Friday, October 27, 2006

Leaning A Bit Left - Volume 5

I want to apologize to everyone who has looked to me over the last year to push forward the liberal agendas that I had promised to get progressed over that time span, but I was spending a lot of time flooding the internet with pornography and from time to time throwing out conservative spin in an attempt to make Republicans look bad. I don’t know how well it worked but let me assure you all that I haven’t forgotten about what really matters since I became a liberal operative a little over a year and a half ago, and although I am a bit upset that my freedoms of choice are still being denied to me, I shall not sleep until the issues that really matter to me and all of my left leaning brethren are finally incorporated fully! What snapped me out of that funk, I had been in, was when that wonderful beacon of hope Michael J Fox put his good reputation on the line to assist us in our agendas towards freedom, and I am here to help you all realize the full potential of such wonderful medical advancements that he is putting forth the famous face to aid.

About a year and a half ago I had finally broken through that horrible conservative mind set that I had been plagued with and you all were there to help me along in my new struggle to improve upon the many things that are just wrong with this country, and for that I want to thank you. I still need all of your help once again as I hope to bring “Fetus Juggling” into the mainstream where it belongs. This will not be an easy fight as the evil conservatives out there still want to keep my freedom to choose aborted fetuses as my juggling materials from me. I have called many of the clinics in the area demanding to have these things for my chosen art and they have time and time again denied me {because they are obviously in on the Republican conspiracy to treat these things as if they were at any time whatsoever a human being, and as we in the enlightened crowd know they never actually were} even though they are nothing more than refuse which is completely unfair! Thanks to the things I have found out while reading up on how horribly they treated Michael J Fox in Missouri, I learned that universities in Missouri are entitled to get these non humans for stem cell research at will. The brilliance that he executed in making it look like they don’t aside, I am still having my rights to choice denied to me, and I will stand for it no more!

I have also realized along the way that there are so many more things that we could be doing with these aborted non human fetuses that only an enlightened being such as myself could come up with, but the Republicans obviously are keeping me from. I wasn’t on my game when I was thinking of things like creating dog food and cat food with them as I now realize that that is silly because the fat and cholesterol content of an aborted fetus is not that great for pets. I have some alternative ideas to solve that problem later on don’t worry, but don’t worry my friends I have, as I said before devised some better uses for the leftover choices. Things like fertilizer for potted plants comes to mind because the composition of these things would give the best consistency you could possibly have for most house plants. I would imagine that grinding up these little choices and creating mulch or perhaps liquefying them for a more direct fertilization approach for things like tomatoes which thrive on rotting flesh. What better flesh to use than that of something that never actually had life to begin with? It should be completely guilt free as apposed to bacon scraps or something from an actual living creature, but we’ll get back to the matter at hand which is of course “Fetus Juggling.”

Now I am after all an excellent juggler, since I used to make damn good money hanging out in front of the Metropolitan Museum of Art when I was living in New York, but I am after all a little rusty since I moved to New Hampshire. I want to start with second trimester abortions because they should fit in my hands easier, and as I get better I can move up to the third trimester ones, but I am hoping that as soon as they get rid of all of the wrangling about moral issues in the whole cloning debate, and we finally all agree that those that think THAT is wrong are simply intolerant then I should be able to get my hands on much better artistic props for my juggling career. Think about actually getting my hands on the heads of clones and juggling those out on the street. Since, once again it is merely an issue of demonizing the idiots that think it is wrong to clone human beings, I just need to wait them out, but by having Missouri write it directly into their constitution that cloning is constitutional I should be juggling discarded heads within a year. This is a perfect scenario for me, since Missouri is setting up so many of their towns as the new Vegas alternatives, I would simply move down there and pick a street for my art. Think of how great this will be when they start actually cloning famous people like Michael J Fox and after they get whatever it is he needs out of the other Michael J Fox that they create and then since it wasn’t a human being there is no moral issues with him simply selling me the parts that I want to juggle. With a little practice I could have a Michael J Fox head, a Michael J Fox foot, and a Michael J Fox hand all juggling in the air while they throw me a Michael J Fox knee joint or whatever appeals more to the crowd {it will take time to find out what body parts get the best reactions as it is a new art} and then in the grand finale I could balance the cloned Michael J Fox shin bone on my chin. I’m telling you, this is going to be huge.

This could create a wonderful cottage industry too, since there really are no moral ramifications to all of this {unless you are a hate monger of course, and then the trick is to treat you like you are intolerant}, we could get people to clone themselves and sell the parts of their cloned bodies. Wonderfully enlightened people who are totally anti God {as they should be} and very much against those rotten people and their stupid moral issues like Rosie O’Donnell and Bill Maher could help show the world how silly all of this is by cloning themselves and selling me the parts so that I could juggle their heads, and feet etc. Wouldn’t everyone love to see me juggling a Rosie O’Donnell head and a Bill Maher head with my Michael J Fox head, and all of that? This just makes sense, since the common belief is that poor women would be perfectly happy to sell their embryos for research purposes and only an idiot would assume that that is a form of prostituting themselves, right? What better than to have the wonderfully intelligent famous people who preach these wonderful beliefs along with me to simply lend their support to get these important ideas of mine flowing. Imagine how wonderfully less invasive it is to just have people {especially women who are already so wonderfully blessed with “choice”} simply sell the rights to their cloning? I can see that catching on big and making a more healthy and caring form of dog food and cat food. I know it is hard to comprehend how far my compassion goes and the scope of my genius but it is just important to keep thinking up new uses for new technology after all. When I accidentally drop one of the heads I just pull another one out of the bag and toss the old one to a dog or something standing there watching with their master {or is that human friend?}. Waste not want not is what I always say.

Again the wonderful idea of creating alternative energy sources with the left over parts is still there as it was with the fetus recycling program that I had proposed in the past, just on a bigger scale. Think about all of the methane that can be made with the rotting parts left over from these clones. We simply need to convince Exxon/Mobile that there is a huge profit to be made in harnessing the methane and then denaturing the final remains in a speedier fashion to create another form of bio-diesel fuel. If this doesn’t work why shouldn’t we just grind up what is left and use it for a new form of protein shake? I mean seriously if recycled cheese oil is all the rage when it comes to body building supplements then you could only imagine what cloned protein would be able to accomplish. Then it just comes down to using the bones to make scrimshaw or some new form of ivory and we are talking about a 100 percent waste free product. I’m actually rather concerned that it might interfere with my juggling of these things to have all of these other wonderful ideas come to the forefront but the good news to all of you my left leaning brethren is that I am after all trying to advance progress. Just so long as I can live the American Dream of juggling fetuses on the street I am happy that you all can get something out of my work because we will be able to find more ways to get the clone parts and fetuses as soon as we convince the news media that it is the way of the future and the only thing standing in our way are those evil Republicans. As we all have been shown lately on every major news cast is that it takes real courage to overlook any ramifications to what we say as long we are Michael J Fox and we have real life issues that everyone agrees with. His total bipartisan effort to speak out on behalf of us Democrats and in a bipartisan way to have NEVER spoken for a single Republican {because realistically we all know that Republicans want people to die, and hate cures for diseases anyway} is a beacon for us who need the courageous support. Lord knows that Patricia Heaton is a total coward for speaking out against cloning and running counter ads even though it probably ends her career amongst the enlightened people in Hollywood, it’s all a ruse because as the nice man on the news told me between every sentence, she’s Pro Life, and we all know they are bad people who simply want Michael J Fox to die ;8o)

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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