Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Musical Methadone & Mental Masterbation - Volume 16


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The day was a bit too productive at the Pink Mafia Headquarters {PMHQ} for everyone’s favorite Super Villain turned Super Hero Superdaddyman as again the dreaded Pink Mafia had made people simply “disappear” in their work capacities. The Caped Pervader was busy indeed running contraband from one end of the warehouse to the other all day, as he normally does, but at a much higher volume, to notice the evil that was again lurking throughout the strange bowels of the sinister world that only a brave crime fighter like Superdaddyman can defend the entire unknowing world from. There’s a new kid in town seeking to replace the Superdaddyman as the under boss to the Capo Di Tutti Fruiti King George the Blind {KGB}, and like the many before him he has not gotten on board with the understanding that kissing the ring of the last under boss to remain in the company of the vile Pink Mafia yet.

This seems to be a problem in the hideously soft under belly of the Pink Mafia world today. The lack of respect for one’s elders could truly lead to the ruination of the Mafia structure in such endeavors, and in the disguise of that simpering weenie Jeremy Crow, this new prospect like the many before him should have no clue as to the real nature of the Superdaddyman that lurks behind the vacant stare of one Jeremy Crow. Cue my evil music so that we can explain the scenario better “go! ... corrosive tainted by my sin ... i'm spilling blood and i can hardly contain it ... corrosive hallowing the hand ... stiffened i eat away ... eat, eat into the surface ... yeah, you push it ... yeah, you push it ... yeah, you push it ... you, you push it ... you, you push it ... you, you push it” and with that backdrop blaring into the total evil to which the Superdaddyman is truly capable of we may now continue.

This new kid “The Jackal” tries to play both sides of the coin, but his lack of age {19} keeps him from being a major player in the Pink Mafia structure. Thinking back to when we all were 19 years old, you can’t exactly remember any wonderful victories that you actually maintained over anyone older in the “cunning and manipulative” department now can you? Well of course you can’t! At 19 years old the only really good cunning and manipulation any of us could do involved being naked and hoping you didn’t get caught and that was mostly because the people that you were committing it on were either 18 or 19 themselves and of course equally as un-jaded and/or stupid as well. This kid thinks he is stepping up to the big leagues and worse yet against the alter ego of one of the greatest criminal minds {used for good now of course} in the known world, Superdaddyman! The fact that Superdaddyman has no desire to be naked and never hopes to “not get caught” with this little twit doesn’t help his case either.

Originally this poor lad had taken shelter underneath the wing of the wise and powerful Superdaddyman in an attempt to survive his infancy in the structure of the Pink Mafia, and with the encouragement of the Superdaddyman he had become a major player in the eyes of KGB, but at all times with the approval of said Mob leaders only remaining former Under Boss. Without these endorsements he would have been relegated to the menial jobs that the mere henchmen in the war are always lost within. Superdaddyman of course found his abilities to be promising at best and reckless at worst and of course anyone who has fallowed the infamous career of the Superdaddyman knows that that is a combination that he simply can not resist. Upon finally acquiring the real power of becoming a runner for the Pink Mafia {someone who carries the pallets from the production floor to the warehouse} he was finally at the upper echelon of thugdom in the Pink Mafia structure. He also happens to be bringing the contraband from the production floor to the area that Superdaddyman happens to be in charge of it, and for that there is a price, and that price being the intent on competency in his ability to do it. This is where the problems in lie.

With more and more of the “warehousing” faction of the Pink Mafia simply “disappearing” like happens to most cut rate Mafia types, there has been an extended burden placed on the Superdaddyman to maintain a certain sense of “normalcy” in the specific locality that Superdaddyman patrols in the warehouse of PMHQ. It is of the utmost caveat that the “runner” keeps his side of the street clean, hence the abilities of even the greatest Super Hero we all know can be hindered substantially and that is not acceptable. The boy wonder decided that instead of following the well thought out advice of the Superdaddyman {“Hey asshole stop stacking the pallets crooked, or I can’t line up the rows”} that the end game would be to try and besmirch the proud name of the Superdaddyman instead {“Geooooooorgeeeeee … He’s picking on me”} and this can not be tolerated. Busy beyond anything that mere mortals could ever comprehend is not a good enough excuse to keep the Superdaddyman from doing what he does best and that is to commit heinous EEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLL!

Now mind you, the trick to pranking as I have tried to teach all of you fine girls and boys is to make it relevant to the people above the person you are pranking. To simply do something evil without it serving the interests of the person above the person that you are pranking is simply counterproductive. If you manage to instill some sort of “meaning and purpose” to your pranks that somehow assist the KGB in making his point at the same time then you have not only managed to make life hell for the person you are pranking but make life easier for the person who holds power and you want to stay in favor with. Now assessing the situation with the striking keen mind of a leopard stalking his prey the Superdaddyman of course was able to find the one thing that KGB is always harping on “the victim” about {bitching, moaning, whining, but who’s keeping track} out in the smoke shack where any good crime fighter knows is the place to keep your finger on the pulse of any good organization. The fact that he happens to share the same vice that all of the “runners” before him happened to have makes it a bit easier as I have had this plan in the works before and a sudden “accident” with the last runners “employment” negated the need for using it, and we are extremely busy after all and need quick solutions today. This of course is a timing prank so it will need the assistance of others in the general vicinity to pull it off. People think that learning to speak Serbian has gotten me nowhere when in reality it has been better than the Navajo code that the United States used against the Japanese during World War 2.

The beep occurred on the Superdaddyphone signaling to our favorite Super Hero that The Jackal had left his position atop the throne of the runner {aka “fork truck”} and if his usual traits held true he would be gone for roughly 5 minutes to do whatever it is he does instead of working which usually makes him get behind and thus stack the fucking pallets poorly. With his “cat like” pouncing abilities the Superdaddyman was all over it, as he made his way to the fork truck that was positioned near the line 1 box maker, to do what needed to be done. The task was quick and effortless as the Superdaddyman had it all calculated perfectly, and was gone as fast as he had appeared with a thumbs up from one of his Bosnian secret agents giving him the thumbs up on his was out of the location.

The only thing left for the Superdaddyman to do was wait on his fork truck for the signal that “Operation Get The Punk” {OGTP} had been a success. Superdaddyman was barely back in position behind the wall when he heard the booming voice of King George saying “Well that will keep your ass on the fork truck won’t it! Bout' Time!” which was the official sign that the pool of hot glue hadn’t hardened before the Jackal sat back down on his truck. The laughter by King George as he walked by the Superdaddyman on his way to the smoke shack was the icing on the cake. It is always important to remember the most important things in all Pink Mafia and other life’s endeavors. To be the man you have to beat the man, and while you ain’t the man, beware the man ;8o)

Have a question you want answered? Feel free to ask this sicko! Post any question you want Jeremy Crow to answer in the comments section of this blog and he will answer it totally honestly and to the best of his ability A.S.A.P. {One Question & One Answer per Blog, and no answers will be given to things that will harm others!}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. JC~

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