Saturday, November 4, 2006

Superdaddyman Takes On The Pink Mafia - Volume 10


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It was the usual dark and dreary day at the Headquarters of the dreaded Pink Mafia {PMHQ} for the rain had started many hours before that time that daylight was supposed to crack through the night sky. Under the early cloak of darkness your favorite super villain turned super hero, Superdaddyman managed to sneak into the headquarters through his superior lurking abilities, and keen intellect that tells him “when you hear arguing on the other side of the door … the coast is clear!” This would have been a typical morning had it not been for the large pallet truck that had showed up in the pouring rain expecting to be offloaded. Now mind you all that the Superdaddyman fears no task including, but not limited to, unloading 700 pallets in the pouring rain, in the dark.

On this particular day, as with all days the Superdaddyman has his usual tasks to do before he can even consider mounting the Mini Superdaddymobile {aka fork truck} and patrolling the grounds. Of the utmost importance is the espionage that goes on in the headquarters on the other side of the hill {aka cleaning toilets in the offices} that has to be done by 7:30 am every morning before he becomes a distraction to the doting throngs of secretaries that appear at that time. This is actually an understood normality amongst all of the brood that runs the transporting department of PMHQ, so the Superdaddyman was not really involved in this argument and could commence with the spying procedures that will allow him to attain important data. Well ok, realistically there is no important data to be had when these people bicker, but it is amusing to the Superdaddyman none the less. It’s times like these that remind the Superdaddyman that his planned Christmas … oops … Ramahanakwansmas Gifts {Superdaddyman offends NO ONE!} of diapers for all of his co-workers is definitely the most practical one.

This of course was the typical arguments all mixed into one ball of “oh my God, kill me now” irrationality, which made it all that much more amusing. You had the one operative code-named “The Whiner” squaring off against the other operative code-named “The Hider” about who was actually going to go out and do the work. Again The Superdaddyman would usually do this, just to stop the bickering, but again he is otherwise indisposed at the moment, so The Whiner is upset that The Hider is going to do what he usually does. Can you think of what that might be boys and girls? Right, he will find a place to hide until the work is done. Of course the undertones to the whole conversation are also pointedly angry towards the driver of the truck who should have known, not to even show up before 7:30 when the Superdaddyman would be able to do all the work. I’m crying on the inside for the, I swear!

Off to Mount Olympus to clean up after the “spoiled” class slobs that occupy the main offices of PMHQ. This can always be a new adventure, and the Superdaddyman is concerned as all of the doors had been locked to the offices the day prior, which is usually to keep the Superdaddyman and everyone else out of the offices. In Janitor Speak this usually implies that there is a tour which requires presentations and nobody want anyone else to see the projects that they were working on in their offices. It also translates to “goodie” the day that the doors are locked because there is a hell of a lot less to do, those mornings, and the Superdaddyman can go driving around the city of Megalopolis gawking … oops I mean … looking after the fair maidens of the city in their business skirts, as they walk from coffee shop to offices before work. It’s a hard job, but a Superhero has got to do what a Superhero has got to do. The day after all the doors are locked is another story though as the entire place will be totally trashed from something that looks like it starts off as a catered business luncheon, but always ends up looking like a good old fashioned office orgy, the way they leave trash and food everywhere. This usually means that on that day the fair maidens may not get their proper “skirt inspections” before work on those days, which are a travesty, but the Pink Mafia has no scruples after all!

Here we are standing in the hallway to the Pink Mafia Corporate Offices {PMCO} and again all the doors are locked and the trashcans are outside the doors. “This can’t be good,” is the only thought that the Caped Pervader has going through his head. How is he supposed to get the valuable data necessary to bring down the dreaded Pink Mafia if he can’t thumb through all of their paperwork, while cleaning their desks? Two days in a row has never happened before, so this was a bit perplexing. The “goodie” factor was there as the fair maidens of Megalopolis were indeed going to be “inspected” as we all know that desperately live for, but the question mark of “What the hell is going on?” looms over the place like the clouds outside loom over those idiots unloading the truck {oh yeah … Muahahahaha} and the data will have to be accumulated elsewhere. Needless to say, the trash was procured {and some good data was acquired in there actually, as the Superdaddyman found the “Love Note” from the two that he knew all along were doinking, and is now filed away for when spouses need to be alerted … um … for the good of all, of course} and the hallways was vacuumed in record time, so off we go to protect the fair maidens, and then back to PMHQ to procure more data disguised as bickering.

Superdaddyman of course walked into a new slew of bickering this time, which was rather confusing to him as apparently The Whiner and The Hider had switched roles today in an attempt to confuse the Superdaddyman. Of course the Whiner was still whining and the Hider was off hiding, but what had happened while the Superdaddyman was away did not fit the script that he had left behind for them. From what I gathered, The Hider actually went out and unloaded the pallet truck by himself before the Whiner had even gotten out there. To compensate for the “out of sequence” series of events, the Whiner has been whining about the way the pallets had been stacked, since he couldn’t whine about the Hider hiding. For the rest of this exercise we should probably call Superdaddyman, I Don’t Know and put him on third base. By interjecting some logic into the whole debate, the Superdaddyman had made the whole situation worse. “Well what the hell is your problem? At least he did it for a change, and you know that when the rain stops I am going to go out there and rearrange whatever either of you did because you both do it wrong anyway!” which was not what the Whiner wanted to hear.

Now there is a proper chain of command in this organization, as there is in any faction. I have explained it all to you in the past with King George, and Paco Taco, but this is after all a different crew in the Pink Mafia so it all works out a bit differently here. The methodology of “Just get the job done and I will fix it for you later” doesn’t flush over here, so the little hamsters had been spinning the wheels in the Whiner’s head long before the Superdaddyman had even appeared to interject “logic” into the debate. The proper channels had already been initiated, which meant that the Superdaddyman was in for a long day trying to explain “logic” to one idiot at a time for the rest of the day. I will be forced to start with The Cappo De Pawna {Plant Manager} because in this crew the chain of command is to go strait to the top and cry like a little baby, skipping all of the underbosses on the way to him. The Cappo De Pawna immediately wanted the Hider on the phone so that he could yell at him. Did it occur to anyone that it was pouring rain out this morning, and perhaps looking up in the air on an open top fork lift so that you could stack the pallets properly wasn’t exactly an option? This, of course, negates 5 IQ points from the Superdaddyman for trying to explain “logic” again, because the definition of insanity after all is “doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results!”

After everyone gets done yelling at each other with the Superdaddyman standing off to the side taking notes on which prints will be on these people’s Ramahanakwansmas Gifts {Muppets for The Cappo, Harry Potter for The Hider, Sesame Street for The Whiner ….} and initiating Operation Fix the Screw Ups {OFSU} by locating the Mini Superdaddymobile, the Capo De Pawna pulls Superdaddyman off to the side to ask him a few questions about the offices. Apparently the offices have been getting so trashed on the weekends that they were worried that someone was breaking into the place. Of course telling the Cappo De Pawna he truth that there is a Ghost up there is not an option because the Superdaddyman prefers the sleeves of his shirts to not be chained in the back, he had to give him that usual simpering Jeremy Crow stare to convince him that there is a hamster wheel up there with a dead hamster laying on it. As usual the ploy worked as the Capo simply formulated his own opinions and started compiling a list of the people he thinks did it, as he was walking away. The Superdaddyman of course spied the list as long as he could before he was out of eye shot, to figure out who he hated more on that list. Manipulation is an important ally to getting rid of your enemies after all.

The smartest move for our favorite Super Hero now was to simply keep his logic to himself, as he waited for the sun to come out, and made the trek outside with the Mini Superdaddymobile. The stacks of pallets that simply weren’t big enough for everyone because the Hider didn’t double stack them were easy enough to rectify. The only hard part of the whole endeavor was when the Hider came out of hiding, and wanted to switch roles with the Whiner for a bit. After listening to his long drawn out tirade about how everyone is a such and such and he finally gave the Superdaddyman a long enough pause to foolishly try to interject logic. Saying the typical shlock of “I can see both sides of the argument” didn’t work for him of course because he isn’t a liberal and only they get to play both sides of every argument I guess so the Superdaddyman finally had to interject the mother of all logic when the Hider inquired as to what point the Capo had by stating “His point is that he can fire your ass, so next time just say you understand instead of arguing with him!” ;8o)

Have a question you want answered? Feel free to ask this sicko! Post any question you want Jeremy Crow to answer in the comments section of this blog and he will answer it totally honestly and to the best of his ability A.S.A.P. {One Question & One Answer per Blog, and no answers will be given to things that will harm others!}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. JC~

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