Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Bitch Bitch Bitch - Volume 2

I really don’t know what I am going to write about today, as I sit here and start tapping away at the keys. I mean I actually wrote two blogs today {Let’s Talk About Tunes Baby & Superdaddyman Takes on The Pink Mafia} and I just don’t actually feel like publishing either of them. I go through phases like this, and I know its part of the depression angle of my existence, but it’s been a little scary even for me lately. Any of the 4 or 5 of you that read this came here based on the fact that I put myself out there all of the time, and more and more it is getting so “not worth it” it’s casting nothing but doubt all throughout my savagely disturbed little brain lately. I don’t actually know what it is about me that I can get so horribly self absorbed into my own little world that as I sit alone with my 5 readers who like me and my 2 that peck at me {for whatever fucked up reason their lives have no meaning} yet I can’t just walk away from it.

Sunday was an interesting day actually despite how incredibly miserable I was and for the most part just rocked back and forth begging God to kill me it turned out ok. I didn’t post anything to any of my blogs and just drew pictures on my computer. I found some comfort in the kudos I got in sharing my artwork in my e-mail groups, and posted one of them yesterday with my blog. My mind was in such a shell of pure torment that I was totally incapable of writing anywhere. My novels got nothing added to them and aside from my little pathetic statement on Saturday I had done nothing “actually constructive” but as always I got through it, and was able to write a few pages in my books yesterday and the blog that I posted. I don’t know actually, in some way I get my gentle reminders that I deserve the things that happen to me and I somehow endure. If I was to give up writing daily blogs and putting myself “out there” I am quite sure I would regret it, as pointless as it all may seem to be, because sometimes we all in life have to hold on to the things that keep us going from day to day.

A plus to come out of all of this as I prattle on about nothing really important here is that I now have two back up blogs that will probably sit in My Documents until I really am pressed for time or I post them to TagWorld, but it really is strange to just have that feeling of dread as you look at something you wrote, and think to yourself “that is just going to make you get flamed” so I guess in a way I am losing my touch. I also took all of my Yahell 369 blogs and added them into this blog so that they don’t get lost, because some of them did have merit, but I am not going to post there anymore. As I wandered around looking at everything again, I realized that I really was wasting time, to appease, and it isn’t worth “putting myself out there” besides the fact on those occasions that I actually write something good, why waste it on that place {ok that got a grin} … Have a great Tuesday, but remember it is only 20% better than Monday realistically ;8o)

P.S. The fact that the schedule change that was imposed on me at work now makes it so that it takes me a half hour to an hour to post my blogs due to internet traffic makes it all worth while too ... ACK!

Have a question you want answered? Feel free to ask this sicko! Post any question you want Jeremy Crow to answer in the comments section of this blog and he will answer it totally honestly and to the best of his ability A.S.A.P. {One Question & One Answer per Blog, and no answers will be given to things that will harm others!}

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes ...
Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog}
Mental Notes - TagWorld Edition {Whenever}
Mental Notes - MySpace Edition {Weekends}
Mental Notes - Yahell 369 Edition {Weekends}
The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. JC~

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest