Sunday, March 5, 2006

To Kill A Crow - The Arc Of A Madman - Part 3

I had found the beginnings of my time at MySpace to be rather fruitful as I was consistently in the top tens and immediately after I had been banished by Yahoo, I had found myself topping al of the Christmas Time rankings on MySpace as well. I was in all reality obsessively watching the rankings as I tried to hold on to whatever undeserved glory I had had on Yahoo for the 6 months prior to my Exodus. Micro managing my status on MySpace was daunting though, as I had to spend at least 2 hours reading and commenting on other people’s blogs to keep my own comments and readership coming in. Subconsciously, and quite consciously at times, it was becoming an addiction of sorts that was not being fulfilled fast enough. The first blow to my fragile ego came when MySpace was forced to take me out of the ranking system on January fifth when I posted the worst collaboration I had done to date with “Beyond My Tales of Tease – Volume 2’ and although to this day it got the most hits that any of my MySpace blogs ever did and was followed by a few good weeks of a thousand plus hits each day, I was not rated, and it actually did bum me out.

I did actually get over this and start writing again fore the sake of it, and was still registering my usual amounts of banter throughout my blogs, until one day I got a note from someone telling me that I was number 4, and that obviously I had served my sentence and MySpace had allowed me back into the treasured “popularity kingdom” and it started all over again. I started paying attention to my own behavior at this time and started getting rather pissy about certain things that I shouldn’t have even noticed were I a normal person I suppose. I started getting fed up with the “runway model” style comments, while at the same time being a slave to them. I was still spending far too much time reading and commenting myself, and worse yet I started picking apart the trends. Who only comments when you comment? Who starts sending notes when you don’t leave a comment? Who specifically doesn’t comment or read your blog until the rankings are out? Who … etc etc etc … and I was really starting to hate myself for all of that, and above all else I was feeling like a big phony.

When the idiotic idea of writing my web novel came about it was a way for me to get my writing done and get a blog done at the same time, but it really started showing me the selfishness of everyone, including myself. I was getting plenty of notes telling me that my needs {to keep it all from being stolen, and selfishly to get people to read it the day of as apposed to reading it all in weekly clumps} were interfering with other peoples needs {to steal it or read it in weekly clumps} and I started misinterpreting {or seeing clearly, depending on the person} a lot of the messages that I was getting. I was becoming infuriated by the Yahoo style bullshit that was going on again, with all of the “side comments” and was also watching my rankings slip as it was pretty much foretold all along the way. I shouldn’t have paid attention to any of it, but I did. I saw the only solution to it all was to remove myself from the runways and get on with my life once and for all. That was when I went to being “full time” BlogSpot.

For the first few days it was very interesting actually, as the same people who followed me from blog location to blog location immediately followed me to BlogSpot and started reporting me there for being indecent. I just thank God that one of the Google employees that was sent to eliminate me took a liking to what I wrote, and saw right through the havoc that the jealous a-holes were trying to create for me everywhere I went. The final move to my own server finally stopped any of that shit, and after a bit I started to finally not get to overly excited about losing all of my popularity for it wasn’t anything real anyway. I had a few good weeks of inundation here until I started getting rather political, but the fact is that I ran out of wit and charm, and stopped having the ability to feed the audience {especially when there was hardly any audience left} but I do at times have my moments when I come out with something rather off the wall, and hope that it drives some people in. In any case I have thought an awful lot about simply hanging up my blogging because most of the time now a days it seems like such a waste of my time, except for two things.

The first of which being a promise I made to myself back in August or September that I was not simply going to “give this up” when the whim was over. I have sat here on many of those days when I am staring at the screen and saying “I can’t think of anything to write, and what’s the point anyway,” and remembered that I am going to plow through until at the very least July in the interest of finishing a goal for a change. These are the times when I simply get political, as it is what comes to me the easiest, and I have given up on talking to the masses unfortunately.

The second thing is sitting up there on top of this very blog {the birthday card from Cathy & Don}, and that is the wonderful people who truly do love me, and it all started on a Yahoo server. Some of you really do just up and surprise me at times, and that is saying a LOT as I am a know it all. Now you all know ;8o)

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Have a question you want answered? Feel free to ask this sicko! Post any question you want Jeremy Crow to answer in the comments section of this blog and he will answer it totally honestly and to the best of his ability A.S.A.P. {One Question & One Answer per Blog, and no answers will be given to things that will harm others!}

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes ...
Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog}
Mental Notes - MySpace Edition {Weekends}
Mental Notes - Yahell 369 Edition {Weekends}
The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. JC~

All writings Copyright © 2006 & Beyond
Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest