Saturday, March 4, 2006

Mental Notes - Yahell 369 Edition - Advertising 201

In the interest of keeping our brand name in the public lexicon, we here at Crow Pharmaceuticals® found it very necessary to develop a new product while our research & development team works furiously on the follow up to Poozees® Brand Vagina Flavored Candy {code named Cawks®} and we have found it! As very special friends of our President and CEO {J~ Crow} we have set up this special presentation for all of you to be in the know before our big world release {slated for the thirty sixth anniversary of one of the world greatest tragedies} so sit back and be amazed at research and technology at work …

Are you sick and tired of all of those fad diets that never seem to work?
Are you afraid of all of the nasty additives that the big mega corporations add to your everyday eating lifestyle {probably to change your DNA and make you beholden to them and Microsoft for your very happiness?}
Do you stress over your complete nutritional needs, and desperately seek
ALL NATURAL meal replacements that will give you energy, mental alertness, and is good for the environment?
Well look no further boys and girls for we here at
Crow Pharmaceuticals® have just the answers you have been looking for!

We spent tireless hours and lots of money {it came to me in a dream and I bought an Ice Coffee when I woke up} to develop a product that is ALL NATURAL, has absolutely NO PRESERVATIVES, is GOOD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT, and is totally guaranteed to CURB YOUR APPETITE and create RAPID WEIGHT LOSS! Also thanks to our patented {note the little ®’s ©’s that prove it!} ALL NATURAL process we can also bring this miracle food replacement product to you for almost NO COST TO YOU!

I imagine that you are thinking to yourselves at this very moment “That sounds too good to be true, but I would definitely have wild, hot and steamy sex with you, for this secret” … well fine we will give it to you anyway, because here at Crow Pharmaceuticals® we are a giving company that believes in helping out the needy {especially if he fancies calling himself Superdaddyman and chasing around people he calls the Evils’s} and only want you to have ALL NATURAL, HEALTHY, ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY, food replacement products for your well being …

Today we bring you Dawg Shytz® the ALL NATURAL, appetite suppressant that is guaranteed unconditionally to make you EAT LESS and LOSE WEIGHT, or we will give you QUADRUPLE YOUR MONEY BACK!

But wait, there’s more! Only Dawg Shytz® Brand Dietary Aides can guarantee that they are 100% ALL NATURAL, and they are made from 100% RECYCLED products while still making you EAT LESS and LOSE WEIGHT quicker than you thought possible! Simply replace all of those horribly processed and chronically preserved foods that you are eating right now with Dawg Shytz® and don’t worry about the rest! You can eat as much ALL NATURAL Dawg Shytz® as you want and don’t worry about it. Your appetite will simply go away totally on its own, the ALL NATURAL way, while at the same time know that you are doing what is right for the planet, and doing your part to recycle like God would want you too!

Listen to some of these testimonials from our blind taste testers …

Oh %$@# me, I may never eat again!“ Billy Joe Jim Bob “aka Bubba” Smith … Appalachia, West Virginia
Hey this stuff ain’t too bad if you mix it with Ice cream” Sally Struthers … Hollywood, California
You #@&*ing Americans are trying to kill me! I shall call upon Allah to make all of you disappear in a fiery BALL!” Saddam Hussein … Bagdad, Iraq
I’ve put worse in my mouth, and will you tell Ron to stop licking my #%$@ing CENSORED when we are not on the clock, DAMNIT!” Jenna Jameson … Los Angeles, California

So run out and get Dawg Shytz® the ALL NATURAL, appetite suppressant at fine stores like Caldor, Zayre, Jordan Marsh, Marshal Fields, Montgomery Wards, or other once fine retailers that have lost it all listening to the ideas of this #@&*ing weirdo! ;8o)

Have a question you want answered? Feel free to ask this sicko! Post any question you want Jeremy Crow to answer in the comments section of this blog and he will answer it totally honestly and to the best of his ability A.S.A.P. {One Question & One Answer per Blog, and no answers will be given to things that will harm others!}

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes ...
Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog}
Mental Notes - TagWorld Edition {Whenever}
Mental Notes - MySpace Edition {Weekends}
Mental Notes - Yahell 369 Edition {Weekends}
The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. JC~

All writings Copyright © 2006 & Beyond
Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest