Thursday, August 31, 2006

From The Desk Of The Jeremy Crow R&D Department - Volume 3

The Surgeon General today in a bold move has announced that overwhelming research provided to SG's office from everyone's favorite company Crow Pharmaceuticals proves once and for all that much of the SG's special tests that they have tabulated over the last few decades could indeed be tainted. A brilliant young Scientist {handsome and rather well endowed too} by the name of Jeremy Crow {the company founder as a matter of fact} has taken pain staking steps to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that all lab rats indeed are genetically born with cancer. This diabolical information that had been kept secret by the SG in a major coup to scare the American Public into believing that everything from cigarettes to nonfat dairy free tofu was going to kill you by giving you cancer, has finally come to light, and as always it was your friends at Crow Pharmaceuticals taking care of the little guy.

This is the statement that the SG had prepared for this release to the general public "Oops .. Busted," but with a little more prying and the help of a very well known celebrity "Superdaddyman" {he disguises himself very well as a janitor you see} rigging up his office we were able to get these transcripts ... "We've tried everything! We even went as far as to release the proclamation that 'The Surgeon General has determined that doing research to prove that lab rats have cancer will give you cancer' and nothing seems to work. We'll have to admit defeat and try to think up a new strategy. How is that study on sunlight spontaneously giving you four asses going?"

The news was none too soon as Crow Pharmaceuticals was set to release it's new product for FDA approval RatDeCan®, the only clinically proven Rat Cancer cure on the market today! With RatDeCan®, you can make your rats 100% cancer free so that you then can pump them with four to eight times thier body weight of whatever your favorite potential carcinogenic may happen to be with 100% confidence knowing that the Rat was completely eradicated of the nasty cancer that you want to give it the natural way, through stomach injection! Only doctor recommended RatDeCan® comes with a 100% money back guarantee! If you are not completely satisfied that RatDeCan® has totally eradicated the nasty cancer in your lab rat we will send you two new lab rats absolutely free. Don't trust the health of your lab rats to just any Rat Cancer curing product. Trust the health of your potentially cancer injected {as God would want it} rats to the people who brought you the world famous Poozees® brand Vagina flavored lozenge {The Thang with the Tang} and the wonderfully ept studies on the prevention of bird flu by simply saying "no" to snorting or eating bird feces.

Listen to some of these amazing testimonials from some of our RatDeCan® users world wide ...

  • I never knew that you could actually cure your lab rats before you killed them. Thanks to RatDeCan® I can now make sure that my treasured little patients get all of the help that they need and have them healthy and happy! Then I can burry them up to thier shoulders and run thier heads over with a lawn mower knowing full well that this scientific data isn't tainted by some genetic travesty of nature ... Thank you Crow Pharmaceuticals! ... Signed ... The Late Jeffrey Dahmer

  • I never knew it was so easy to kill things that aren't dying to begin with. It really does make my life work seem rather pointless. I can now cure the non suffering the safe legal and effective way by curing them first and then killing them by injecting 10 times thier body weight dire ... huh? ... Oh it's for rats? ... Never mind ... I'm sure it's great. ... Signed ... Dr Jack Kevorkian

  • I spit on your medicine! You can't make me take it!! Die Infidel! Oh it cures things that you can then kill? ... Oh I am in ... have it shipped to my palace immediately! Ok fine have it shipped here, until I get out. ... Signed ... Saddam Hussein

  • What do you mean I have to take this here pill? ... Signed ... The REALLY Stupid Dixie Chick who does the singin'

Don't miss out on the latest craze in Rat Cancer curing technology. Order RatDeCan® today ;8o)

Have a question you want answered? Feel free to ask this sicko! Post any question you want Jeremy Crow to answer in the comments section of this blog and he will answer it totally honestly and to the best of his ability A.S.A.P. {One Question & One Answer per Blog, and no answers will be given to things that will harm others!}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. JC~

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes ... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} Mental Notes - TagWorld Edition {Whenever} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

All writings Copyright © 2006 Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest