Monday, November 20, 2006

Lazius Boycrazius Takes On The Mother Of All The Evils's - Volume 1

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Well the battle plans have been laid for what should be a really good battle in Megalopolis between The Mother of all the Evils’s {MAE} and the biggest of all the evils’s, the diabolical Lazius Boycrazius. Like most terrorist factions The Terrorist Organization Known as The Evils’s {TOKE}, Mophaka Al Queholic {MAQ}, and Operation Get the Daddyman {OGD}, have a very hard time participating on the same page of evil doings, as it pertains to destroying Superdaddyman. This is what commonly happens amongst Megalomaniacs, and is why Spiderman rarely has to worry about taking on more than 1 or 2 super villains at the same time. During those times that they decide that “The enemy of my enemy is my friend” it usually tends to splinter dramatically, and here is a perfect example of it. Although MAE {The fiendish leader of OGD} had a concrete plan to take down Superdaddyman as she always does, it was still a botched scenario as she tripped over the fierce opposition of Lazius Boycrazius {The “Muscle” in TOKE} who happens to already be bigger that MAE anyway, which also changes the dynamic.

Now keep in mind that like most diabolical schemes that transpire in the real world. Superdaddyman was not in the region as these simple minded plots were starting to form, and has to go off of the information of second hand operatives in this case. Extracting information from a 14 year old girl is a real lesson in total futility, so Superdaddyman is expecting to hear the first hand information sometime after his retirement party {age 78} which doesn’t aid in thwarting evil doings in the present. This is where it takes the keen deductive reasoning skills of the Superdaddyman to fill in the holes with the assistance of his Master’s Degree in Counterintelligence {aka watching Captain ADHD do things that are counter to intelligent} and ability to decipher the top secret code in Megalopolis known as Gossip! Now the plan to get more of the Superdaddyman’s sanity was a solid one as MAE had now interjected her newest pawn in the battle {whatshisname … they die off so fast} who presented a logical approach to prisoner transport, by demonstrating that he had his own vehicle. Unfortunately Lazius Boycrazius was not particularly happy about the prisoner transport arrangements as she discovered the truth about said transportation device. It appears that it might actually be stolen.

Of course Lazius Boycrazius had been testing out one of her new diabolical weapons on the Superdaddyman {The Strait People For Gay Marriage Weapon} which doesn’t effect the Superdaddyman, but that didn’t keep her from using her newest technology on someone that it would work on … MAE! You see unfortunately for MAE she happens to be a severe Homophobic, so seeing all of Lazius Boycrazius’s new shirts with the pink triangle, and all of the “Gay Speech” all over her Indoctrination Devices {MySpace Page} forced her to decide she want to use her “Parental Weapon” on Lazius Boycrazius. Now we have gone into great detail about how MAE’s “Parental Weapon” isn’t even loaded, and only gets used when she feels that she is being embarrassed {like when she found the blog entry by Lazius Boycrazius entitled “Why I Hate My Mother” and thought that demanding that it be taken down would work} and unfortunately for her Lazius Boycrazius knows that it isn’t loaded. More to the point Lazius Boycrazius gets really angry when MAE uses the “Parental Weapon” because she feels that it questions her intelligence. She already was not particularly happy that MAE showed up at a party she was invited to for her cousins.

Now from what the Superdaddyman has been able to surmise in all of the code {gossip} it appears that Lazius Boycrazius was taking irrational grief from MAE when, from what we have been told, this light bulb went off over her head, and it was pretty scary from what everyone involved was trying to say. Common sense would have dictated that this was going to happen sooner or later, but again, Superdaddyman is the only one with any common sense in this whole shmoz, and he wasn’t there. Lazius Boycrazius became self aware right in front of MAE, and grabbed her by the throat, which must have been rather intimidating as she has about 2 inches and 30 pounds on MAE now. Throw in the fact that even the most rudimentary values that someone wouldn’t do this to their own mother, based on the fact that MAE has never actually acted like her mother, and mix that together with the emotions that go along with THAT issue. Whatshisname {to his credit} didn’t know what to do in this case because he didn’t have the balls to pull Lazius Boycrazius off of MAE {which is a good thing because nobody is going to lay a hand on one of the Evils’s that Superdaddyman has sworn his life to defend} and it kinda ended up being left to MAE’s sister {aka the Dipshit} to break up the little scuffle. She happens to be about 98 pounds after a large meal and with soaking wet hair. MAE didn’t last to long at the TOKE meeting that was going on, and proceeded to make the phone call that led to her explosion that was outlined in yesterday’s blog.

Superdaddyman still has not gotten the truth about any of this from MAE or Lazius Boycrazius, which he is not expecting to get any time soon. MAE is incapable of speaking truth which is part of her diabolical nature, and Lazius Boycrazius is 14 years old which makes talking to Superdaddyman against her constitutional make up. Superdaddyman did have a talk with Lazius Boycrazius as he was transporting her to her usual Sunday Night Terrorism Retreat {disguised as a Church Group, but Superdaddyman is all knowing} about her responsibilities in all of this. Actually it is one of those things where Superdaddyman just talks a lot and hopes that something sticks or at the very least relates to the situation at hand. “You see I am trying to make it so that MAE can have some form of visitation again, which means that her and Whatshisname …” because Superdaddyman really doesn’t remember his name because they change so quick which Lazius Boycrazius pointed out as well, “but you are at the age where I am not going to make you go along anymore,” after a bit of thought the Superdaddyman very keenly added, “the kids will be fine and you don’t have to go along to protect them, they both know full well that if they pull any stunts she won’t see them for another God knows how long. I think you should just spend your weekends hanging out with your friends if you want, since you two aren’t getting along anymore. Perhaps after a while apart the two of you can start seeing eye to eye again, but until then I am not going to make you hang out with her because everyone is telling me that she isn’t treating you very good.”

Now reading the silence and the grunts, is the only way that you actually get anything out of this if you are the Superdaddyman, and it appeared that she confirmed through “Grunt Speech” but for all I know I might have just endorsed her running off and marrying a biker or something. It really is too bad that it has gotten to this point but even an idealistic Super Hero can tell that a lot of the issues that the two of them have is EX3 {the wife of the Superdaddyman that came after MAE aka EX2 who happened to come out of the closet about being a lesbian during the marriage} who happens to be the employer of Lazius Boycrazius. MAE made it well known that she didn’t like all of the Gay crap that EX3 was “forcing” on her despite the fact that it could have been things that she had gotten from the Superdaddyman as well since most of his friends happen to be Gay. The real problem that MAE has is that she is a terrible person who refuses to improve herself, even when her own daughter spells it out for her in a blog, or spends a large amount of their time together trying to get it across to her. The fact that EX3 has always been more of a mother to her than MAE only serves to make MAE angry, but like the blog that she read and found embarrassing {despite it being 100% true, and in the end made it impossible for Superdaddyman to demand that she get rid of it, when he finally read it} are merely sign posts. These sign posts have been placed for MAE to read from everyone along her downward spiral, and she refuses to change one bit, despite having the Evils’s taken away from her and having the state tell her that she is so dangerous that she is NOT allowed to be alone with them. Lazius Boycrazius has finally started lashing out to tell MAE that she {meaning Lazius Boycrazius} is sick of trying to tell her to become a better person. Unfortunately MAE doesn’t understand that that means 1 down 2 to go ;8o)

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest