Friday, January 19, 2007

Musical Methadone & Mental Masterbation - Volume 18

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Here we are again young boys and girls of Megalopolis, as everyone’s favorite super villain turned super hero, Superdaddyman is about to chronicle three days of Superdaddyfun into one fun packed edition of M4 for all of you. It’s not an easy job, but you have all come to expect this sort of heroism from the Caped Pervader, and it is the least he can do for all of his adoring fans. Now mind you that the amazing feats you are about to here, are NOT for amateurs, and should be left in the hands of trained professional super heroes, or at the very least, one of the members of Jackass!

We shall start these adventures on Wednesday, which at one time was the day when the Superdaddyman {disguised as that total dolt Jeremy Crow} would enter the headquarters of the dreaded Pink Mafia {PMHQ} to do his usual Robin Hood impersonation {robbing from the rich … aka getting a paycheck from PMHQ … and give it to the poor … aka the evils’s} and then scurry about making his usual Hump Day innuendoes to the fair maidens of Megalopolis and CherryTAP. This is no longer the case as the Wicked Bitch of the East {aka … Human Resources} decided that the paychecks would be out on Thursdays starting this year. Now we are dealing with a bad day already as the memories remain, but the Superdaddyman decided that he would make the most of it as he started up the “compact version” of the Superdaddymobile because it was 10 degrees outside. Twenty minutes later he walked outside to a car that was on fire.

Needless to say the Superdaddyman has owned this hunk of crap with the Ford logo on it for a few years since EX3 had abandoned it and the payments on his, so it was a rather, “Oh what else is new” moment which made him very rationally walk into the garage and grab the 3 pound sledge. Opening the passenger side door, our brave fighter of evils’s and now Ford brought the sledge strait up under the dashboard until the flaming heater unit crashed to the floor, which he then tossed out onto the ground. Waning response is how one is supposed to treat a Ford product, and with that the Superdaddyman simply removed the key and started up the “Family Sized” Superdaddymobile, so that it could warm up. Things with Kia written on them don’t get hot enough to catch fire. Trust me on that one. Now with this conundrum taken care of the Superdaddyman proceeded to PMHQ with an icicle hanging from his nose, but at least not on fire.

“In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey .. Butane in my veins and Im out to cut the junkie .. With the plastic eyeballs, spray-paint the vegetables .. Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose .. Kill the headlights and put it in neutral .. Stock car flamin with a loser and the cruise control” had already filled the giant economy sized mind of the Superdaddyman as he had arrived on the scene. Methadone has not been decided yet, and the song was quite fitting, so it was imperative that the Superdaddyman at least try to use it to his advantage. The second part of the week had begun which meant that he was to work with the two idiots, and in turn carry the load of said idiots. While in the chronological order of how things go in PMHQ we need to place everything in it’s proper Native American terminology. Superdaddyman takes on the role of “one feather” and when someone comes to him with an issue he tries to remind the person that he is merely “one feather” and not in charge. The receiver on the first half of the week is “one feather .. red stripe” and he is the one who is in charge of cleaning up after the evil … um … creative things that the Superdaddyman does with his time. The man who drives the 18 wheeler is “thinks him two feather” and you can usually find his nose attached to the ass of “three feather.”

“Babys in reno with the vitamin d .. Got a couple of couches, sleep on the love-seat .. Someone came in sayin Im insane to complain .. About a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt .. Don’t believe everything that you breathe” ack … that damn song. Now if we were to put all of this in proper perspective we have the two half wits on the second part of the week. First there is “no feather” who happens to be the new guy, and he has a very bad tendency to pick up the bad habits in everyone and not the good. This is what leads us to the guy who drives the truck on this shift “thinks him two feather, sleeping” who is about as useless as a hiccup. This is what the Superdaddyman is forced to deal with on Thursday and Friday of every week. Let’s just jump to Thursday and analyze the drive to work, where the windshield on the Superdaddymobile {the big Kia Version of course} just spontaneously started growing a spider web in the middle of it. The timing of all of this was priceless as one of the lesser crime fighters in Megalopolis decided to pull the Superdaddyman over {most likely to thank him for his wonderful service to the community as well as …} to point out that one of his headlights was out. This was also exacerbated by the fact that the Superdaddyman had to open the door because the windows were frozen shut. We all know how the lesser know super heroes love THAT, but he did allow the Superdaddyman to demonstrate how slamming the hood corrected that malady.

The day was rather uneventful, the Superdaddyman did most of the work, and then went back to the Casa Di Evils’s where he was to transport the prisoner 040998 {aka the diabolical Captain ADHD} to his appointment with the new Prescription Dispenser, who had so thoroughly enjoyed the last visit, we are all sure. He handed the Superdaddyman a sheet that was prepared for him from the Evils’s Southern Command {aka School} which was a grocery list of issues. This was all news to the Superdaddyman, as he tries to get them to address these things with him in daily e-mails which apparently had gotten old a month prior, so he had assumed that they had been making progress. Dr. Quackenstein wanted to know what the Superdaddyman wanted to do about the situation, to which he replied, “Oh so we can try it my way now?” which includes getting him off the stimulants that have made him nothing but ANGRY since he got put on them. The doctor was indeed receptive to putting him on the anti depressant ADHD medication that the Superdaddyman had been begging to try for the last two years, so we are going to knock that one into the plus column. Score one for the Daddyman!

“You get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve ... So shave your face with some mace in the dark ... Savin all your food stamps and burnin down the trailer park ... Yo. cut it” {Mental Note … Get Beck for royalties for writing a song about you!} Moving onward to today, the Superdaddyman was not particularly thrilled with the way the week was turning out, but the benefits of having everyone at PMHQ singing “Loser” was starting to pay its dividends. The PMHQ Capo Di Gamma {aka VP} was not particularly thrilled with the Superdaddyman saying that every great company needed a “fight song” and it was the most descriptive option. This conversation came up after the Superdaddyman paged “thinks him two feather, sleeping” over the company paging system “The Village Called and They Ain’t Loaning Us Their Idiot Anymore!! Please Wake UP and Come to The OFFICE!!” which apparently didn’t go over too well. It wasn’t like it was a company secret or anything, but the ramifications were that the Superdaddyman was told that he wasn’t allowed to walk around singing “That Song” anymore, which Superdaddyman was more than happy to comply. Truth be told he was rather sick of it anyway. Besides it was more important that ‘one feather” find “thinks him two feather, sleeping” so that he can get the loaded trucks out of the dock doors, so he edited the song a bit for newer and better airplay throughout the PA system “You’re a loser Jack, so why can’t we kill Jack!” … It’s funny how that seemed to work ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes& Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

All writings Copyright © 2006

Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest