Friday, September 15, 2006

Things You Learn When You Pay Attention - Volume 2

Now I guess that I should start with a little background as to what my responsibilities at work are, but I am a Industrial Custodial Engineer as one of my hero’s Fred Flintstone might have put it when the term “Janitor” just didn’t feel right. My Fridays used to be pretty simple back when I was just a Janitor, and I would go into work, clean the offices, go down to the plant, clean the bathrooms, and then spend the rest of the day chatting with people on AIM through my cell phone. Life really wasn’t too bad back then despite the excruciating pain that I had in my back a lot of the time. At least the hours and lack of workload were nice.

Everything changed after the Quack that was working on me {because the Insurance Company dictated the rules of course} had proclaimed me “100% recovery level” which doesn’t mean that I was 100%, it means that I wasn’t going to get any better. This was a good thing and a bad thing for me because I was sick the entire time I was going through therapy and it was slowly becoming torture to me and I was elated to not have to go back there again. I wasn’t particularly fond of the ruling that I was “Permanent Medium Duty” Level either unfortunately because that meant that the janitorial job that I had been forced into because they determined that ALL positions in the company required that you be able to lift 80lbs either, as my now “State Mandated” abilities were tapped at 65. The company had mixed reactions to this as well, where on the one hand by capping my salary at company minimum I was making a lot less then the janitor they let go to shove me in the position and was doing a 10 times better job, on the other hand they were as stuck with me as I was them.

Mind you, now that I am going on a year and a half without a raise or a revue, they started to play the games with me over what I was doing that warranted a revue, and started playing the traditional sweat shop game of “well if you can show us” and that of course was what prompted the work place sabotage that I so relish in. The fact that I am by far the smartest person in that plant doesn’t help them either, and the double edged sword continues. Most of the people above me are better suited to sell snake oil than to run a fortune 500 company, but it does amuse me to make life hell on them, just like it boosts their profitability to make life hell on me. This is where their “other responsibilities” came into play. By taking my position and placing it in the shipping department, they were able to kill two birds with one stone, and be able to get me away from the welding torches {which had been a favorite downtime toy of mine if you hadn’t been reading before} and also put me into a department that is hapless and always needs someone to do all the work for those that won’t. Needless to say that making 4 to 5 dollars less than all of my co-workers to do all of their work anyway hasn’t toned down my disgruntled nature one bit.

The last few weeks everyone has either been calling in sick or out on vacation or both, so not only have I had to do all of my janitorial duties, but I have also had to do all of the driving of the fork trucks so that the shipments can get out on time, and to be quite frank with you all I have been menstruating over it. The jobs themselves are always amplified by poorly maintained or total lack of equipment and the only thing I finally got out of it all was my own fork truck {which was immediately commandeered by someone else so that I can drive the one that is messed up as seen in the picture above that I had just pointed the mirror so that the driver is looking at himself and wrote “loser” on it with an arrow pointing up} and more promises of a revue and a raise someday. Today was not what at one time I would have called a normal Friday. 8 Trucks which needed to be loaded, all with unevenly balanced stuff and another minor complication.

Now keep in mind that what I am about to tell you may get me thrown out of the Republican Party once and for all. I do my best to carry the mantra of the party by stealing from people poorer than me, abusing animals, killing trees, polluting, handing out guns to children, and beating up pregnant mothers as they try to choice their children, but I was feeling rather weak today as I was driving out of the factory ramp and into the parking lot. This medium sized frog was standing in the middle of the driveway waiting to be run over and I stopped to shoo him out of the way. The little bastard wouldn’t move to save his life {which coincidentally was what it would do if he would move} no matter how much I honked the horn. I finally got off the truck to start stomping by it so it would hop out of the way and just barely coaxed the frog into the grass before he was creamed by another fork truck driver that could have cared less. The grog stood in the grass for a minute and then made a b-line strait for MY truck. DAMNIT!!

I jumped to try to get between the frog and my truck as quickly as I could but I was too late. The little creep was under my truck. I started stomping up and down waving my arms like crazy so that it would jump out from under there. The small crowd that started forming to watch me do my airplane impersonation complete with kamikaze noises were starting to chuckle and inquire, so I told them that a frog was under the truck. The general consensus was that jumping up and down like a moron would NOT get the frog out from under there and might actually make it very happy to be under there. I then decided that throwing a handful of sand under the truck was my best choice, then another, then another until one of the guys that I work with was starting to get agitated that I was falling behind {like he would lift a finger to do his own damn job} jumped on the truck before I could stop him because I was looking for a stick. He managed to totally miss the frog and drove about 4 feet away from him. Of course before I could get there again the frog had hopped his way under the truck once more. Now I was starting to think that running the little bastard over was the best choice, but I decided to try to slide him out from under there with a stick. The little son of a bitch simply hopped over the stupid thing every time I tried to push him.

My boss finally came outside to see what the hold up was. I was on my hands and knees beside the truck trying to grab the stupid thing, but it kept hopping from one end of the truck to the other until finally it jumped up into the chassis of the thing. My bass was not amused with my behavior or the reasoning behind why a truck was waiting to be loaded. “Why don’t you just get the truck going and clean the frog up after it falls into the fan blade, it won’t hurt anything .. Geeze?”

“I’m not going to kill a frog because it is expedient to get the truck going, so piss off!” I retorted back at him. Please keep in mind that this is not exactly a very harsh show of force for me as I have told many a supervisor to “fuck themselves” in the past year at the very least, so please hold your applause until the end. When my boss placed his fat ass on the truck I held up the key that I had pulled out when the other dipshit thought he would spare me the trouble of killing it. “It’s going to be a long afternoon for you if you don’t get off my fucking truck” I said to him, and he went inside to most likely cry like a baby to the VP.

I did finally get that stupid frog out of the truck, but it was because he had gotten himself caught in the firewall of the stupid thing after I lifted out the seat. I’d love to say that I gently placed him in the grass, but I was about 5 feet long on placing, and I did get the truck going and had the driver on his way 2 and a half hours early because like all of the drivers today he showed up way before his scheduled stop. My boss didn’t acknowledge me the rest of the day so I imagine that the VP didn’t tell him what he wanted to hear, and realistically they both know that I don’t care what they think. I’m sure that frog got swallowed up by a seagull by now, and I don’t really care about that either I am just happy to report that I had the choice of whether to kill it or not, and today a living thing didn’t die because of me … so far anyway ;8o)

Have a question you want answered? Feel free to ask this sicko! Post any question you want Jeremy Crow to answer in the comments section of this blog and he will answer it totally honestly and to the best of his ability A.S.A.P. {One Question & One Answer per Blog, and no answers will be given to things that will harm others!}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. JC~

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