Sunday, September 17, 2006

Things You Learn From The Girl at Dunkin Donuts - Volume 2

I realize that a lot of people have an issue with giving tips at a drive thru window, but I don’t happen to be one of them. The problem in this is that when you are receiving a tip it is for services, and that is the problem that most of the people with the tip cup don’t seem to comprehend. If you are not giving some sort of a premium service then you really are nothing more than a pan handler, so I am taking it upon myself to explain a few things because that is what us know it all’s do you see.

I happen to spend a rather large amount of time in a Dunkin Donuts Drive Thru window throughout the week so I have kinda formed most of the mannerisms that I expect from there. I also have a rather decent range of experience in my own past of which to draw from as well. I paid my way through college waiting on tables and bartending in a rather mid scale restaurant year round, but it did pick up substantially during tourist season. I was very good at it too, as I realized that quality service did actually mean more money for me as long as the tourist weren’t Canadian, I could actually work a higher tip at will. There were also incentive programs that the ownership would hand out for doing certain tasks like, raising per customer check averages, selling certain things etc, and I was usually able to win a large majority of daily prizes and almost always dominated the weekly ones. I factor these things into what I have to say, but unfortunately most of it is really simple.

The most important thing that is starting to never happen at these “drive thru” windows is that they never seem to hand me my damn coffee anymore before they start counting my money. This has got to be the stupidest procedure that they do. If I hand you 3 dollars for a 2.50 coffee, the chances are like 9 to 1 that I just want to drive off with my coffee, and leave the change behind. If you have taken the money from my hand and my coffee is sitting there about 8 inches from my reach while you count out the change, then the odds go down to about 3 to 7 and if you hand me my change before you put that coffee in my hands then the chances are about 1 to 9 {and that one is purely based on how amazingly gorgeous and horny looking you are but that is still very low because we are talking Jessica Alba with a boob hanging out} and you can completely pull it to zero by recounting the change twice and then handing me the coffee, followed by forcing me to ask for a straw. If you simply take the money and hand me the coffee I am almost always gone before you get the cash register open. Tips are actually to be dispensed AFTER the services rendered, so if I haven’t gotten my service then the tip is moot.

You should have seen the confused look on the guys face the day I walked into the store after realizing, as I was about to pull out of the place that he had forgotten one of the kids donuts. I walked back into the place, asked for the donut and then told him I wanted my tip back. Well realistically the service at that point was not fulfilled and I had to actually get out of my car and go inside which was basically the extent of the service that I had wanted so why shouldn’t I? I received the usual looks from the people around me who didn’t understand the concept of tipping, along with the smiles of those that did, but I was dead serious and did leave with the 53 cents.

I don’t actually subscribe to the belief that you don’t tip the owner or the manager either while we are on the subject. Services are services, and I think that that nasty rumor was invented by a Canadian anyway. The woman who drives the lunch truck at work has a tip jar now and I usually throw a 5 dollar bill in there at the end of the week, and just because she owns the truck doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate the fact that she is prompt everyday, and gives me credit for most of my food until pay day. She happens to be one of the rare lunch truck drivers that actually makes all of the entree’s that she stocks in the back of the truck, and it is {as sad as it is to admit} my only real dining out that I can do really, and in the world of a single father it is a small victory. She makes things like Chicken Fried Steak and real Salisbury Steak {that is cube steak and not hamburger} as well as home made Fried Chicken that cuts down on her costs and she passes that on to me as well as presenting food that is better than what other people are getting on their lunch trucks. I find that to be a valuable service, because I do think about these things. I happen to treat my hair stylist the same way whether it is the owner or not.

Now there are places where tipping is not allowed and I find creative ways around it actually depending on how the person actually is when they present me whatever the service is that they are giving me. There is a McDonalds down the road that has a really excellent crew that treats everyone really good, and most of you will have to admit that that is pretty rare today. This is also complicated a lot by whether the person that is working the drive thru window speaks English well or not, but that problem is only starting to creep into society around here, which also coincidentally explains why our politicians think illegal immigration is just great. Now it is an offense that can get a McDonalds employee fired around here to actually receive a tip, but I have found that the ones that are really good at what they do appreciate small tokens of gratitude like pictures that your kids are drawing in the back of the minivan. The drive thru cubicle of that McDonalds is wallpapered with various goodies that kids have drawn for the workers including quite a few from my youngest daughter, and there is no reason that it shouldn’t be.

I really have yet to find a place where I get offended by seeing a tip cup, the only time that I get offended is when someone has a tip cup in front of them and does absolutely nothing to deserve it. The “Fish or Cut Bait” principal comes into play here, and I think that if you are not going to do your job a little better than the hourly salary {which is possible, because we have all known the responsibilities of our job and then find it to either entitle more, or have refused to do anything more} then a tip cup is down right insulting. You should simply find the courage to move it out of sight and be noble in the acceptance that you at least aren’t stealing from those that are uninformed to what tipping is for, or perhaps start behaving like the people that for some reason always happen to have a sparkling personality at whatever they do. If you don’t seem to ever find anyone to be above and beyond the calls of their actual job then I feel sorry for you. I actually feel sorry for you partly because it is too bad that you can’t get it, but mostly because you probably couldn’t see it anyway. ;8o)

Have a question you want answered? Feel free to ask this sicko! Post any question you want Jeremy Crow to answer in the comments section of this blog and he will answer it totally honestly and to the best of his ability A.S.A.P. {One Question & One Answer per Blog, and no answers will be given to things that will harm others!}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. JC~

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes ... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} Mental Notes - TagWorld Edition {Whenever} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

All writings Copyright © 2006 Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest