Friday, February 17, 2006

Superdaddyman Takes on the Pink Mafia - Volume 6

The secret to life boys and girls, as Superdaddyman has always tried to tell you is to "Take lemons that have been forced upon you and make lemonade out of them" and as always your favorite super hero is leading by example! It was not a fun night at the Casa Di Evils's last night as the diabolical fiend known as Imtoocutus brought into the lair of the Superdaddyman, the most noxious bio-weapon that this defender of the evils's should ever hope to encounter again! The time spent throughout the wee hours of the morning cleaning runny fecal bombs out of many of the carpets and two different sets of sheets throughout the Casa alone, was not the way a hero of the stature of Superdaddyman should be spending his time! Ok, who are we fooling, it's exactly how Superdaddyman spends about 80% of his time, but in theory, you should get the point.

Despite the ramblings of her dedicated accomplice in whicked activity, Greektradgedius Inyiddish, Superdaddyman's keen expertise in such matters, has deduced that the evil bio-toxin had entered her system through about 18 pounds of Valentines day candy that the evil leader of Mophaka Al Queholic {MAQ} had allowed her to eat in the days leading up to the incident. This did not dissuade Superdaddyman from his duties cleaning all night and has horribly impaired his vision, as sleep is usually a necessity to our brave super hero!

How in the name of GOD could this translate into anything good, you all may ask yourselves? Well kiddies, this is exactly why I am the Superdaddyman, and you are not! Such miniscule bio-toxins simply fester in the perfectly sculpted {*cough *cough ... damn, lightning bolts} physique of Superdaddyman ... um well ... kinda anyway, as it has brought on a raging case of the farts today, and even as Superdaddyman is trying to chronicle his many good deeds from his strategic location behind enemy lines, he is forced to often leave the confines of his bunker due to ... well ... um smell actually. No matter, the bio-toxin has been put to good use already, as Superdaddyman had been doing his super secret spy work {cleaning the bathrooms and emptying the trash} up at the corporate offices of the Pink Mafia all morning. He was simply able to improvise a bit more than usual.

As Superdaddyman was peaking through the secret files of the company owner {sitting at his desk reading the new issue of Maxim that he thinks nobody knows about under the blotter on his desk} the Caped Pervader was able to immediately realize that he no longer had to use his awe inspiring mental abilities to contaminate the chair of the owner {yanno the usual squeezing your eyes together and forcing out a fart, while hoping nothing more escapes} and it was simply flying out of him as he was partaking of the valuable research material {and she had stockings on too!!!!} in the secret files. This led our fearless young {*cough *cough .. fuck, more lightning damnit!} to realize the full potential of his awesome new "gift" so onward he goes to the Human Resources Directors office. Now of course this took a while as she not only has her own chair {which suffered the most experimentation in the whole facility, trust me!} but also the 4 chairs around the table where she places the contracts to be signed, thus selling your soul to the evil Pink Mafia! Although as Superdaddyman was sitting on her keyboard to unleash terror upon it, he did realized another interesting thing that kinda makes the Superdaddypickle a little happy too, so that kinda adds to the bonus of the bio-toxin as well! Onward to the conference room!

The transformation of Superdaddyman into Superdaddyboy was being accentuated by the fact that he was getting a raging case of the giggles during the whole incident, as his noxious gas powers were now working in perfect rhythm with "Something Whicked" as it was playing on the pathetically cheap MP3 player that the Superdaddyman uses as his evil defying utility belt! The inability to do much of anything except bend over and laugh was caused by the song "Blue Monday" which came on next ... "How does it feel?" PFFFTTTHH "To treat me like you doooo!" SKEEEEOOONNNK "As I laid my hands upon thee" THHHHUUUPFFFF "And show you what you do" PFFFTHHSSSKKKK ... but once in the conference room the simple fact that Superdaddyman had been able to prove by scientific fact that sitting on a hardwood floor during a big blast, would indeed shake the whole building was totally priceless!

There's 12 more contamination zones down which also made a rousing cascade of echoing vinyl {and the spot on the table where the finance manager eats ... I hate that cheap fucker} which now, of course brings the daunting task of contaminating each individual office {except for the two of the girls that leave Superdaddyman candy and other goodies daily, above all else LOYALTY boys and girls ... loyalty!} which pretty much dominated the rest of the time that was supposed to be used to vacuum. You didn't expect any of the "bio-toxin research" to interfere with Superdaddyman's chronicling this wonderful event did you? Besides all of that salt from the last snow storm is probably good for the carpets anyway, so the Super Hero walks out with a clear conscience and for some strange reason a really light head. Oh well no matter, lemonade is almost finished, it's time for this brave ... um ... mid 30's Super Hero? {no lightning, ok I am starting to get the hang of this} to make his way onward to "Operation Pleasure and Pain" {OPNP} to exact some revenge on those people .... muahahahahaha .... He of course gets to sit on a LOT of weight machines and exercise bikes there ;8o)

Don't forget that the Yahell 369 {tomorrow morning} and MySpace {live as of NOW} editions come out this weekend kiddies! Have a great weekend!

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! ..

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest