Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Superdaddyman Takes on BOTH Captain ADHD's - Volume 1

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It is a grave day for the Caped Pervader here in Megalopolis, as he finds himself fighting the The Terrorist Organization Known As The Evils’s {TOKE} on a whole new level today. The worst of the worst had happened as secretly the Superdaddyman had feared since the day that he took the evil Imtoocutus in for her first surgery to repair her damaged ear drums and take care of her sinus infections that she had been born with and untreated for many years. Now unfortunately as the infections are rearing their ugly head again, the Superdaddyman was forced to take the cute but evil {like those damn penguins} one to the doctor where he informed Super Villain turned Super Hero that his greatest fear was so much more than that! The doctor believes that the way around another surgery is to give Imtoocutus a series of pills called Ephadrine which should clear it up again in the short term. What it actually does in the short term is turn Imtoocutus into the second coming of Captain ADHD!!!

Now befallen to his own devices the Superdaddyman is the only human on earth capable of controlling either of these two diabolical fiends, but the odds have changed as that flash of lightning streaking by now could be an 8 year old criminal mastermind or the 6 year old protégé now! The Superdaddyman now understands what it must have been like when the Hobgoblin came along long after he had thought he was finished with both of the Green Goblins! Even as this blog entry is being written I must inform all of you of the vast array of weaponry at the disposal of the fiendish Imtoocutus {now enhanced} is simply blinding in the ways it is perpetrated when played on a 78 RPM phonograph {the things that old people like us used to played things called albums on … and stop sidetracking the narrator!} especially her most awe inspiring weapon being the dreaded “What? Machine Gun!” Even now as she is rattling of a volley of crack induced “What is this, what is that?” at me I am trying to bring to you the real tale at hand which is the indoctrination of Captain ADHD.

Superdaddyman was none too pleased to find out that the muscle of TOKE was to be detained at the Educational Facility {I know, what else is new?} which was going to force the Caped Pervader to bring the little evil along with them to Dr Quackenstein for his “experiments” on his mind. The two of them were rattling around in the back of the Prisoner Transport {aka MiniVan} like those old Mexican Jumping Beans you used to get at Laverdier’s when you were younger, and the seatbelts were not about to keep them still. Threatening wasn’t about to keep them still either, and the Superdaddyman was wondering what he was actually going to do with Crack Girl when they got there. The sessions actually are closed and the Superdaddyman has to be present for them {as the Guardian of the Evils’s of course} which probably meant that some mid 60’s receptionist would have to be called upon to try to keep up with the heathen! A trained professional like the Superdaddyman can’t even keep up with the heathen, and he only seems to be 60 something most days. Oh the humanity of it all!

Now keeping in mind that to get to the doctors office is a long series of hallways with many different doors for a child on Adderol and a child on Ephedrine to run into, climb under things and then play dead when you try to drag them out {um … not like it has actually happened before … oh never mind} so the Super Intellect of the Superdaddyman decided it was best to keep the two of them in grasp at all times. “May I ask you Mr Crow, why you have your two children by the scruff of their necks?” Dr Quackenstein asked as the Superdaddyman rounded the last corner dragging two piles of dead weight behind him.

“Because they can slip their hands out of just about anything, and the little one has convinced me twice that I broke her wrist before,” the Superdaddyman stated without even batting an eyelash. Honesty is the only way now a days, as the need to actually cover up these things and maintain any sort of pride had left the Superdaddyman many years before now. “I had to bring the little one too because her sister is still at school, is there someone that can watch her?” our favorite Superhero asked with a certain wane in his voice as he always hates to beg for help.

“Oh no, why don’t you bring her in and we can have a group discussion, since Captain ADHD talks about her quite a bit,” and with that the heart of the Superdaddyman completely jumped up into his throat. It’s bad enough trying to get the bigger of the two to stay still long enough to bring out his only real emotion of “School Sucks” and then pay the 90 bucks so that the Superdaddyman can get back to inspecting the legs of fair maidens that might be in need of help on the internet! This of course produces another wrinkle you see. The Superdaddyman proceeded to walk them into the office with his hands still firmly grasping the backs of their shirts until the doctor insisted that he not do that anymore, and the Superdaddyman declined until the door was at least closed.

PEEEOOOOINGGGG!!!!! The second Superdaddyman let go of the two the immediately started going mental and it 7 different directions at once, followed by Dr Quakenstein’s voice following them around “Now you shouldn’t … Oh wait … no don’t … um … I wouldn’t … HEY! … stop that … not my favorite!! … “ and on and on while the Superdaddyman sat down and picked up the new issue of Cosmopolitan that the last victim had left behind. Superdaddyman still marvels at how the men’s magazines and the women’s magazines both always have totally hot half dressed women in them, but keeps that to himself before some radical feminist tries to take away his entertainment in the women’s magazines while he has people fooled into thinking he has a sensitive side. “Can you please get these two under control!” the doctor finally bellowed out, and the Superdaddyman dropped the magazine and grabbed one in each hand as they went flying by to sit them down.

The session started with Dr Quackenstein getting Captain ADHD to explain the things that Imtoocutus does to annoy him, and after a list about the size of what he asks Santa for for Christmas he sat there with a smirk on his face that made him look like he had actually accomplished more than a tirade of name calling. Imtoocutus simply sat there with a look on her face like she had actually done a good thing and you could see the pride of driving Captain ADHD mental kind of gave her a new glow of sorts. The doctor then had the where with all to ask her how she felt about Captain ADHD, and you don’t have to be a doctor to realize what was about to come next, Factually speaking a total pervert with the actual attention span of either of these two like Superdaddyman knew what was about to come, when she simply said “He’s stupid and I don’t like him,” in a typical sweet mixed with snotty 6 year old girl voice. The amazingly lighning like reflexes of the Superdaddyman barely caught the diabolical Captain ADHD as he attempted to leap over him to get at the girl! His very loud growl before he did it was actually a dead giveaway.

Slamming Captain ADHD back into his chair and securing him by the shoulder the Superdaddyman said very calmly to Dr Quackenstein, “Do you see why I tell you that he is just like me at his age only I didn’t have sisters?” and the doctor really could do nothing but nod. He probably was just thrilled that he didn’t have to deal with the squirming angry little criminal to the left of the Superdaddyman at the moment. More shall be revealed, I am sure ;8o)

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest