Saturday, January 13, 2007

MAP TREK .. The Wrath of Taco - Part 2

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Our brave young hero Crowsis has quite his hands full in this new and improved MAP {Mother of all Pranks} as Lord Paco Taco has learned a few things. This was of course obvious when Crowsis stood at the door of the tower like command headquarters in the middle of the promenade shaking the locked door furiously. The only way in was through the locked door, and the command headquarters sits on 20 foot tall stilts so that the commander of the base can watch all the happenings going on below, and now the bastard has finally learned to lock his door when he is not in there. No matter, the catwalk along the side gives Crowsis access to the air quality unit {air conditioner/heater} and a draught hose just above it. First things first though … cue up our evil music “I get my thing in action (Verb!) .. To be, to sing, to feel, to live (Verb!) .. That's what's happenin' .. I put my heart in action (Verb!) .. To run, to go, to get, to give (Verb!) .. (You're what's happenin')”

Crowsis was able to manually set the heater on the thing {ok honestly he was the one to steal the remote control to it} and jacked the thing up to 100 degrees and left it running while he went around acquiring other materials. The last thing that Paco Taco will want to do is come back to an office that is that sweltering hot now after all. “That's where I find satisfaction, yeah! (Yeah!) .. To search, to find, to have, to hold .. (Verb! To be bold) .. When I use my imagination (Verb!) .. I think, I plot, I plan, I dream .. Turning in towards creation (Verb!)” It’s been a bit harder to prank the Paco Taco since he started hiding the Romulan Ale in different locations from back when Emperor George and Crowsis had used it to lure Paco Taco into the last MAP, but until we find out where it is we’ll have to be a bit more cleaver. The route back to the storage area was mired with many an eavesdropper too. Lord Billiam the keeper of the Space Station stopped Crowsis to confirm several times that something wasn’t going to happen to Paco Taco for example, to which Crowsis lied of course.

“I make, I write, I dance, I sing .. When I'm feeling really active (Verb!) .. I run, I ride, I swim, I fly! .. Other times when life is easy .. (Oh!) I rest, I sleep, I sit, I lie.” So after furiously digging out from under a pile of shipping peanuts … um … Tribbles … Crowsis manages to find what he needs to complete the task at hand. The roll of silvery colored, sticky, space “fix everything” and turned around to see Paco Taco laughing at him. “Geeze you will never lean Crowsis! The dark side is powerful and I Darth Taco will never be defeated by renegade space trash like you!” which forced the Super … um Crowsis to have to think that crossing over space fantasies is just tacky. Of course the Tacostopholese didn’t see it coming when he was the next victim of Lord Billiam who was walking by and wanted him in his office right away. This was just the break that Crowsis needed as Lord Billiam has never had a conversation in his office that lasted less than 40 minutes {space minutes none the less} and the look on the face of the Taco was every bit as terrified as he saw how fiendish the look on Crowsis’ face was.

“I’ll keep an eye on the starship IsuzuTrooper for you while you are gone Taco” Crowsis added with a chuckle as Paco Taco was being taken away against his will. “(Verb! That's what's happenin') .. I can take a noun and bend it, .. Give me a noun - .. (Bat, ball, rake, and plow) .. Make it a verb and really send it! .. (Show me how) .. Oh, I don't know my own power. (Verb!)”

After executing the rest of MAP 2 Crowsis merely had to go back to the Space Locker, start decontaminating after all of the damn Tribbles, and await the noise of Taco footsteps above him for Lord Billiams chambers were directly above it. This of course is how Crowsis is able to get away with many a prank for he can track the important people at all times. Upon hearing the disgruntled footsteps of the Tacoed One, Crowsis was able to slip out the back way on his speeder {looks very much like a ride on floor sweeper but don’t let that fool you} and high tail it back to the winders … um … “Dilithium Creation Areas” to wait for the Taco to walk up to his chambers. Everyone seeing Crowsis so intently standing there looking up, forced the rest of the space trash to come and join him. Most of them have been through this so often that they know that something really amusing is about to happen. “I get my thing in action (Verb!) .. In being, (Verb!) In doing, (Verb!) .. In saying ..A verb expresses action, being, or state of being. A verb makes a statement. Yeah, a verb tells it like it is!” {he now of course has everyone singing this} as they stare upward while Paco Taco places his key in the door latch.

Everyone at first was a bit disappointed that something didn’t fall on the Taco as he walked in there, but Crowsis raised his hand in a “wait a second” gesture so that everyone could watch more closely. About a minute passes until you hear the distinct “clack” of the air conditioner … um … Air Quality Unit, and then about 2 seconds later all of the windows around the thing went totally white. The thunderous laughter from everyone was already filling the promenade when the door swung open and there stood the Taco covered from head to toe in Talk from the exchange silo. Pointing down at Crowsis who was standing there applauding while everyone was screaming with laughter he yelled out “YOU!” Crowsis of course got that shocked look on his face and made an innocent look while pointing at himself.

“I’m too stupid to get past your lock, Paco Taco” and Crowsis found it impossible to keep a strait face as he walked away. The moral too this story of course is, “Don’t go looking for revenge on a man who still has nothing to lose” but that is yet to be seen. The Taco has shown that he has a very long memory after all so we shall see. The story should get a lot more interesting when he goes to leave work and finds all the mice that Crowsis had captured and let loose in the Starship IsuzuTrooper, or better yet when he doesn’t find them and they start to get a little “ripe” in his travels. “(Verb! That's what's happenin'.) .. I can tell you when it's happenin', .. (Past, present, future tense) .. Ooh! Tell you more about what's happenin', .. (Say it so it makes some sense) .. I can tell you who is happenin'! .. (Verb, you're so intense)” ;8o)

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