Saturday, March 18, 2006

A ROFLMAO PSA - Volume 1

Well I decided that I am going to have to get with the times now that I post blogs in several locations, it makes me syndicated in a way and it's only a matter of time before the FCC catches up with me and expects me to bow down to dedicating a portion of my writing space to PSAs {Public Service Announcements} so I figured I would beat them to the punch. I also want to take this opportunity to tell you all about my new charitable organization {since I hope to be rich & famous pretty soon here I am going to need one of those as well} which will be dedicated to spreading the word on serious health issues that face the world community. I'll even be really fair about it {in the eyes of government} and immediately give over my only prime piece of writing real estate this week towards it all, and that being my MySpace blog page.

I first need to make a catchy name for it that sits on the tip of everyone's tongue and easily spreads the word about the important issues that my organization is facing on a daily basis. It didn't take me very long to come up with Realistic Organization For Legitimizing Many American Ordeals {or ROFLMAO} and I am hoping that the acronym ROFLMAO can catch on, but I will do my best to get the word out. Just remember everyone, when you see ROFLMAO it pretty much sums up the important social and health issues that MY organization will be tackling on a daily basis, and should of course be moved to the forefront of any water cooler discussions that you partake in at the workplace, the school or the gym. I want to be taken every bit as seriously as the nightly news and your local newspaper.

Now to show that we here at ROFLMAO are seriously going to take on the really important issues, fearlessly and without any wavering on our intent to stamp out the ills of people today, we {yes we damnit} are going after the greatest threat of our time since small pox, and that would be the bird flu. This issue is so scary that it has taken up the very fabric of our newscasts and has actually taken away valuable time from bashing political figures and talking about what Ben Affleck happens to be up to on a daily basis and to rectify this problem we need only educate the good people of this wonderful planet to how to avoid bird flu! So after doing extensive research and spending a great deal of our personal wealth {I bought an Ice Coffee before I wrote this} to get to the meat of the issue, we are now prepared to release this PSA telling you as easily as we possibly can how to be 99.9% safe from getting the bird flu, and we here at ROFLMAO only hope and pray that you all can understand this clearly and succinctly and keep you and your family safe from this deadly, cunning, and insidious disease. Thank you and enjoy the first ROFLMAO PSA … In pre-release script format, for all of you ...

Bird Flue Prevention PSA {ROFLMAO} special edit v.4 r.17 ..
The scene cues in on a young attractive mother sitting at the kitchen table ... cue song "Bird Flu Prevention" .... action start ...
"When little Jimmy was lying there in his hospital bed, breathing his last breaths, I was distraught. I thought I had been a good mother, but who knew that letting little Jimmy play with bird feces was a bad thing? Sure he would walk around all day scraping bird dung off of everything we walked by and roll it around in his fingers for hours on end, but doesn't everyone?"

Cue dumbass mom to start crying now ...
"I Never realized that simply playing around with bird feces and then doing the normal children things like picking your nose and wiping bird dung into your eyes was a bad thing, but when James came home to tell me that he too had bird flu from chopping up and snorting bird crap, I realized that I should have been educated to this. All we needed was someone to tell us that not handling, wearing, or ingesting bird crap would keep us 99.9% safe from getting the dreaded bird flu and then they might be alive today. Where is the Bush administration to tell us how to keep our kids or husbands away from bird fecal material? How can they expect us to know not to do this on our own? Do they hate us white people that much?"

Cue into the toothless farmer ...
"I've been raising chickens now for going on 24 years and my father did it for 40 before that, and I never realized that I was putting the world in danger by not properly training my chickens to not defecate. While many millions of your tax dollars are hard at work teaching chickens to stop defecating, we'll need you to help us stop the spread of this awful killer known as Bird Flu. Sure I realize that we have all come to love playing with, snorting, eating, and throwing bird feces around, but it's now time for us all to do our part to not do that anymore,"

Farmer turns and looks at other camera ...
"Only you can stop the spread of bird flu, by doing your part to avoid bird poo!"

Que out while music volume increases ....
"Bird shit bird shit bird shit .. I won't snort you today .. Bird shit bird shit bird shit .. With bird shit I won't play .. Bird shit bird shit bird shit .. It's not to eat we say .. Bird shit bird shit bird shit .. Until Bird shitting goes away!"

This has been a public service announcement of ROFLMAO, and is not intended to be taken seriously, unless you really want to, and then be our guest. No animals were hurt in the creation of this PSA, but several people died while making it as it is far to difficult to keep people from playing with, ingesting, or snorting bird shit. We are trying after all!

Have a question you want answered? Feel free to ask this sicko! Post any question you want Jeremy Crow to answer in the comments section of this blog and he will answer it totally honestly and to the best of his ability A.S.A.P. {One Question & One Answer per Blog, and no answers will be given to things that will harm others!}

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes ...
Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog}
Mental Notes - TagWorld Edition {Whenever}
Mental Notes - MySpace Edition {Weekends}
Mental Notes - Yahell 369 Edition {Weekends}
The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. JC~

All writings Copyright © 2006 & Beyond
Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest