Friday, April 6, 2007

A Day In The Life Of A Wounded Crow - Volume 3

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Well I might as well see how long the batteries on my laptop actually last seeing how the snowstorm totally took out the power at PMHQ and it is my turn to sit here in the dark and baby-sit the place while everyone else gets to go home because the power is out. It was a very hard drive to work actually since I live out by the beach and it is a long series of back roads to actually get to work. On the best days it is a half hour drive and on days like today it took me 45 minutes which was actually a lot shorter than normal for these weather conditions. This was the really wet and heavy snow to and I can't remember in as long as I have lived as many trees that had fallen. The advantage that this crap had was that all of the old people who have lived so long that they figure dying in a snow bound traffic accident is a good idea chose not to do their 5 mile per hour street patrol like they usually do, so at the very least my drive was unimpeded by cars this morning.

When I finally had gotten to work all of the power was off and apparently it had been for about 3 hours. Nothing shocking because the power here goes out when someone farts particularly hard, but then again you can never actually count on it. Had I known ahead of time I would have stayed home because I knew my “responsibility” factors would not have boded well for me on a day like this. I was quite correct as the first thing that happened when I walked in the door was the local people all left saying “Oh cool, you can keep an eye on this, I'm outta here,” which was fine by me since realistically that 45 minute drive home has got to be easier later in the day then it would be to turn around and try it right now. The only worries that I am going to face here alone is that herd of horny Amazonian rebels coming and taking me to use as a sex toy helpless and alone ... oops wrong blog ... um ...

Ok, the fact is that I am already bored because I can't even see well enough to do anything inside, and the painful ass snow outside gets old really quick when you try to smoke a butt. Of course it is fun to sneak attack people who do show up since this is the best snow ball snow in ages, even though the bad news on that is that I am getting old and my shoulder is already starting to hate me for that. It's at least good to know that I don't have to clean anything based on lack of vision as opposed to the usual Thursday laziness. I'm sure that most people will never have to know what it is like to be trapped inside of this mind with nothing else to entertain it, but my imagination can keep me company through about anything. I actually had written the last demi-chapter of my novel while sitting idle after the batteries had died.

I had turned off the cell because nobody would chat at me on it anyway and was resigned to just sit in my pitch black office alone when I heard a BANG come from the other side of the warehouse. Of course after I pulled my head out of the ceiling from jumping 8 feet strait up in terror, I managed to walk out into the hallway and felt my way over to my trusty fork truck. Once I had that I was able to turn on the spotlights and start driving down the hallway until I got to where the BANG had come from. 75000 pounds of asphalt rolls that had been stacked wrong {and no you can't blame the darkness as nobody stacked anything when the lights went out} had fallen over. I actually had a talk with God about how it was nice that nobody got crushed by it, but the timing still sucked since I couldn't really see to get it cleaned up anyway. That kinda brought a smile to my face actually as I remembered that I couldn't clean it up anyway. Then the lights came back on, Thanks God! Thanks a LOT!

The next problem that happened was that when the lights came back on, the local guys came back into work instead of burning up a day off. The ones that live the closest are not exactly the brain surgeons, and more to the point they need constant supervision. Calling the VP and begging him to give me permission to send them home was to no avail so I decided to put them all to work doing my work since they realistically couldn't be trusted alone with the machinery. They were off to clean up the rolls that had fallen over, and then they cleaned them up again and again, because they don't have the capacity to actually stack things properly. I actually found myself quite amazed that King George {their boss and my former Pink Mafia Godfather} didn't have a drinking problem because of these guys. They happen to be all back and no brains too, so they want to stay busy all the time, but can't be unsupervised to do it. I AM NOT A SUPERVISOR!!! I actually have no tolerance at all, and have said it a million times at least that “I am perfectly happy to be an Indian and it is up to others to be the chiefs’ damnit!”

I finally sent all 4 of these guys out to shovel the parking lot when I get a call from King George on my cell phone {the T-1 into the company was down} and he was giving me a list of things to have these guys do. He assured me that they could do all of these things unsupervised, but was impressed with the shoveling the parking lot idea, if only to get them out of my hair. I set them up at the end of the warehouse to repackage materials that needed to get fixed. They appeared to be able to do it, so I left them alone while I went about re stacking all of the rolls that had fallen before, the right way of course. I am not used to lifting things as I am a cripple, but I took my time and did just about have all of the rolls re palletized and re stacked so that the entire load was distributed properly. I was already thinking about that wonderful cigarette that I had so richly deserved after all of the work cleaning up after idiots, and that was when it happened. The lights went out again.

I managed to get all of the gang out of there using the light of my cell phone screen to get the lights on the truck on. Fortunately it was only about an hour away from the time I punch out so I was getting ready to call King George anyway and suggest that they just leave at the same time because there was no way they were going to get me to stay late and baby-sit any longer. The plan was just about to go off without a hitch. I had King George on the phone and I was explaining to him all that his boys had accomplished and I was smoking my cigarette outside when I heard it, BANG. The stacks of crap that the guys had been working on fell over, and one of the guys spoke out “Whoa dude, not again,” which just about summed up my day yesterday in the winter wonderland.

I finally punched out at 2 pm and the streets were clear except for the snow drifts on the sides so I figured that I was smooth sailing the way home. Aside from a few idiots that would probably be out on furlough from the old age homes, I was thinking it would be my usual half hour drive home and I can simply start writing the rest of this, but unfortunately I finally got behind the idiot that wanted to drive 5 miles under the speed limit. The real problem was that he was stuck behind two of those bicycle morons that simply needed to throw on their bike shorts and take a trek in the snow on their ten speeds. The dope in front of me was too afraid to pass them and with the snow drifts they couldn’t get over to the side, so I followed these people for 10 fucking miles. Come to think of it I am amazed that I haven’t started drinking ;8o)

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest