Saturday, September 30, 2006

Throwing Chaos To The Wind - Volume 1

I was on my way home from work when it hit me {on the side of the road with blue lights behind me} what the topic of today’s blog should actually be. Initially it was going to be on what a total loser Anna Nicole Smith is, but that is kinda beating a dead horse and originality is always a key aspect of what I do around here. So the issue at hand here is the ability to create chaos, and I happen to have some really good tips and trick to make you a total nuisance to society as a whole. These are proven and tested methods that I have either come upon by accident or have done some painstaking research to ensure quality in the way that you instill mental anguish on those that you wish. Note to all that this is purely statistical research and any use of the data I am about to outline is up to the sole discretion of anyone who feels the need to try any of this. I am only responsible if you click my sponsor links throughout the pages of my blog of course.

Now I have had to deal with the fact that the greatest piece of chaos that I was expecting to create this week was thwarted yesterday as I had every intention to quit my job yesterday. I finally had myself believing that if I were to simply up and quit that it would cause pain on the company for at least a few days maybe even a week, and apparently my boss agreed with me. I was up for a promotion to a rather decent job in the company, and I had heard through the grapevine that I was going to be unable to get the job, based on the old vendettas that the “powers that be” still have against me because of the life changing injury that I sustained on the job. My bad back {caused by negligence partly by myself and partly based on what was expected of me if not on paper} took me out of the position that I was originally hired for, and the company in retaliation mandated that every job in the company had a lifting requirement beyond what was physically possible for me.

Along the way the insurance company treated me like garbage in hopes that I would simply give up, the company did the same, and in the end they were legally forced to employ me {even if they made it sound like they were doing me a favor} and throughout it all I never got legal on them, I simply did my jobs and did them far superior to anyone they could get to do them otherwise. My boss was in a jam as he wanted to give me the promotion, and had well over 2 dozen people march into his office and demand that I get the job unbeknownst to me until yesterday. He was also told by the Human Resources Director {basically the person that is placed in charge of being the hitman for the powers that be in most companies} told him that I could NOT have the job because like every other job in the company it had an 80 pound lifting requirement. He argued that I could lift 80 pounds just not often as it would re-injure me and that the job would almost never require me to lift half of that, but the answer was “If he can lift 80 pounds then he needs to be pulled from the position he is in now and sent back to the line,” and I can almost hear how snotty that must have sounded on third hand information. I of course found out about this because I am the company janitor and for those of you who don’t know this, the company janitor knows EVERYTHING. We are behind every wall listening to your conversations, and we are reading all of your files when we are supposed to be cleaning your offices, so live with it!

The good news on my behalf was that even though they treated me like the company janitor and paid me less than all the temps, I happened to worm my way into being very important. At times it infuriated me that I was doing 3 jobs and not even getting paid fairly for one, but in the same manner I had made myself very important in the regards that it would have cost the company 3 separate people to replace me all of which would have to be paid more than me on top of all of the training, and the extra things that realistically I only knew how to do. I was prepared to walk out and create that open wound immediately after I was told about how I was screwed yet again, and how I would be expected to suffer through God knows how long not making enough money to support my family. It was after all the company policy to A. Punish me for getting hurt, and B. Treat me like a slave for as long as they could.

My boss obviously saw this, to his credit and I had been behaving rather erratically lately. I was still doing all of my jobs to the best of my ability, but I was becoming more vocal to everyone about my mistreatment {believe it or not I have actually maintained a rather John Wayne style mentality of not wearing these things on my sleeve, which included when I was actually in pain, or how disgruntled I truly was} aside from the terrorist style pranks that I had a habit of playing on those above me, which was the other thing that was eerily missing as of late. He was unfortunately faced with the reality that it was going to be him and the other people in the department that suffered if I did quit, as well as all of the questions that he would have been faced with from over 2 dozen people that were starting to get a bit out-spoken about the whole thing themselves. In the end he did do the right thing and went to the Vice President of manufacturing, who “technically” could be trumped by “the powers that be” but still has power. He, of course was not very happy about all of this going on, as it was making him look really bad, and the rebellion, as well as the week long bottleneck that my leaving would cause, would have effected the company as a whole. He couldn’t give me the job, but he could give me a 28% pay increase and make it retro active for the last 3 months. He called it a “Job Rate Re-Evaluation” and simply made my Job Rate the same as everyone around me. The jobs will be the same but I am making more than some and less than NOT everyone.

Needless to say that the tribulations of a very trying month in my life had finally come to a head and I spent the day today at work doing absolutely nothing but playing on the computer and waiting for trucks to show up so I could load them. With my new overtime salary of around 23 dollars an hour today, I should have a rather good paycheck this week. Throw in the several thousand in back money I should get, and I guess I will be buying a new computer pretty soon here. After I finally got out of work today I decided to go out to the beach and treat myself to some fried dough and a relaxing ride home listening to the song playing right now in the background cranked to the max, well until the blue lights pulled me over for playing the stereo too loud. I haven’t had any good chaos in a while you see and this poor officer unfortunately was in for some of my prime material {since I did promise some good old fashioned chaos} and please don’t take anything that happens next to heart. You kinda have to live around here to know how poorly the Hampton Police Department deserves to be treated, as they are all a bunch of bullies.

When he walked up to the car the only thing coming over the radio was Fox News, so he had to ask in a very foreboding voice “Where’s the crap you were listening to when you flew by me?” which of course had me questioning what crap he was talking about because I was so obviously listening to the news on my little satellite radio system {for those of you that don’t have one, they are great little devices, but they play very very softly even if they are cranked} which he didn’t seem to believe. Does he think that I would try to deceive him?

“I know that New Hampshire is becoming a dictatorship like the rest of the states around it, but I hardly believe that Bill O’Reilly constitutes crap. I don't even think that you can be arrested for listening to it either,” I said to him with a bit of a sarcastic tone of my own, and even popped the hatchback when he inquired as to whether I had a CD changer in the back. Hampton Police act like little kids in a candy store when you open your trunks for them because they just see their quota’s going through the roof as they know they can find all kinds of things to write you up on. My hatchback on the other hand was completely clean and empty. I got out of the car after I received his permission to show him that there wasn’t even anything under the spare tire. I showed him the inside of the glove compartment too. I didn’t have a single CD in the car and the FM Radio didn’t work as I unhooked the antenna so that the Sirius would work better {there are no free FM channels here, even if not one of them is worth listening too} and Officer Friendly was starting to get rather noticeably upset because whether he wanted to admit it or not there was no way that my car could produce the noise he heard. I went back to my car to listen to the news while he pleaded with his commander to find something to arrest me on for the next 20 minutes, finished my fried dough, and waited for him to come back.

“I’m issuing you a warning this time,” he said to me, as I of course had to question what for, which was turning him a few shades of purple by this point. He did manage to hold onto his composure {which for one of these Rent A Cops is extremely rare} before he said something really stupid. Another notable thing if you ever do venture out to Hampton New Hampshire is that any time you go to court and argue any form of citation, you usually will get away with just about anything because the police are so corrupt the judges in Rockingham county never take their word for it. Back when I was younger I watched a judge tell a Hampton Police Officer that they probably deserved to be punched by a suspect even. He stomped off to his car and got in it and tore away almost hitting a pedestrian. How Rude!

I then reached under my seat and pushed the button for the amplifier, and then switched to the FM station that my MP3 player {with a wireless Ethernet attached to it so that you can download songs from your computer onto it, really cool stuff, I’ll tell you all how to make one some day … muahahahahahaha} is attached to and went back to cranking Disturbed for the winding beach road home. The fresh air {albeit a bit cold} makes me happy to be alive. The fact that my ex wife {the lesbian, not the whore} has the kids for the rest of the night and well into tomorrow adds to the whole feeling of freedom, and off I go to write this blog that I was thinking up as I was sitting there with the blue lights behind me. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} Mental Rants & Political Rage {For Those That Like His Political Rantings} Mental Imagry & Random Perversion {Adult Stories .. Assume they are rated X} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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