Sunday, November 19, 2006

Superdaddyman Takes On The Mother Of All The Evils's - Volume 3

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Well it’s time for me to use my blog as I once had as a … well … blog, and talk about what was a very stressful weekend. It all started when my ex-wife’s sister called Saturday morning to remind me that I had said that the kids could go out there for a slumber party. We are talking about EX2 or “The Mother of All the Evils’s” {MAE} sister here which means that there were a lot of miscue’s along the way naturally. I knew that she was going to do this because to be related to any of them means that you simply ignore your responsibilities until the last minute and then demand what others promised you. She never called to confirm like she said she would, but of course the day was burned into my mind like a terrifying bad dream, because I had finally gotten the house into a somewhat state of normalcy. These things only come up when I finally have recovered from the last problem, so why should this be any different. I have at least learned to edit my own promises to fit the situation in the name of the children. This time I agreed to let the girls go out and to keep the boy here so that at the very least I could keep him on his sleeping schedule that has made all the difference in his school life.

Needless to say, after the hour and a half long drive out to the “sister’s” house the MAE was there and she was not happy about the boy not being with me, but I wasn’t going to let him get all upset because his mother was there and he wasn’t staying. She later ended up calling the house asking what my “problem” was now, which prompted me to call her back and tell her off today. I suffer from immaturity syndrome as well sometimes and simply wanted her to acknowledge that she doesn’t do anything to support the children and at the very least I was going to start micro-managing the damage that she does otherwise. I know that put that simply it probably looks like I am a bad father who keeps his children from their mother, but trust me there is a lot of history with all of this. She doesn’t pay child support and has not lived in the same place {on average} for more than a month, so it is really hard to keep explaining away her issues to them. The girls don’t seem to be effected by her, as the oldest one really has grown to dislike her, and probably wouldn’t have gone if she knew she would be there, and the youngest one ignores her because I assume she has some sort of “defense” mechanism. The son on the other hand gets overly emotional about it all and still blames himself for not living with her and I finally touched that rail today when I told her that she needs to stop “letting him” feel that way.

The problem as it always goes is her boyfriend {which she is never without one but rarely with the same if you know what I mean} who as always seems like a nice guy, but they all do. The one she left me for was a drug dealer who dumped her almost immediately after. The next one was a schizophrenic {which only came out in court, and yes there were several “week long” ones in between there but I don’t remember any of them really} which used to threaten me every time I went to pick up the kids. The next was the “schizophrenic’s” best friend that she left him for, and she was still with when I took custody of the kids. In court we found out that he had a really bad cocaine habit which is why he was threatening to kill me, when she left him for another guy. Then there was the leader of a “death metal” band who worked running all of the “Porn Shops” up the east coast here, followed by one of his customers who the oldest daughter told me she didn’t want to go around because he gave her the creeps. After going back into court to keep her from having to go spend the night at this guy’s house and more money on lawyers wasted, we came to find out that he did indeed keep large quantities of kiddie porn, at another hearing. The next druggie was who she was with when the court finally told her that she was dangerous, and took all custodial rights away from her.

Later on I had decided that she was appearing to be mature, and perhaps deserved another shot at seeing the kids. I supervised visitations, and then after meeting her boyfriend this time {again … seemed to be a nice guy} I agreed to her having overnight visitations, and the night before the second one, Prince Charming beat her up so badly that he had to be carted off to jail. Did I mention that she never bothered telling me and I didn’t find out until right before I was going to pick them up? Later on after squashing her having them overnight or alone again because I determined her judgment was pretty bad, and the court actually did give me the right to allow her or not to see the kids, she got married to a guy who was going to prison so that she could watch his child for him. Mind you now, I only have this information second hand because she still isn’t being very frank about it all, and started shacking up with another guy whom I never met because I didn’t let them around the kids, and now she is apparently with the guy that was in prison, or “The Nice Guy” that I mentioned before this brief history. Heaven forbid that I start assuming that she may have some issues of being dangerous in the way she behaves, but keep in mind that through this 4 year saga she has also lived in 3 states, over a dozen different towns and cities, and at last count over 40 locations, and I have started simply assuming that perhaps she is just beyond help.

Now that we are off of the history, let’s start talking about the conversation that I had with the new boyfriend. Again he seems ok, and he actually has custody of his own daughter because his ex-wife apparently has the same problems that MAE has. That is warning flag number one that HE should be concerned with as he is defending the behavior of the woman he is living with now, is the fact that his taste in women obviously rivals MINE! I can honestly say this about the poor guy, because I WAS that poor guy with the very same woman 9 years ago {oh fuck I am getting old} which is that he took me down memory lane and gave me some fodder for the psychological manner to which I try to explore my own issues. I was brought back to the memories of the things her ex-husband {before me} was trying to tell me about her and that poor guy really has drank the Kool Aid. I desperately want to trust him but can’t simply give into the emotions that are involved with simply “wishing” that someone was a better person than history would dictate based on the mental disorders that we are dealing with here. The call I received from her sister a while after I had called the boyfriend back simply to apologize for yelling at him, justified everything that I was standing for in this case. She had told me that MAE and Lazius Boycrazius had spent the whole day fighting before, and she was bringing the kids back early, just so that she could make sure that they are gone before she could find a ride over there, and do more damage.

I am still quaking over the whole conversations that I had had with MAE and “whatshisname” as MAE’s sister and I were both calling him because we both know his time in her life is limited, because it gets really old having to rehash all of the memories that make it so that the woman that you had children with can’t see her own kids. People don’t believe me when I say this but NOBODY prays for that woman more than I do. If I had it my way, she would be a responsible part of their lives and it would help with the burden of being a single father who sometimes feels trapped by the responsibilities that he has. This doesn’t mean that I don’t get angry, and some times hate her with every fiber of my being because I get jealous, believe it or not. I like everyone else in this world get upset that I go to a job that I don’t like, but I have to feed them. Going without a paycheck for a week is NOT an option. I find myself miserable sometimes that I can’t simply get in my car and go out on a Saturday night and do whatever the hell I want. I sometimes wish I could take the long way home from work without having to worry about getting kids off the bus, or can’t simply go off on a trip. This is a fundamental set of differences between the two of us, and I wish that she could take her parental responsibilities the same, but she can’t, and the trick to getting past the “child phase” of adult life is to do the right things, and with as much of your hair as you can hang on to. For that I am not going to apologize to her or anyone else. I pay my dues ;8o)

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest