Thursday, September 21, 2006

Superdaddyman Takes on the Evil Greektradgedius - Volume 5

Here we are again boys and girls, in the dark and lonely city of Megalopolis, and the Superdaddyman has taken it upon himself {as all brave Super Heroes do} to infiltrate the inner circle of that radical terrorist organization “Mophaka Al Queholic” {MAQ}. In an effort to keep a closer eye on what evil things their diabolical leader “Greektradgedius Inyiddish” is planning to make the Superdaddyman’s life as complicated as it possibly can be, she in turn let down her guard and brought in the Caped Pervader to be her special guest chef at the evil organizations seventy seventh anniversary {disguised as something she called a birthday but we are on to her} and of course as always, kiss her ass. This is no small feat boys and girls and only a true Super Hero like the Superdaddyman can handle such unspeakable lunacy heaped upon him at one time. It’s part of the job. After the special menu was handed over to Superdaddyman’s alter ego {the simpering and almost useless Jeremy Crow} he was able to take that data to a place that the common folks call “The Grocery Store” {TGS} and acquire the materials necessary to accomplish the mission at hand.

TGS was an amazingly crowded place for a Wednesday afternoon, and it could have only been because the fair maidens of Megalopolis had heard that there would be a special guest appearance by the Superdaddyman, which of course, made them have to show up in droves to catch a glimpse of their favorite hero. What they didn’t know was that it would be an extra special occasion because the Superdaddyman would have the fiendish mastermind of TOKE {the Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils’s} Captain ADHD in custody at the time of arrival. The beautiful young maidens {and of course their rather short business skirts} flocked to the Superdaddyman in awe, only to fall prey to another devious attempt by Captain ADHD to be “cute as all hell” and in turn ending up paying all of their attentions to him, when in reality we all know that they had every intention of throwing themselves at the Caped Pervader, but were under a sort of trance. With work to be done here, it was not in the best interest of the Superdaddyman to try to rescue these poor ladies from the grip of Captain ADHD’s evil spell, as all of them immediately throwing themselves at our favorite Super Hero would have been counterproductive. It takes a great man to allow his own needs to be forsaken in the name of a mission, so the Superdaddyman allowed Captain ADHD this small victory as he was doing his “cute as all hell” show throughout TGS.

Upon procuring the materials necessary for the mission {eggs, bisquick, sausage links, apples, cinnamon, milk, toothbrush, chocolate cake, latest copy of Maxim} our Super Villain turned Super Hero once again strapped the evil Captain ADHD back in the Superdaddyvan {to keep him in custody this time} and away to the Casa Di Evils’s {aka MAQ Headquarters} to complete the mission. Keep in mind that this mission, should it fail will result in Greektradgedius Inyiddish unleashing her most diabolical weapon on the community at large {guilt} and making the world every bit the third world hell hole that those “other” terrorists call home. Nobody could ever handle that, so Superdaddyman has to be extra careful that he doesn’t fail during the ceremonial “walking on eggshells” dance that always signifies the lead up to any MAQ gathering. The mission will not be helped any by the guest list of some of the willing accomplices to this organizations evil.

Returning to the Casa Di Evils’s there was still time to get a few things done in the Superdaddycave before the Yiddish Triad Occupation would occur, so the Superdaddyman snuck down to turn on the Superdaddyman Reality Displacement Machine {His Computer} and try to search through some of the awe inspiring research data that a Super Hero of Superdaddyman’s caliber needs to stay on top of his game {Group E-Mail}. This endeavor of course was pointless as it was “attack of the shit stats” day from the usual characters that think more is more, and heaven forbid, why make one good stat when you can make thirty that suck instead. Perhaps some more chronicling of the amazing feats of Heroism in the ol’ Journal instead will suffice, if that wasn’t simply made irrelevant by the usual need to bash the United Nations {who didn’t invite the Superdaddyman to be a part of their “whine till people simply give us what we want to shut us up” campaign like many lesser known famous people … their loss} until the alarm went off upstairs {the doorbell} alerting Superdaddyman that the place had gotten eviler!

The trip up from the Superdaddycave was trepid indeed as the thought of what evil had been beckoned to the location of this MAQ meeting, but the sight of Greektradgedius Intraining had been expected after all. She immediately started on the attack of the Superdaddyman with the “Youshoulddoitmyway” weapon that she usually slings around with her. Keeping in mind that this is a woman who brought a dead cat into the Casa Di Evils’s less than a year ago, we always have to be on the lookout for anything unsavory {not to mention pungent} when she is around, but on this occasion it appears to just be misconstrued cooking advice, that was not asked for. Escaping to the food preparation area at this time is the only real salvation, or line of defense that the Superdaddyman has when there are 4 women from his immediate family in the same room even if two of them are under the age of eighteen, you can’t expect to outmatch their irrational abilities. Captain ADHD of course appears to have caught onto this at an early age as he has decided to assist the Superdaddyman in his endeavor. The enemy of my enemy is my friend after all.

Despite twenty grueling minutes over a hot waffle iron, and griddle, 400 pieces of advice ranging from “how to cook sausage” to “how to motivate a lazy thirteen year old” and many toes stepped on, as everyone needs to be under feet at all times, the food was able to be set out on the table, at the correct time. The Nodder {aka the husband of Greektradgedius Intraining who pretty much just sits there and nods no matter what anyone says … come to think of it, it does seem to be a rather interesting defense} is the last one to sit down before the Superdaddyman is able to set out the feast of Dutch Waffles and sausage that was the requested menu of the ring leader of this vicious gang, and as always is the case the little one over on the end {Imtoocutus} immediately uses her power of “captive audience” to start babbling like a crack addict trying to get out of a citation. About 45 seconds later she had reached 3 on the Superdaddycounter {the only weapon that Superdaddyman has to get a peaceful dinner mind you} and was eradicated to solitary confinement. I often wish the Superdaddycounter worked on Greektradgedius Inyiddish when she decides to use her favorite mealtime weapon of “load it and explain it” {talking with large quantities of food in her mouth … It’s Superdaddykryptonite!} all throughout the festivities.

2 minutes later Captain ADHD has been sent to solitary, and another beautiful display of “authority questioning” begins from Greektradgedius Intraining. Superdaddyman as always respects the feelings of those that might not be completely grounded in reality rather than remind her that one of her children threatens to starve herself to death if she doesn’t get her way, and the other ran away to South America to be a Monk after graduating from the most expensive college in the state of Maine {she’s still paying that off on a teachers salary} so it is best to take notes from The Nodder. The feast is consumed within another 15 minutes and the TOKE operatives are reinstalled into the scenario for the cake festivities. They appear to be hungry now for some reason, and within another hour the Superdaddyman is released from his indentured servitude to continue with his evening. This of course is accomplished after a short spin downtown to get a coffee and have a smoke. He earned it tonight. ;8o)

Have a question you want answered? Feel free to ask this sicko! Post any question you want Jeremy Crow to answer in the comments section of this blog and he will answer it totally honestly and to the best of his ability A.S.A.P. {One Question & One Answer per Blog, and no answers will be given to things that will harm others!}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. JC~

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