Sunday, September 24, 2006

Update On The 18th Year - Volume 1

Well as I sit here right now there is a real possibility that I don’t have a computer, or should I actually say that I don’t have a good enough computer to do the things that I want to. I am sitting on the edge of my bed right now typing on a keyboard that barely works on the computer that had died a few weeks ago because my laptop that I have been using for the last couple of weeks just up and died on me this morning. Don’t really at this point know what happened to it, but it is running the “’boot up” diagnostics and scan disk right now and it is sitting at about 6 percent as it has for the last hour and a half. It really got me to thinking about everything, and the results were not good.

The first thing that was upsetting was that I had this idea that I was going to make a really killer graphic to go on a stationary that I planned out for most of yesterday as I had to do another round of birthday festivities for my grandmother. Most of these things get complicated by my own time issues, and the responsibilities that I had placed on myself throughout the last half year, and lately I have been nothing but pessimistic about it all. I like to play around in my Paint Shop Pro programs and create things, and yesterday I had kinda made the resolution to start actually drawing more of the art that goes into my creations, and life was good. This was also at the same time that I had started writing more to satisfy those that constantly were nagging me to write more {although as history dictated, and I always know these things and simply lie to myself} just to realize that it is actually the staple comment really. “Love your stuff” and “You really should do more of this” is actually paramount to “Yanno I really like that blouse” and I forget these things like anyone else. It doesn’t bode well in the whole arena of ideas that I had engaged in many months ago either to create atmospheres of creativity which I am starting to see as a double edged sword as well.

I can’t make my graphics as I wanted to and now I am sitting here typing with that total feeling of “Ugh” that I get most of the time I am at work because I start to get anxiety over my job as “comment bitch” which really doesn’t sit well with me anymore either. The reality that I am in a lot of e-mail groups and at one time had desperately wanted to lead by example is just gone now, and if my computer does get fixed I just don’t want to even open Incredimail today. I’ll get about 70 percent of my messages from the same 7 or 8 people, 3 of which will posting the exact same things as each other in the exact same groups because they could care less about anything except grab and post, 2 or 3 will demonstrate their ability to make lots of things in a short amount of time which are total crap {and then I will get to see them at least 3 more times each} and the rest will make a bunch of things and send them in talking about how they don’t have time for ME {basically what they are saying unfortunately even if it is veiled in the term “mail”} even though we were just subjected to what was obviously a good solid 3 or 4 hours of what you DID have time for, followed by dozens of “You’re so skinny and pretty … Smooootch” comments to it. I know, just hit delete {which basically is paramount to what I hate about everyone else in this scenario} is always the answer to this.

Well I just checked and it’s up to 9 percent now, which is a huge jump, so I better hurry up and finish this so that I can dig right back in. I finally called the Police down in Florida where my father lives yesterday. I hadn’t heard from him in over a month despite all the letters and phone calls. I finally had enough of it yesterday and called the Police, because I don’t have any family or people that I know down there. He calls me back about a half hour later kinda pissed off. I mean, I realize that it is no fun to get looked up by the police because someone is worried about you, but perhaps I could have thrown in the pathetic 80’s sitcom approach on the guy and reminded him that most parents actually do keep tabs with their children. The fact that I have two parents that simply moved away and don’t have any contact with me is amazing. I haven’t actually talked to my mother in two years, and despite the fact that I consider it a good thing, it is one of the most cripplingly sick and twisted things I can think of. She’s MY mother I am not her father and for her to impose that I should have kept tabs with her over the last 31 years since she left ME is unthinkable, and at this point of my life laughable. I only bring this up because the state of New York called me and wanted me to know that my mother is in a state mental facility now and as soon as the Medicaid runs out they will need to see my financials. It’s sicker to think that I pretty much expected this for the last 20 years it’s just bad timing right now.

This of course coincides with the letter I got from the High School yesterday telling me that they appreciated my assistance in their suspension of my daughter on Friday. She flipped off a teacher and the school felt that it was important for her to be suspended, and after talking to HER on the phone Friday they left a message for me and to “Call back if I had any questions.” This unfortunately is the school’s policy on everything. Call us or we are going to do it our way regardless of whether you even know what our way is. I will be going into the school to have a chat with them about all of this because unfortunately I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW SHE WAS SUSPENDED and she was home from school “sick” on Friday from how I knew it. This is NOT acceptable behavior on the part of the school at all, and I am not going to deal with this shit at all anymore. You can’t suspend a child without contacting the parents first {you can call and have us get them from the school if need be … I yet again wasted more time reading the School Board rules on Parents Rights} because no kid in their right mind is going to simply come home and admit it! The last letter I got from the school was explaining the “Free Condom Program” and that if I didn’t go into the school during my work hours to fill out a form then it would “signify my approval” so while I am there I think I will give them a very harsh lesson on how you “Sign for Approval” on such manners in a civilized world and not accept what is simply going to happen around you. I am also going to have to have a talk with them about assuming that a single father who has to work and gets no help on these things is going to have to have a little more that assumptions about what he knows and doesn’t know. This of course means that I am going to have to miss work, which adds to the whole issue I am having with money right now. See I have a life too.

Today is Sunday so I will be able to simply drown myself in Ice Coffee and football all day regardless of whether I have a computer or not. I’ll lose most of my graphics but let’s face reality here, that’s no big deal. I have a back up copy of most of my writings on here {save a few chapters here and there} but I’ll be damned if I am going to be drawing mail from my groups on a wireless link through a USB 1.1 hub. I’ll simply go into my mail programs on the web and mass delete. I guess this is actually a long winded warning to the 6 or 7 people that actually read this not to send anything relevant to me, and to the rest … Oh well ;8o)

Have a question you want answered? Feel free to ask this sicko! Post any question you want Jeremy Crow to answer in the comments section of this blog and he will answer it totally honestly and to the best of his ability A.S.A.P. {One Question & One Answer per Blog, and no answers will be given to things that will harm others!}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. JC~

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