Thursday, January 4, 2007

Livin' With Evils's - Volume 23

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Well it’s the last thing that any father truly wants, but I was forced into it last night, and again today. That would be the whole concept of “trapped in a vehicle with your daughter” syndrome, and I had to do it on two different levels. The harder of the two was actually the little one which is actually strange when it comes to the whole “cornered by daughter” thing, but the older of the two came first. It went something like this …

“Well how come people are against Gay marriage?” which isn’t exactly my cup of tea mind you but it was what they were talking about on the radio. The talk show host {Howie Carr … Decent guy at times, but I tend to think he can over simplify things} was dead set against gay marriage and my daughter happens to be very much in favor of it. Her Myspace page looks like a Leprechaun threw up a Rainbow all over it, and I have never really had a dog in that fight. She knows that I am a right wing whacko { I know very hard to miss} so she assumed that I was against it, which I am not in the least. She also knows that I will be honest with her even if it means it will be uncomfortable, but she never seems to learn that I will ramble and go 17 different directions with everything too. As soon as I find the best way to approach it that is.

“Well first of all I happen to be in favor of Gay Marriage because it really doesn’t mean anything to me and I see it as being a violation of the liberties of people. The problem is that I find that I have two different definitions of the words. The people that are against it seem to think that marriage is for men and women and that it isn’t a violation of civil rights because they can still marry someone of the opposite sex, and chose not too,” and with that I trailed off hoping that she would simply change the radio station and I could be done with this. Nope she was sitting there with a vacant stare, “Well you see I look at marriage as being a religious ceremony, and then it would be up to the religion as to whether they accept it or not, the state only has a right to sanction the civil union itself and that is where they are being unfair based on sex, and not just sexual orientation. Some people actually do want to force churches to accept Gay marriage after the state does and that isn’t fair either,” nope trailing off here didn’t work either.

It’s funny actually because I happen to have talked to my Ex about this and her and her girlfriend are both dead set against it as well as about 50 percent of the lesbians I know {don’t ask it’s a lot} but the funny part is that the ones that are for it are for it foe the same reasons that I am. It really just doesn’t matter in the whole factor of the world. The daughter again was rather curious as to why the people on the radio get so jazzed about it all, which was not helping me out in the least as I wanted to simply get out of the conversation, “Because some people like to hold onto the way things are, and as I said, I see both sides of it all, I just don’t think that the things being held onto here actually are fair, but you know me, I’ll be complaining about it all when it gets out of hand,” and the insulting of self at the end finally got her to change the subject. I’m sure that she actually understood what I said {and yes it was a hell of a lot more than this, but I have been trying to cut down on blog size thank you very much} and when I got home, I looked up her Myspace page {which I do because spying is a parents right LOL} to see that she had changed it around a bit and had put “My Daddy” in her heroes section. Not bad for a 14 year old posing as a 19 year old {which I gave her permission to do or she can’t look at her friends pages … they all do it} but I hate it when she makes me like her like that out of the blue and all.

Enter day two as I am still reeling a bit from being stuck in the car with a 14 year old who is suffering from Gay Pride despite her straitness, when I was forced into scenario number two. The youngest had been really pissy that daddy hadn’t taken her anywhere in the car in a while so I figured that it wouldn’t be too bad to take her along to pick up her sister from her Big Sister program thingy. She was excited as I assume most 6 year old girls are to go for a drive with her daddy, and we were almost a whole mile away from the house when she dropped the bomb on me, “Why do we live with you instead of momma,” {OH GAWD KILL ME … LET ME BE THRUST FROM THIS CAR AT 50MPH!} which hit me like a ton of hammers falling from the sky. You see she really doesn’t have a clue about anything since she was about 1 and a half when I got custody of all of them. She has no clue about the 35 different men that lived with them in the 9 months, she doesn’t remember not eating, or if she did not getting food that was fit to eat. She doesn’t remember having her head shaved from the lice, and most of all she barely remembers the fire that made her homeless, except for the stories that she gets from her brother who unfortunately still has to go to a psychiatrist about it all. “Momma said …” and the rest need not even be described.

I can’t even begin to tell you how often a conversation with one of my children had to happen based on a “Momma says” and it is totally infuriating. One of the reasons that the oldest one is so “In Your Face Pro Gay Rights” is because her mother hates them, and many a “Momma says” has turned her into the “Anti Momma says” and this was no different as it was “Momma says ‘Insert Pile of Bullshit Here’” and now I have a daughter that I am forced to lie to as well. It’s for the best, I know, but it feels awful every time. Nobody ever kept what a bad person my mother was from me, and I ended up partly to mostly fucked up, so my plan to at least try something different has been the least I could do, “We just thought that it would be better for you kids if you came to live with Daddy, because then you could go to the same school” was what I came up with on such short notice, and thank God for being 6 and female because neither of those traits were going to let it lay there. The bad part was by this time we were there to pick up the big lazy daughter when this part of the conversation was happening.

The second the door opened up the little one said “Well Momma said that you stole us,” and I really did feel like I could cry at any moment because life gets so amazingly unfair at these times. I hate that woman and it is hard for me to remain civil about it because if I haven’t said it a million times I am on my way to it, but there is nothing more degenerate in the universe than a mother that doesn’t have the maternal instincts to place their kids first. Any love I ever had for that woman dissipated a long time ago but the seething hatred grows every time we have one of these moments.

“Daddy didn’t steal you, I did,” the big one said as she sat down in the car, “Momma isn’t well Baby Girl, and she wasn’t taking very good care of you and Boo Bear because she wasn’t feeling very good. She loves you very much but when you get sick like that it’s just really hard to do the right thing, so I went to live with daddy and then came and took you guys too. We’ve been a happy family ever since, and Momma still isn’t feeling very good so sometimes she accidentally says the wrong things,” and without another why, or another addition to the whole conversation the little one simply agreed and asked me to get her a donut. You see the operation change the subject that the big one had performed got us to Dunkin Donuts where I was picking up my Ice Coffee. The dropping of the whole subject was worth a donut actually, so I got donuts for everyone for the next morning.

I did pull the big one aside when we got home and thanked her for dealing with that and also thanked her for not going on one of her typical rants about what she thought of her mother. Let’s be honest here, since I told you about how the 8 year old is, the 14 year old saw a hell of a lot more of this and is far more bitter these days, so she tends not to watch her mouth. She looked at me and said, “It’s not her fault or your fault that our mother is a loser,” which still makes me cringe a bit when she says that, “I’m not going to let her hurt my sister because that’s my job and she isn’t stealing that away from me too,” which had me thinking that she obviously does listen to me a lot more than I give her credit for because that would have been the type of thing I would have said ;8o)

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest