Wednesday, January 10, 2007

MAP TREK .. The Wrath of Taco - Part 1

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As the Starship FordFocus made its docking procedures into the awe inspiring space station PinkMafiolis so that our brave young hero {in this adventure anyway} Crowsis {a Nacluv … the great bastardized third cousins once removed’s babysitters of the Vulcans and the Romulans … known mostly for their total lack of logic or intelligence} appears as he always does 6am star time sharp, to clock in for his rounds of misery. He finds himself as always singing traditional Nacluv anthems as he walks along … “Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, got some adverbs here. Come on down to Lolly's, get the adverbs here! You're going to need ... If you write or read, Or even think about it.” The way that the other worldly creatures appear to be staring at poor Crowsis makes him feel a bit uneasy today, but then again most of the creatures that hang out at PinkMafiolis tend to be missing vital chromosomes anyway, so he went about his business as normal. “Lolly Lolly Lolly, get your adverbs here. Got a lot of lolly, jolly adverbs here. Anything you need and we can make it absolutely clear... “

Upon breaking away from star dock to make way across the system to the space station across the street … um … I mean on the other side of the quadrant, he could almost feel the eerie laughter that must have been taking place back at PinkMafiolis from almost the minute he had undocked. His quick jump to hyperspace using all four cylinders of Mazda ingenuity was almost effortless, and the docking procedures into PinkMafiolis Prime went without a hitch. Recycling cargo transporters in hand he was ready to take on the task of cleaning … um … Deep Space Sterilizing {yeah that sounds important} of the Command Headquarters of PinkMafiolis. Nothing special actually happens here other than the daily visits from the guest that haunts the place, but that is a different set of tales all together. “An adverb is a word (That's all it is! and there's a lot of them) That modifies a verb, (Sometimes a verb and sometimes) It modifies an adjective, or else another adverb And so you see that it's positively, very, very, necessary.”

Upon leaving yet another star dock the Starship FordFocus of course makes it’s assent towards the system of Downtownus for a bit of Interstellar Leg Peeping and a bit of a refueling at the space station DunkinDonuts since it is still well before any of the Very Important People get to PinkMafiolis to figure out that Crowsis is out drooling over space secretaries and drinking coffee, while he is on star time! It’s not easy being an intergalactic nare do well, but someone has got to do it! A simple beeping on the communicator {powered by Nextel} alerts Crowsis that someone is looking for him and then he is in FordFocus, and speeding back towards space station PinkMafiolis. Right when the space secretaries from the star bank were showing up mind you, so it was almost a teary good bye, but as always Crowsis managed to glide into star dock before he noticed any of the important people had arrived yet. “Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, get your adverbs here. Father, son, and Lolly selling adverbs here. Got a lot of adverbs, and we make it clear, So come to Lolly! (Lolly, Lolly, Lolly)”

Again though upon entering the great corridor that leads to the heart of PinkMafiolis, Superda … oops … I mean Crowsis, noted that the mighty Emperor of this Quadrant’s Starship was not in dock when he entered. Strange it was not to see the mighty DodgeDakota awaiting his triumphant return from his morning rounds. No matter to Crowsis as he has yet more rounds to accomplish on this fine morning, so off he goes to his storage locker {under the stairs to the esplanade … oh, that’s a cool word and I spelled it right too!} noting yet again that everyone was staring at him as he walked along, and most people in this space station usually don’t have the balls to look Crowsis in the eyes even as he tends to be rather … um … sprite like in his manner of dealing with space trash. “Hello, folks, this is Lolly, Sr., saying we have every adverb in the book, so come on down and look.” More over they appear to be following Crowsis into the Space Lounge {where his storage locker is … under the stairs to the esplanade … damnit pushed my luck on that one and had to use spell checker} and were gathering rather awkwardly trying to pretend not to look at him.

“Hello folks, Lolly, Jr. here. Suppose your house needs painting -- how are you going to paint it? That's where the adverb comes in. We can also give you a special intensifier so you can paint it very neatly or rather sloppily.” The key went into the lock to the closet … um … storage locker and people were still piling in to get a closer look at what was going on {now let’s keep in mind that Crowsis really didn’t notice this until after the fact} and with a click, the first lock was unsecured. Placing the other key into the door knob and giving it a turn created the … SPROING!!!!! As the door came careening open almost knocking Crowsis over and at least 5 million shipping peanuts … um … I mean Tribbles or some other spacely bad thing came flying out all over him. Despite the ingenuity that it must have taken to completely pack every square inch of the storage locker with these things and manage to get the door shut again, there was a new flurry of adjectives coming out of the mouth of Crowsis, and just for the sake of decency we won’t repeat them here. It all ended with him turning around and looking at the group of people laughing at him and saying “Paco Taco?” which made everyone laugh twice as hard.

“Use it with an adjective, it says much more, Anything described can be described some more. Anything you'd ever need is in the store, And so you choose very carefully every word you use.” {only sung less loud and with a bit less bravado then before} Crowsis decided to go confront his old nemesis that he hasn’t seen since the last prank war that they had endured left Paco Taco floating listlessly in space on the Botnay3rdShift and Crowsis had had all of the welding supplies taken away from him. The fact that Paco Taco had been covered by water and talc from the silos and Crowsis’ old ship the KiaSedona had been totally shrink wrapped and filled with dead and living intergalactic crawfish obviously hadn’t ended this feud and the Paco Taco had a long memory while floating around between 6pm to 6am Sunday through Thursday. There was only one thing to do in all of this … Act Juvenile … Operation Taco Regrets Everything Kwickly {Shut up! I'm writing this and spell check is off now ... um ... I mean TREK} ... To be continued …

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest