Monday, March 26, 2007

Musical Methadone & Mental Masterbation - Volume 21

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Disclaimer – This blog posting will be rather vile in it’s use of potty talk {sort of like a Revenge Of The Nerds movie, only less talented} and is not intended for those that have a very weak stomach for those sorts of things. In the interest of being fair, I have decided to issue this first and final warning that there is a good chance that what you are about to read might offend some, make others dreadfully ill, but most certainly will force the rest of you to wonder why you came to read this in the first place. With that said the usual disclaimer follow that if you feel that this could possibly ruin your life then crying to CherryTAP, my employers, the DNC, your significant other, Tony Blair, or your mommy will never be able to compensate for the fact that you may indeed be an idiot for reading past here. You have been warned, and have a nice day .. Signed The Madman Behind The Curtain ..

Another wonderful Monday at the headquarters of the dreaded Pink Mafia {PMHQ} for everyone's favorite super villain turned super hero Superdaddyman to walk in on. As usually is the case on Mondays the bagmen for the Pink Mafia are gathered around the entrance waiting to tell the Superdaddyman that there are chores to be done. Big nasty chores that none of them were capable of doing themselves for the last two days while Superdaddyman was off fighting crime on the other side of Megalopolis and they can't wait to make sure that Superdaddyman deals with them again. The song that he has thoroughly stuck in his head, “What did you expect? Fools often sometimes forget Who really knows what's the truth .. Often dignified how funny changing the tide feels like you already knew .. like the devil .. you would never .. running circles .. Feels like you already knew .. like the devil .. you would never .. running circles .. Feels like you already knew “ It appears that the Pink Mafia had another sneak attack from another Superdaddyman foe who lurks in the shadows and always unleashes his ugly head when least expected. Yes boys and girls we are talking about none other than The Mad Shitter!

Now although nobody truly knows who the Mad Shitter is, but it is safe to assume that he is a very bad man indeed for he does the most diabolical thing imaginable to the Superdaddyman at the very least and actually places his own feces all over his fingers and then smears it on every handle in the men's restroom. This includes the toilet flushers, the handles to all the stalls and the two handles leading out of the bathroom so that no matter what you do you have to touch some sick fuckers shit when you go into the bathroom. Now of course the Superdaddyman is grateful to everyone in PMHQ for not cleaning it off of anything and simply sticking their own fingers in it all for a couple of days simply to allow our favorite super hero to have the evidence to clean up himself. Despite the fact that enough people knew to tell the Superdaddyman about it when he came in, there was still a much larger majority that didn't and caused a total chaotic panic when they all found out that they had their fingers in shit, and were touching everything else since. Of course it was time for the Superdaddyman to tell all of the bad boys and girls the virtues of washing your hands when you are done in the bathroom but then again with it all over the door handles and nobody willing to clean it off then we shall assume that is pointless anyway.

Well after the Superdaddyman made a bleach solution so that he could decontaminate the area, he had to wait as all of the people that he had just told there was shit on everything in there went in and stuck their fingers in it all again. It was finally at the request of the Shift Supervisor {aka the one that actually threw up in the sink in there when he found out that he had used the toilet, not washed his hands and actually went back to his office and ate a sandwich} that Superdaddyman finally threw everyone out of there and put hazard tape all over the doors. He of course had to replace it 4 separate times as other PMHQ dimwits would rip it down and walk in so that they could touch all of the bleach and shit mixture. It's not easy working between Seabrook and Epping let me tell ya Bub, but finally he found that slapping them all with the mop that he used to clean up the vomit as they try to walk in works pretty good. The sad part of it all boys and girls is that the lesson learned in all of this might just be that being self absorbed has finally replaced the ability for anyone to have any sense of YUCK! “Save you .. I would never .. Deny you .. Even though your hate for me is strong .. (See) I'm not what you .. (Think) I'm the one who'll .. (Be) what you never .. Thought would be nothing and now”

Of course the Superdaddyman isn’t even trying to remove the dreaded music “Pride” from his head as it kinda fits the scenario as he is quite convinced that none of these people have any at all. It fits as he was in there scrubbing every square inch of walls with caustic chemicals like you have to in a bio-hazardous situation and it was barely breathable. The fact that everyone whines and complains that they can’t simply use the bathroom {which there are two others in the PMHQ mind you} or outright simply walk in and try to force him to be in that environment longer is blindingly numb at best. ;8o)

Sooooooooo On to other things … This was my daughter’s homework assignment …

Personal and Consumer Health 5 Benchmark Opportunity

This benchmark involves demonstrating your ability to use a health care service for a disease prevention purpose. Visit the school nurses office and ask for a condom. Bring that condom to health class.

If you find that your parents have signed a form refusing you permission to obtain a condom you can either 1) talk to your parent about this decision or 2) ask the school nurse to give you a pamphlet on abstinence to bring to class instead of a condom.

Along with the condom or pamphlet, write at least one paragraph on your experience getting the condom. Write about your feelings when you first heard about the assignment, what it was like to prepare to get it, getting it, and afterward. Pay attention to your emotional reactions. If your parent did not want you to obtain a condom in school, write about your reaction to that.

To maximize your learning experience, do not tell the school nurses that this is for health class.

I guess I will leave it at that, but it did get the song “Pride” out of my head finally

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes& Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2007

Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest