Tuesday, January 2, 2007

Musical Methadone & Mental Masterbation - Volume 17

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Well so now the Superdaddyman wends his way back into the Pink Mafia Headquarters {PMHQ} after his leave of absence granted him, so that he could save the world yet again, from the diabolical penguins who had tried to kidnap Santa Claus, but to all here he was simply “taking a vacation” so as not to blow his cover. Heaven forbid that any of the side duties that Superdaddyman usually takes care of while infiltrating the dreaded Pink Mafia get done while he is away, oh no, for his alter ego {that simpering weenie, Jeremy Crow} was treated to something that looked like Hercules was going to have to empty the nearest lake into it. The worst part was when someone actually said that they had cleaned it while he was gone! Now mind you all, we have already deduced that the Pink Mafia is a pile of filthy swine, and really should have been forced into some sort of castration program for the good of mankind, but this was even beyond what the Superdaddyman could have even imagined having no faith in any of them to begin with!

The song was instilled within seconds of walking into the place as one of the lesser-do’s was playing the ridiculously gay 80’s station, “How can I convince you what you see is real .. Who am I to blame you for doubting what you feel .. I was always reachin', you were just a girl I knew .. I took for granted the friend I have in you .. I was living for a dream, loving for a moment .. Taking on the world, that was just my style .. Now I look into your eyes .. I can see forever, the search is over .. You were with me all the while” was belting over the radio as performed by Survivor, and it was totally jammed in the Superdaddyman’s head. No Methadone in sight for this one, unless the Superdaddyman can get his hands on some Journey and hopefully reroute it to Rod Stewart in hopes of getting it to Prince and then onward to Judas Priest. Screw it we’ll just roll with it a while, “Can we last forever, will we fall apart .. At times it's so confusing, these questions of the heart .. You followed me through changes and patiently you'd wait .. Till I came to my senses through some miracle of fate,” since it did kinda fit the Superdaddymind these days anyway.

Now on to the task at hand, is the Offices across the street that needed to be dealt with, first thing as it usually is when Superdaddyman takes on the joint. Let us just say that this is the lair of the vile PMHQ where all of the women are. Not to be without the pursuit of truth we shall just lay it on the line now and say that women in the workplace far out slob the men to begin with, but this was a little over the top, as Superdaddyman found that everywhere he walked there was a distinct “crunching” sound. It didn’t really matter where our favorite Superhero walked, be it carpet or tile, there was enough scattered all over the floor to make noise as he stepped on it. “This is not a good sign” he found himself muttering as he proceeded further to find the first door on the left which is always the worst on the best days, and that would be the “Women’s Room!” The sight that he was greeted with in here actually resembled the places where your pet hamster sleeps in his cage, for the toilet paper was torn into little nests in just about every corner of the bathroom. Proceeding towards the first nest showed that the lid of the toilet seat was left down which could only mean one thing, that it’s plugged up.

Upon decontamination of the Women’s Room the Caped Pervader made his way to the Men’s Room where aside from a much larger pee stain on the fool in front of the urinal than usual {10 days worth of it after all} the sink looked like it hadn’t been used {a real shocker there} and surprise surprise there were Hamster piles and a stuffed up toilet. The fascination of how long they both were backed up and where everyone went to the bathroom while it was kinda amused the Superdaddyman, but he still has a kitchen to tackle, and of course the floor in there was crunchy. All in all the offices ended up taking our favorite Superhero an extra half hour to battle off and that seriously interfered with his ability to look up porn and fill the dreaded HR Directors bookmarks with lesbian links like he usually likes to spend his free time. This didn’t phase the Caped Pervader in the least as he is a skilled professional, and he just executed “plan 2” that he saves for these sorts of special occasions. The banana peel under the trash can liner that he got out of someone else’s trash can.

Now with all of that said the Superdaddyman still had to go back to the Pink Mafioso Factorio and try to deal with what was bound to be the most diabolical scheme that ever to ravage the sanity of the Superdaddyman without actually being perpetrated by an actual member of TOKE {The Terrorsit Organization Known as the Evils’s} as operation “What Once Was White Is Now Black” {WOWW … oh screw it … The Plan!} was in full bloom. The entire bathroom in this joint was completely and utterly destroyed! The walls beside the urinal had drippings that looked like something the Superdaddyman prefers to get out of his system in private with a movie that has a lot of funky bass guitar, and NOT in a public bathroom! Oh goodie, a plugged up toilet, who would have seen that coming, and yes a Hamster pile! I think this is going to be a trend.

The most intriguing thing that the Superdaddyman found was the fact that everything in the entire PMHQ appeared to be covered in some sort of Talcum Powder, and it made absolutely no sense. Granted part of the asphalt creation process is to add Talc to the batches to thicken it up, but that is usually in silo’s outside, and the place was supposed to be thoroughly cleaned during the shutdown process. With a little keen detective work our favorite Superhero was able to find the one disgruntled employee who was willing to spill the beans as to what had created this fabulous disaster. Apparently one of the Capo’s in the Pink Mafia Hierarchy thought it would be brilliant to get a floor grinder and let everyone take turns using it. The problem with this is that it is a big toy and left in the hands of morons it would most likely be abused, and it apparently had been used non stop on the floors for a little over 4 days. This in turn stripped every ounce of coating that the cement floor had to hold in all of the, yes you guessed it, dust! Running the floor sweeper for several hours was completely useless as were the idiots that were in charge of the floor grinder and about twice as useful as the moron that procured it. The good news is in another 350 days the plant will shut down again so that the floors can be painted. I guess it is not up to Superdaddyman to create chaos today, for that was the one thing they had covered while he was gone ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes& Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2006

Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest