Saturday, December 16, 2006

The Jeremy Crow Christmas Countdown 2006 #10


Well Ho Ho Ho, as the Superdaddyman is one step ahead of the game this year as he threw away all of his Christmas presents before he even got a chance to open them. One of the covert operations that brings everyone’s favorite Super Villain turned Super Hero in the very lair of the biggest of the Evils’s aka Lazius Boycrazius, for another one of her “cleaning” lessons, she executed one of her most evil plots to try to thwart the Superdaddyman ever! I imagine there should be a little background into how we managed to get to this level of “Wild Animal Training” on a day to day basis, for those of you that are new to the awe inspiring genius {and often lack there of} of the very savior of the human race from The Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils’s {TOKE} and why I am standing in the lair of the biggest member holding a trash bag.

You see it all begins with genetics, and it moves on to bad training of the “Wild Animals” that children truly are. Now a long time ago, in a land far away there was the most devious creature known to mankind {The Mother of all the Evils’s … aka TME} who had an offspring {Big Evil, phylum Lazius Boycrazius, aka the Muscle of TOKE} and the Superdaddyman was not on the scene for this. As a matter of fact, he was still the Super Villain that was transformed {during a freak accident about 10 years later} into the Singledaddyman who later acquired the great powers of the Superdaddyman! About 4 years of TME teaching Lazius Boycrazius the art of Irresponsibility, followed by about 3 years of the art of Infidelity, then the capper of the art of Irrationality, led Lazius Boycrazius into the protective services of The Singledaddyman {named aptly after his divorce} who was now about to make the final transformation of the Superdaddyman! In other words she was created long before I met her, then after a rather rocky marriage to her mother, which ended because she couldn’t keep her legs closed, then the year and a half that she had custody of all three … Superdaddyman was the end result of the custody battle that happened when I was forced to take the kids from TME, because she was that bad. In a nutshell that is how I ended up the single father of a 14 year old as well as an 8 year old and a 6 year old.

Now the big problem with trying to train this particular form of “Wild Animal” is that the one thing that TME taught her while neglecting her was to be impossible to torture, stubborn, and closed minded. Keeping with the respects that she is a 14 year old female of the species and being tended too by a 36 old male means that aside from the disadvantage of having not a clue about the brain damage that just being 14 and female truly means, she has already learned the art of “yeah, big deal.” It is absolutely impossible to beat an animal like this down because after an entire summer of her not being able to leave the house, use the phone, or take advantage of every single thing that operates off of electricity until she cleaned her room, the Superdaddyman finally decided to do it for her with a trash bag. The plan worked rather well because her room was spotless after he did it, because he threw away almost everything she owned. Superdaddyman was able to weather the barriers that the evil little animal had set up {open nail polish remover bottles to which Superdaddyman is highly allergic to acetone, but he had the flu so bad that it couldn’t get into his nostrils that day} and in the end had no conscience over throwing away her gameboy, mp3 player, all of her make up, and all of her CDs that were scattered on the floor in between all the trash. The initial shock of it all and then having it done the very next day straitened her out for about a month.

It was a wonderful month, and then Superdaddyman let down his guard and started granting parole to Lazius Boycrazius, to which she repaid him by {as always} becoming far worse than she was before. The room got out of control and the homework was not being done, and the Superdaddyman again was getting phone calls from the school. Her laundry was piling up in piles on the floor, and when she was finally forced to wash it all last weekend, then it got thrown in the corner, and after a few days her room was unable to be walked through. The Superdaddyman finally put his foot down and stated that he was going into that room with the trash bag again if it wasn’t done that night. Of course it wasn’t and on top of the big pile of rubble were all of her clothes, all of the Christmas presents, and all of her schoolbooks and homework. The Superdaddyman had to muster all of his strength to simply clean the room as he promised that he would. After of course placing all of her schoolbooks on her desk, but still throwing away all of her clothes, and all of the Christmas presents with a bit of sadness in this Superdaddyheart as he was doing it. Three whole trash bags dragged out of there and here we are again at square one.

It was yesterday when she came down the stairs dressed in shorts and a t-shirt but the Superdaddyman wasn’t there to hear the whole voice that Lazius Boycrazius was using as she whined to her great grandmother aka Greektradgedius Inyiddish {GTIY} who had been in all reality behind the whole incident every bit as much as the Superdaddyman. Her constant bitching about the situation {meaning GTIY} is usually the straw that breaks the Superdaddyman’s back because the evil leader of Mophaka Al Queholic {MAQ} simply gets under your skin like that. Superdaddyman at this time was doing his normal infiltration of the Pink Mafia headquarters, so he didn’t get to hear the tale and play back up violin, but received the full edited version of it when he got home. The sad news that Superdaddyman has to report is that years of dealing with this has taught him two things unfortunately as he was listening to the retelling of the story from the diabolical head of {MAQ} when he got into the Casa Di Evils’s after a very long day at Pink Mafia headquarters. The first of which and the one that the Superdaddyman really needs to get through his thick skull, is that she hasn’t learned a thing, but secondly and probably the most important lesson to our favorite Crime Fighter … It’s kind of amusing to him now ;8o)