Sunday, April 22, 2007

A Day In The Life Of A Wounded Crow - Volume 4

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I spent all day yesterday tending to sick children and an even sicker grandmother and they were all taking advantage of it wholeheartedly. The kids totally invaded my space as they had the “I’m sick daddy” pass fully installed on their little minds. This included the littlest one taking over the bedroom and refusing to leave until she fell asleep clinging to me so that I couldn’t move. These are the moments that a lot of parents live for I suppose but I am so horribly jaded that it seems like work to me. I changed 4 buckets yesterday and even the boy was sick, which is a very strange thing to happen most of the times that a disease infests the house. This wasn’t the easiest day both as it was Greektradgedius Intraining’s birthday and we had been committed to throwing her a party. Complete with just about everything I love and can’t eat thanks to the new cholesterol diet.

These people around me really do make me sick sometimes as they whine about their health issues that surprisingly enough mimic mine, and then they get on my shit because I make them feel uncomfortable taking my health seriously. “You can eat this beef stroganoff once in a while, why do you have to sit there and eat salad?” or “You can scrape the whipped cream off of this cake, and only have about 75 bazillion mg of cholesterol from the 18 fucking eggs I put in it!” {ok I exaggerated that one 65 bazillion} but you get the point. I live around people that totally kill themselves and then get pissy when I won’t. Truth be known, I feel like crap right now and I think it has everything to do with getting all of the gunk out of my blood and might have been from having all the gunk in my blood all winter. I usually always just give in and start killing myself with a spoon along with the rest of them and I am starting to see why the trend of women in this family living to be a hundred and the men never making it past 70. Needless to say I survived it all with salad and those nasty Kashi Granola bars and here it is Sunday.

This morning was started with a very crazy Captain ADHD screaming around the house like he always does the day after he is sick. The fact of the matter is that Gods little joke on all of us will always remain that when children get well again they are UBER WELL and as old people we do not. The little one was damned determined to go to church as was the big one, and I was handed off that baton as the old one was still too sick. Church with two sick kids and a sick me. How did I ever get so lucky? The only benefit realistically that going to church when it is 60 degrees out is the usual. The skirts get a lot shorter and the women are still wearing nylons as it is still a bit chilly out. Imtoocutus of course spends the whole drive there talking about how the car is making her sick, and Lazius Boycrazius does her usual and talks about what her being sick would look like. This of course is assisting in making ME sick, and nothing says “God you look great in that skirt” like throwing up down the front of the women in the welcome line.

This really isn’t too bad because it does keep the girls a bit quieter {just a bit, let’s not get insane here} so at least the pounding headache is being treated with kid gloves, but again the last place I want to be at the moment is out of bed anyway. It’s been a horrible year for all of us in the “being sick” department, so I should be used to this by now but I AM NOT, so I have to simply wimper my way through a long sermon about smiting the evil Yankees. Yes we do have a community style church and the pastor does have a bit of a tendency to invoke God and baseball, and like most pastors he probably does have a gambling problem for all I know. It was rather fun though during that monster choke that the Yankees had back in the ALCS a few years back as it only emboldened the pastor to think he had the God Hotline working for him. Of course he accredits the 3 Patriots Super Bowls to God as well but I could have sworn him and God were talking during the 38 Super Bowls they didn’t win as well, ya think?

After the services were over I got back to the homestead and was ordered to take Captain ADHD to his friend’s house for the day. His pinball with too many bumpers around him impersonation must have driven Greektradgedius Inyiddish mental while I was gone {excellent!} and in the end it would give me an opportunity to grab the coffee I had forgotten to get on the way home from Church. It’s rather surprising that I had gotten as much done as I did this morning actually, and I had forgotten how wonderful it felt to be productive. I made 7 skin requests, a marriage certificate, about 6 new stationeries, and have all of my tag scripts set up to make about 5 sets of tags for people. I had been so in the weeds with everything in my life {and still am realistically} that I hadn’t had time to do any of the things I enjoyed. Well to be honest with you I had seemed to come to the conclusion that I didn’t enjoy them, but what it really was all along was the misery of time management that was impossible to maintain. My computer keeps dying when I try to play on Cherry and use my Instant Messengers as sad as it sounds and when I finally gave in and turned them off BOOM … Time to get caught up! Funny how those things work. I think I will take the kids to the park later, because maybe what we all really need is fresh air, and the computer needs a break ;8o)

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest