Monday, February 26, 2007

Superdaddyman Takes On The Pink Mafia - Volume 11

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Laying low in the super secret hide out of everyone's favorite super villain turned super hero, the Caped Pervader taps away on his trusty laptop educational device, in his undying effort to teach the boys and girls of Megalopolis another valuable lesson in life. Life at the Pink Mafia Headquarters {PMHQ} is daunting enough for the Superdaddyman even when he is on top of his game, but it has been troubling times as of late as one of the fiendish biological agents that the Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils's {TOKE} unleashed upon our brave young hero, has incapacitated him and made him quite deaf for going on two weeks at this point. This in turn has made it far too easy for the enemies of the Superdaddyman to create chaos in spots where it had been the Superdaddyman's job to do so. The sheer horror of having the evil that lurks throughout the halls of the PMHQ walking about in the open is something that the mere mortals among us cannot endure, and as it is unveiling it is not beyond the realm of possibilities that the Superdaddyman could fall prey to a once obvious prank or two that he wouldn't have even been near on one of his better days.

The whispering that the Superdaddyman heard all around him apparently was not one of “those” times like the doctor {who we all know is in on it but I'll show him} tries to explain to the Superdaddyman is just his imagination, it actually was on these occasions the PMHQ 2 and 3 feathers strategizing. The Superdaddyman of course is not amused as he has the hearing back in one of his ears today and can hear them quite well, but thanks to his keen stealthing ability {and all of those stupid acting classes his crazy ass mother made him go to when he was young} the Superdaddyman was able to simply play deaf and use it all to his advantage. For most of the day it was nothing more than half feathers explaining to each other things that they had done to mess up various things that the Superdaddyman had already cleaned, but as in most good spy missions our favorite Super Hero played the deaf role to it's fullest so as not to blow his cover. This even included the inbred moron who thought explaining to one of the female co-workers about how he had totally missed the urinal and then walked through it and got it all over the floor in the bathroom. Well at least for now, the Superdaddyman will pretend he didn't hear it.

While infiltrating the location known as “The Smoke Shack” the Superdaddyman was alerted to something that was brewing with one of his Arch Nemesis' in the form of one Paco Taco who apparently had been spending a bit too much time around the Superdaddyman's utility area. Remaining ignorant to the sniggering and the talk of how the Superdaddyman was going down he was at least able to surmise that the plot to do so was to come down right before our favorite Super Hero was to go to the lunch truck. This happens to be a favorite way of getting under his skin as interfering with the only things that he likes about the PMHQ are the best ways to make the Superdaddyman pop his top. Aside from flooding the toilets when the OC saleswomen {in their ridiculously short skirts and at least 4 feet of legs} tour the facility, that usually is the only time when chaos really gets to the Superdaddyman. The fact that Paco Taco is making it so obvious simply means that he requires an audience for whatever form of ill deed he has for the Caped Pervader. This of course can not be tolerated, so the Superdaddyman waits until the “others” in the direct vicinity vacate so that he can go and “lurk” about the utility area stealthily.

Nothing actually appeared out of sorts throughout the whole utility area, no matter where Superdaddyman looked, and this of course made our favorite Super Hero more nervous. The pile of trash bag boxes left untouched, the chemicals stacked neatly, toilet paper, paper towels, mops, buckets, brooms, window .... The telescoping window washer is missing! Now the Superdaddyman tries not to come to conclusions as this is the type of thing that everyone around the Pink Mafia “borrows” without anyone's knowledge so that they can wash the second and third floor windows of their house, but it is also the tool that the Superdaddyman has used to place many of Paco Taco's belongings in the rafters of the factory ... um ... accidentally of course. Superdaddyman thus decided that it was time to walk rather hastily to the other side of the PMHQ where his opened utility closet {housing his belongings} is located as he realized that it was probably a shock value enticement that he had just spent an unnecessary 30 minutes away from his possessions. Oh the humanity of this horrible disease and the ability it has to weaken our brave young hero in the face of such overwhelming evil!

Meanwhile back at the Superdaddycave Southern {aka the closet} the Superdaddyman appears to assess the situation. Again, nothing looks out of place but knowing the fiendish mind of the Paco Taco, anything subtle could be amiss in all of this. A very short inventory was all that was necessary though as the very thing that houses the Superdaddyman's personal inventory {his fine leather bombers jacket} was missing. I imagine that it doesn't take the keen mind of an everyday super hero to see where this is going. Superdaddyman spent the next hour walking around staring at the ceiling rafters trying to make it look less conspicuous despite everyone walking past him doing a double take and laughing like a hyena. In time he did spot the sleeve of his jacket dangling from one of the rafters and refrained from barking out the language that decent super hero's don't talk about with children reading on. See what the Superdaddyman goes through for all of his adoring fans? Back to the utility area he goes to amazingly enough find the telescoping window washer where the Superdaddyman usually would have found it earlier. Upon letting out a big sigh he grabbed it and went walking back out into the warehouse to face the audience that would surely be waiting to laugh as he got the Personal Inventory Transport Device {aka the jacket} down from the rafters. It's sad to see all of the half feathers gathering around to watch Superdaddyman play piƱata with his own jacket as if there aren't any better things to do.

As the Superdaddyman prepped himself to start poking at the jacket, to make it fall from the rafters he heard from his deadened but functioning ears the voice of Paco Taco say “watch this” to one of the other onlookers, which thanks to the keen mind of Superdaddyman was processed in an instant and caused him to lower the telescoping handle and walk to the other side of the rafter as if he were trying to get a better look, and it was then that he saw the Marklift up against the wall. Despite the fact that it now had him facing the onlookers who were trying very quickly to pretend that they weren't paying attention, Superdaddyman then with the reflexes of a cat smacked the steel beam right where the jacket was creating a huge puff of white talc flying strait at the crowd that had formed from the opened bag that obviously had been set on top of it. Paco Taco being one of the three people that actually knew what was sitting on the jacket got out of the way rather quickly as the huge cloud immersed everyone else staring dumbfounded. The collateral damage that took out most of the line crew was not a total loss as the rest of the 30 pound bag that had been poured on top of the jacket hit the floor right in front of the Superdaddyman getting him pretty covered as well and the only person in the general vicinity that wasn't completely covered in talc was Paco Taco.

Upon acquiring the jacket again the Superdaddyman was able to go and get cleaned up and is laying low at the moment writing this blog as I am pretty sure that Paco Taco is pretty scarce on he other side of the building. There is after all 20 guys that are every bit as itchy and pissed off as the Superdaddyman is at the moment and it may take a little while for them to be able to laugh it off. At the very least everyone's favorite Super Villain turned Super Hero is a man of the people as he has more talc in his clothes than his grandmother's bathroom, but at the moment he isn't really ready to take his chances out there especially considering that he is able to hear all the things that they are yelling back and forth to each other as they try to get the talc out of their clothes in the bathroom. Come on 2pm ;8o)

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest