Thursday, February 23, 2006

Things You Learn With A Bad Back - Volume 10

I had to do it whether I liked it or not, and I have to just buck up and deal. I have 30 minutes before I have to jump in the car and get to work, so it shouldn’t be that much of a problem. I’m a man after all, these things only take 10 minutes for us, and I have been putting this off for days now. Ok, I just have to open the door and walk in, and then reach over, and turn on the water. Ok the water appears to be the right temperature, or at least I see the steam, and it doesn’t hurt my skin, damn I hate this. Taking off my clothes goes reasonably ok, but getting my socks off, that I can at least do with my toes anyway, I just have to get into the water you see and hope that the heat of the water makes me feel better. My skin was starting to get itchy there, and my fingers weren’t exactly making it through my hair, so I have to weigh the options, aside from the fact that my body was starting to smell pretty ripe.

The heat from the water starts pounding my back, and the muscles start loosening up, so at the very least I am getting some sort of relief from this, but as I’ve come to learn over the last year, when my back hurts like this I won’t be able to get enough relief to help me in the least, with what is coming up. Hairs washed, conditioned, and for the most part the rest of me is scrubbed down with my big loofah brush, so I guess I have to turn the water off and deal with it. Well that only took 5 of the usual 10 minutes that a shower is supposed to take a normal American male, so here we go.

Stepping out of the shower that I have put off for 3 days out of sheer terror, and time management issues of course, hasn’t even brought up the worst part of the whole ordeal, as my hand grasps the towel, and I start with the hair “because you always dry top down” like I tell the children when they were very little evils’s, and the I shall start working on the arms next. 6 minutes are down now, another 4 to go right, but my mind is now terrified because I know I am going to be wicked late for work, despite only being 20 minutes away from work, with a half hour to be there. The towel is working its way around my belly, my hips, my thighs, and the trickles of water running down my calves trying to escape are heading strait for the place that they know they are safe, because I can’t dry my feet when my back gets this bad.

It’s the little things that people never think of when they make fun of their grandfather who’s always complaining about his bad back. Lifting things isn’t that hard, when you bend at the knees, and use the proper lifting techniques. Pushing and pulling are no big deal because you have learned to deal with what you can and cannot do, so you compensate. No, it’s the things like being able to dry your feet and calves when you get out of the shower that is a total nightmare. The chain of events that this issue sets off can steal a half hour of your life easily. Nobody likes to put clothes on wet, but at the same time simply TRYING to put on a pair of socks with wet feet, when your back hurts too badly to bend over and dry them properly to begin with, is near impossible through the searing pain. What usually transpires is that I end up swatting at my feet with the towel like one of those automatic car wash buffing cloths, and then afterwards try to aim my sock perfectly and sweep it onto my feet in one fell swoop. What usually happens is I practically break a toe, and the pain at least transfers to my feet for a while.

After I get my socks on I rush my ass off, to get my pants on and note that I now have 15 minutes to make that 20 minute drive. Struggling with the pain, and getting my damn socks on for 15 minutes sucks, but it’s been part of my life for a few days now and again, but I was just trying to demonstrate some of the shit that one goes through after a blown out disk. It doesn’t even scratch the surface of the most infuriating thing that you notice after you’ve become broken in this manner which is that absolutely everything is located about 2 inches lower than your hand hangs down. This doesn’t seem like much, but when you actually feel your back move every inch, damn it sucks.

For a while there it is really hard to remember to bend at the knees just to get something that weighs 4 ounces out of the cupboard under the sink. Actually it’s gotten kinda hard to forget for me now, but again these things add up and a usual day for me has been complicated even more because of this issue, so I have to remember to bend at the knees even if doing that about 400 times a day steals at least ANOTHER hour from me. I’m lucky I don’t sleep all that much, but the running on empty factor is getting in too, so I have started sleeping 6 hours a night. I have actually cut back on a lot of things unfortunately because my body has been going into a horrible deterioration phase right now, and unfortunately I am merely falling downward toward the point I am supposed to be at I suppose. Everything I do takes me so much longer and I can’t keep rushing the “simple but often ignored things” like I have up until now. I’ve carried an interestingly brave face about it all for so long that I think most people forget that I actually have a severely ruptured disk and technically am “disabled”. I think that is Gods way of reminding me, and this is my way of reminding all of you. I love you all … Jeremy …

NO THIS DOES NOT MEAN I AM LEAVING, so you all will have to save you condolences or celebrations for another day … far away!

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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