Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Livin' With Evils's - Volume 24

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The night was dark and dreary at the Casa Di Evils's as the Caped Pervader was examining valuable data {porn} on his trusty laptop from the super secret hideout known as the Superdaddycave. He was less than eagerly awaiting another “hostage swap” as the key faction of TOKE {the Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils's} were to be transported back to solitary confinement after their small work furrow to The People's Republic of Maine. The prisoner transport arrived at the scheduled hour with the most diabolical minds known to the human race strapped in the back, and the Sister of The Mother of all the Evils's {SME} was more than happy to hand over the evil starved little fiends to the Superdaddyman and escape back to The People's Republic of Maine, with her sanity merely scarred. The reason for the hostage relocation over the last 5 days was the usual, and that would be re-indoctrination to the enemy forces known as The Former In-Laws {TFIL or sometimes referred to as “Those People”} which of course requires a bit of re-patriation upon their return.

It was an odd arrangement that SME and the Superdaddyman worked out this time around for they both were sick and tired of listening to TFIL whine and complain about not being able to corrupt the Evils's as thoroughly as they once liked so since the Superdaddyman had decided that he was no longer their personal prisoner transporting device, and also due to the enemy invaders that were riddled throughout all of their heads whenever they were returned. The Superdaddyman had finally concluded that if he were to simply not allow the Evils's to go and be re-infested with lice every two weeks then they would all die off due to lack of “clean hair” to be in and breed. He still awaits the recommended gestation time to see if that theory holds out. The facts still remain that out of 500 inbred Mainers on that side of the family, there wasn't a one that was willing to share the transporting duties or for that matter remain sober long enough to visit the Evils's until now, and that will be short lived as she unfortunately became akin to what the Superdaddyman has been complaining about all along, in the form of infantile and inconsiderate users and their irrational demands.

You see the problem for her was not the Evils's in general, as she happens to be the defender of 5 of her and her boyfriend's Evils's, and aside from forgetting most of their names she can handle 3 more as aptly as Superdaddyman could not. What happens is that she happened to see first hand what it is like when you are the keeper of the Evils's that only a good hard lesson in futility can teach you, and that would of course be the fact that everyone that she is related to happens to just be whiners. The very first obstacle that she had to overcome was all of them demanding the times that they see them. This of course required her {like at one time it would have the Superdaddyman} to do all of the transporting, and of course spread out over 100 miles in 3 directions. All times of visitation are always calculated to the most inconvenient times, and are always 100 percent determined by those that do none of the work in getting the Evils's from point A to point B. The Superdaddyman knows all to well the true emotional abuse that she is putting up with the whole time as whining and guilt are the only things being offered by all of the different tribes of this rather poor experiment in inbreeding. The phone calls that her cell phone must have gotten all day of “You always keep the kids from me, you always liked them more, I know you hate me, I can't see the kids unless it is 3 hours past their bedtime on a school night, so make sure you bring them over then!” etc etc etc were the reason that she brought the Evils's back looking about 20 years older, and all the Superdaddyman can do is empathize with her because he will not go through any of that any more, and will simply go back to believing that the Evils's are better off not seeing them when she quits.

The grand finale of it all of course is the phone call she receives from The Mother of All the Evils's {MAE} who has been on her shit list ever since she realized that she couldn't trust her own children with her {go figure a woman has her own children and every right to see them taken away from her by the state and she can't be trusted with other people's children, who would have seen that coming} after one of her children called 911 because they were alone and scared for several hours when MAE was supposed to be babysitting them. This does not make one very happy since the overly invasive People's Republic of Maine can't wait to start some sort of investigation on any parent. Social Services after all is the largest industry in that communist government, but I digress. She had a list of demands that was to be met or else she would call everyone in the family to start the drama of how her own sister was keeping the Evils's from her, and as usual they were rather unreasonable. Considering that this is a woman that hasn't seen the Evils’s since Christmas even though the Superdaddyman has arranged for her to have visitation, and she hasn't done that once in the 3 months that that had been initiated. The Superdaddyphone rang after the demands were installed. “She called and wants me to bring the Evils's out to see her but Lazius Boycrazius refuses to go, so can I leave her here alone?” the voice on the other end asked.

Upon deciding that it was ok {and actually understood} that Lazius Boycrazius would be paroled from having to go over to see MAE, and SME would not be allowed to leave the other two alone with MAE, the meet was set up. As always the Superdaddyman is not completely up to par on what had actually happened but apparently Imtoocutus {who was NOT very thrilled about going herself, but she's 6 so she doesn't know how to say NO properly} took the scheduling into her own hands about 40 minutes into the visit by sitting in the middle of the floor and screaming bloody murder “I want to go home, I want my Daddy!” and crying for well over 20 minutes no matter what anyone did, and it was only cured by them all leaving. The surprising part was that Captain ADHD who happens to be the staunchest supporter of MAE no matter how horrible or irresponsible she happens to be, or even how long he goes without seeing her, appeared to have no problem with it. He didn't even appear to have any problem being released back into the custody of the Superdaddyman last night as did none of the other two Evils's which is rather strange to say the least. In Evils's terminology, it all happens to smack in the face of the golden rule of Evildom actually, which goes “Our favorite place is elsewhere and when you try to remove us from elsewhere we will get even with you by any measures possible!”

Now mind you that the Superdaddyman being the ultimate purveyor of good, defender of the Evils's, virginity defender, and the guardian of all the fair maidens in their business skirts as they walk the streets of Megalopolis, has been down this road many a time before, and as always he is the man with no plan. He does however have instincts and the experience to deal with whatever happens as it comes, so he has of course braced himself for the inevitable. With the authority of the Superdaddyman he demands that the Evils's get their PJs on prepare for quiet TV time in solitary confinement. A ritual that is to be respected every night in the Casa Di Evils's and almost always “Phase 1” of what will usually be a very hard night upon the return of the prisoners. They did it without question. Now on to “Phase 2” as the Superdaddyman demands that they brush their teeth, which 2 of the 3 had already done before he could even ask, and that shocks the Superdaddyman to no end. What kind of madness is going on here? Upon going to “Phase 3” the Superdaddyman finds all 3 of the Evils's {even the big lazy one} already tucked into bed with the lights out and the televisions on, and the ultimate horror of finding them asleep before he can even initiate “Phase 4” which at the very least is always a nightmare after a trip away, the Superdaddyman could only draw one last conclusion. The Mother of all the Evils's somehow stole all of the Evils's and replaced them with clones. Superdaddyman will give you an update on this in a few months after he makes certain, but there is always hope that they are starting to finally see that they don’t have it so bad at home where they belong ;8o)

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest