Saturday, December 23, 2006

The Jeremy Crow Christmas Countdown 2006 #3


Meanwhile back in Megalopolis in the Superdaddycave everyone’s favorite Super Villain turned Crime fighter is tapping away at his faithful computer friend {probably writing porn the pervert} when the super secret red phone goes off on his desk. There is a look of bewilderment upon the face of the Superdaddyman as the dust is forming on that phone since the person who is usually on the other end has told the Superdaddyman once and for all that he wants to hear no more talk about the penguins which of course made the Superdaddyman assume that the world can have what it gets for being so ignorant to the plight of true evil! After the third annoying beep the Superdaddyman finally gives in and picks up the phone, “Hello Mr. President, to what do I owe this honor,” with a bit of sarcasm in his voice.

“Hey SD, this is Dubya,” the voice on the other end starts off with making the Superdaddyman have a bit of Déjà vu since he could have sworn he had already acknowledged that it was the President, “We have a serious emergency here that is in immediate need of your help. The ramifications of it threatens the very world as we know it, and I just want to be the first to say that you were right all along about the penguins!” which of course opened up the ears of the Caped Pervader a little more wide at this point. “The world is in great turmoil and we couldn’t think of anyone else to contact, but you see it appears that the penguins have kidnapped Santa …”

“Kidnapped Santa!” the Superdaddyman blurted out, “He’s one of the toughest Mo’s out there! How could they do that if he went all Santa Fu on their asses,” Superdaddyman paused a moment and then added, “It was their Christmas gift from me last year, I got a discount on the lessons.”

“I don’t know how it happened really, but I got a frantic call from Mrs. Claus and then organized the scrambling of Air Force One to come and get you. Condi is going to brief you on everything, and she is wearing a pantsuit so don’t think it’s another excuse to gawk at her legs, this is important stuff Superdaddyman!” the President takes a moment and then says, “I have to go because Spongebob Squarepants is coming on in a bit, but I want you to think about that old saying that ‘The enemy of my enemy is my friend’ because you are going to need all the help you can get in this one. Do it for your country and all of the little evils’s out there that are counting on you!” and with that the receiver on the phone clicked.

Superdaddyman sat sullen for a moment as he sat staring at the computer screen. He knew what the President meant, and he didn’t know if he was up for having to face two beasts in one evening, but the very fate of Christmas depended on him. More over, in this case in particular, the very enemy that he had been entrusted in protecting the people of Megalopolis from, without a doubt was the only hope to help save Santa. They are after all very big fans of Santa Claus themselves and probably would be able to put aside their petty differences with the Superdaddyman to help save Father Christmas, and then we all could part enemies once again to do battle another day. As the Superdaddyman opens his trusty communication device {AOL Instant Messenger} he sends out the call for a treaty negotiation and a “sit down” so that perhaps they can figure out what to do next, and then get over to the base to meet Air Force One even if Condi isn’t wearing a skirt.

“I’ve called you all here today to talk about combining our Super Powers to help the human race, and perhaps save Christmas,” the rumblings after the thought of saving the human race ended the moment saving Christmas had come out. “You see the penguins …” which brought Superdaddyman to a stop as the gang started hissing. Even The Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils’s {TOKE} has lost a favorite sock, or the remote control once or twice and is not too enamored with the evil Penguins at all, “You see the Penguins have kidnapped Santa Claus,”

Upon those words it was all that Captain ADHD {the diabolical mastermind behind TOKE} could take as he slammed his fist on the table “Those big Meanie Heads! If they think that they can get away with harming Santa, then I will get them!” which immediately had the rest of the TOKE brood making gestures of agreement immediately. The Superdaddyman is no dummy of course and finds it all to be a little too easy that his sworn enemies would so easily be persuaded to join forces with him, but it is Santa Claus after all.

“We will need all of you in on this to make the mission complete. Lazius Boycrazius and Instigatorus Boycrazius will be the muscle of the operation. Captain ADHD and Mini Evil will be in charge of the beguilement maneuvers. Imtoocutus and Notsocutus will be in charge of creating the cover of noise. You’re all in on this right because Air Force One is waiting for us on the other side of Megalopolis, and there will be no turning back once we get going?” which created the nod of agreement that starts the whole Quest to save the big guy we shall call Operation Save Christmas {OSC} and hopefully will succeed with hardly any casualties.

Walking onto Air Force One was a big deal to the Superdaddyman {he’s thinking that he can still get a view of Condi’s ass after all} and the evils’s of course just made a b-line for all of the most expensive looking things so that they could start tossing them around. The words of the Secretary of State were the first thing that Superdaddyman was greeted with as he walked into the living area of Air Force One, “Don’t stare at my ass either, this is an important mission and I don’t want you to get side tracked!” she immediately blurted out to the long face of Superdaddyman. “We’re going to get you to the South Pole and you all are going to take it from there. Um … why are you all wearing T-Shirts and jeans?” she looked them all over with a puzzled look on her face, “You do realize it is about 60 degrees below zero at the South Pole right?”

“That’s all, damn! Hey you guys get out your tank tops I thought it was going to be like Buffalo, but apparently it’s going to be a lot warmer,” the Superdaddyman yelled out to the back of the plane on deaf ears, as the evils’s were too busy breaking things and getting germs all over everything left intact. Once a terrorist always a terrorist, but the Superdaddyman looks back at Condi and says, “Now that that’s settled why don’t we sit over her and you can cross your legs and let me see a little ankle?” which gets a groan from the Secretary. “Fine we’ll do it your way, I’ll just sneak peeks at things when you aren’t looking, I was just trying to make it easy on you.”

“I don’t think you are capable of taking anything seriously are you?” she said and then decided to add, “Never mind, you’re going to the South Pole to foil a diabolical scheme by a bunch of penguins and save Santa Claus, I should get my head examined,” then she lifted up her pant leg to show Superdaddyman a little calf, “I will deny this if you tell anyone,” she then said under her breath as she walked by the Superdaddyman which of course got him hot … To be continued