Tuesday, December 19, 2006

The Jeremy Crow Christmas Countdown 2006 #7


As they all huddle by the mailbox this time of year waiting breathlessly in anticipation for that letter … THE letter that they always pray is coming in, I sit down in my office rat-a-tat-tatting at my keyboard because I could care less. Yeah Jeremy “Scrooge” Crow doesn’t wait by any mailbox for anything because even the good news isn’t that great around here. Usually it is bills, sometimes I get the cool new Columbia House CD {because I am a dork and let them just auto-deliver the new ones} and of course the stray “You are guaranteed credit” {for about 180 dollars in fees a year and an interest rate that would make your bookie proud} but this time of year Greektradgedius Inyiddish waits eagerly at the mailbox for that check from my father which is supposed to equate to MY Christmas present. She will then bitch, cry, moan, guilt, and be a total bloodsucking nightmare until I give most of it to her. Now why would anyone really look forward to this? Keeping in mind that I have accepted the lack of any manhood that I once had before I had children it all really compounds back to when I actually sold my soul to the devil, and I simply hang myself on the cross each and every day for it.

It goes back to when I first had my divorce to The Mother of all the Evils’s {TME} who had basically thrown me out and moved my replacement in the next day. You learn a lot as life goes on but people like myself always take the noble way, and often don’t know what really is the noble way. By walking out of that house the Martyr I had set myself up for a series of events that has me sitting in a basement typing my life on a computer and dreading my Christmas gifts every bit as much as buying them for others. My walking out like a gentleman set me up for my ex wife, and my kids living with a drug dealer, and half of my paychecks going to them every week, whether I liked it or not. Possession is nine – tenths the law in every court in the country, regardless of what a bad mother she was already starting to become. Oh well, I went insane anyway from the betrayal and was a danger to my own children for the next year despite my own responsibilities of paying my child support and seeing the kids every other weekend, and having to buy them new clothes and other things because the money I was sending was being wasted on booze and drugs. I went on, despite the bulimia {exercise variety … I wasn’t a gagger} and the Ephedra I was popping into my system like candy, I was supporting the kids and had my own house in it all but was having a hard time maintaining the house. My ex moved two hours away and again there was nothing I could do about it, and it was right before my kids birthdays.

Christmas Day of 2001 I finally lost it completely, and got into my Minivan and drove west until I ended up in a little town called Malta New York where I decided that I was going to start my life over again. I didn’t want to know anyone, but the people there were extremely friendly. I had taken up bowling and gotten pretty damn good at it and it is the 10 pin capital of the universe out there, so that was all I needed. I sold my house back in Portsmouth and bought my Grandmother’s house from her with the stipulation that she would live there for the rest of her life and every two weeks I would drive the 5 hours there, then the two hours past that and the two hours back with the kids and have a place to stay with them for my visitations. It was the only way to separate myself from the hellhole that I think New Hampshire truly is, and grow up a bit. She was in financial ruin because she never really could deal with living within her means, so by buying the house from her she didn’t have to pay the taxes {over 70} and I could avoid the capital gains, but again, that which I thought was noble was to be totally hampered by my own mistakes of the past and I never saw it coming.

I met the woman that was to be my next wife and we had moved in together when I went to pick up the kids right before my birthday and my ex-wife wanted to have a talk with me. She explained how my oldest daughter was abusing the two younger kids, and she was worried that she was going to hurt them really badly, and wanted me to take her back to New York with me, so I had a talk with the future EX3 about the whole situation. She knew that biologically Lazius Boycrazius was not my daughter but through adoption and the fact that she had known nobody other as her daddy, that I loved her and wanted to do the right thing. She was the one who actually gave me the strength to bring her back with us, and she has never left my custody since, but I really should have seen what was coming next, and I was blind to the real ramifications of what was going to happen. I asked the future Miss EX3 to marry me on my birthday {I asked her to be the best birthday present I ever had} and Lazius Boycrazius was in on it all, and she accepted and when we got home from the bowling alley that I asked her to marry me in {hey to us it was the Ritz damnit!} there was a message on my answering machine from my former mother in law. She wanted to tell me that she had the other two kids because TME was passed out drunk when Captain ADHD had burned down the apartment building that they lived in. Needless to say my thirty second birthday was pretty memorable.

I didn’t own a house anymore technically so I was forced to tell the future Miss EX3 that I had to go back to New Hampshire and take the kids away from TME, because it was obvious that, without Lazius Boycrazius there to take care of all of them they were in eminent danger at all times. I finally was willing to use every last penny I had to get them away from her. Thanks to the State of Maine using all of their resources to keep their welfare rolls in top form, it did cost me every penny I had. EX3 was a real trooper about it all as she came back with me, and we were eventually married. The kids despite the 5 appeals that TME was granted never left my home again and are in no eminent danger anymore as the State has told TME that she is a menace, and taken all custody from her. I never really had to say a word because; she would just walk into court each time and be my best witness. Unfortunately I was beholden to living in a house with two women, and despite what some people will say, that is no way to live your life. Again EX3 was a real trooper and lasted as long as she could with Greektradgedius Inyiddish dominating the house foolishly, never allowing any of the bills to go into our name, and of course myself simply withdrawing into my own world sick of the two of them fighting all the time and just wanting to just get to the end of it all. She left on Christmas Day two years ago, and I never could find it in my heart to blame her, despite the pain of it all.

Now the sad part of all of this is that Christmas has always been doomsday in my life. My family is a totally sick and twisted joke, so there really has been no joy since my mother left, but sometimes I can see the good moments my children have had, or I can remember back to the days when I was a Captain ADHD and I would wake up at 2am in the morning on Christmas day and go mental the whole morning until my parents woke up, but realistically this time of the year just sucks. I look at it all as responsibility, extra work, and no reward. I have managed to get a really good system going for how I distribute gifts that involves my credit card from the credit union. I fill it until it is exhausted and then gift giving is over. My kids having their birthdays a few months before Christmas usually has the thing about half full before Christmas so the gifts aren’t usually that extravagant, but this year thanks to a rather large raise at work I happened to have the thing empty in time to get really fabulous presents for the kids. Today when Greektradgedius Inyiddish was bitching about how I spent too much on the kids gifts this year {A computer for Captain ADHD, a TV with built in DVD and VCR for Imtoocutus, and A Zune for Lazius Boycrazius} she then interjected about how she needed my Christmas check from my father because she had to pay the taxes on the house, I looked her right in the face and said “Sorry, I used it to pay off my credit card already.” ;8o)