Saturday, February 11, 2006

Superdaddyman Takes on the Evil Greektradgedius - Volume 4

Ah yes, the infamous “Tax Return Check” had arrived yesterday and with it a whole 24 hours of “Happy Joyous and Free!” because this is the ONLY time of the year that being poor white trash with 3 kids and no child support make ME the king of the universe! I was some excited yesterday when I looked in the old bank account and saw that extra 5 grand in there, so I did a few responsible things first like paying off my credit cards, and covering a few of Imtoocutus’s doctors bills {dating back to her ear surgery} which left me with roughly half. Proud of myself over doing the “mature thing” I then went out to do the immature thing, and buy TOYS FOR ME!

I started with one of those external hard drives, so that I can put all of my music and pornography {used purely for … um … research … yeah research!} onto it so that I can simply unhook it and hook it on to whatever computer I happen to need to do “research” on {like the one in the bedroom that has a lock on the door so that the kids don’t bust me doing “research”} without having to burn CD’s or take up all of the bandwidth on the network that is dedicated to downloading more “research” material. I figured while I was at it, I would get one of those cool dual layer DVD burners that can burn the labels on too {also external so it can be shared} along with a memory card reader, so that I can spread the “research” materials to the guys at work!

Don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind that taking the old external hard drive to work and teaching King George how to do a little research in his office so that I can commit EEEEEEVVVVIIIIILLLLLLLLL while he is tied up {or at least watching damsels being tied up} too. I am after all the greatest criminal mind turned to the plight of good in the history of mankind after all! The only real problem in all of my dastardly plans to commit evil, and research is that I forgot that with new toys comes that innate need to make the place look pretty for the new house guests. This of course leads me back to the LAST time I did this {which yes you guessed it was back when you read about it} and I still haven’t cleaned up the mess from that experiment!

I also didn’t take into account that I will have to install all of that software to make my pretty new toys work, and to be honest with you, I kinda prefer cleaning. I started with the CD for the card reader assuming that that would be the easiest, and I have never had this happen before but the damn CD was blank? No matter XP knew what to do with that anyway, so it was on to installing the new Sound Blaster card {oops forgot to mention that one … teeheehee} which created some interesting issues of it’s own. I hadn’t actually opened the case to this computer in say, about a year, and after blowing out all of the dust in it, and all of the sneezing that took place afterwards, I had found that I had lost my desk under all of the dust and crap I moved to get to the computer … ack! Installing the software while XP is trying to do it for me, is a race to get the real drivers in there before windows picks out the wrong ones seemingly never to be replaced again, and as always I failed.

Ok, now I have the soundcard configured after having to download everything from Quicktime {boy Apple sucks!} to Install Sheild, so I am ready to install the 400 Nero applications that came with the DVD burner. Each freaking one needed to be registered or it would lock the computer up every time I rebooted, but after an hour I finally got that finished. The office is getting cleaned as I go, I even got rid of all the computer parts that has cluttered my desk for the last 3 years {they looked passé sitting in the way of my beautiful new toys, and I even put them down in the kids room for a project for us all tomorrow .. “Let’s all build our own computers!” that should keep Captain ADHD busy for hours alone. Ok, I have done all of that and I am very proud of myself, so I shall simply take a shower and then come out and enjoy a smoke in my nice clean office!

Twenty minutes later I come out of the shower and take that left into my … WHAT IN THE NAME OF FUCKING GOD HAPPENED!!! … is all I can think as I can’t even see the other side of the room because there is a mountain of old lady, refused to be thrown away for 45 fucking years, shit strewn throughout my … um … as kinda clean office. 2o minutes, she was able to tally fill my office with her shit, and I am FURIOUS! Up the stairs I storm, because we have a few issues that are going to be solved right now! The most important of which being that she has 90 percent of this house for HER crap, and the other 10 percent is MINE!! The second is even more infuriating in the fact that I am constantly carrying shit all over the place for her making my back ache constantly because she pulls the “old and feeble” card on me all the time and SHE managed to get 700 pounds of HER shit in MY office in less than 20 minutes without making a sound! She’s like the Old Lady equivalent of a cat, only instead of needing to get through any door that is open; she needs to fill any free space with SHIT!

After sitting through all of the guilt trips and the tears because I am a big meanie, I finally did what any other 30 something year old man under the thumb of an irrational old lady would do, I lied to her! After she finally got that smug look on her face of having won this one I simply went back downstairs to MY office, and moved HER shit into the garage where SHE can’t reach it, to put it back in MY office! She’ll have to call her saintly tire jack stealing daughter to come over and get the shit down for her because I am NOT!

With that done I finally was able to sit down at the computer and have my cigarette and try to write this blog. What I really did first was ordered the premium version of Incredimail and the Stationary creator {as a gift for doing such a superlative job cleaning DAMNIT!} and started making some pornographic {for “research” purposes of course} stationary so that I can ply all of my friends in my “research” e-mail groups with something other than erotic stories. See it wasn’t a bad Saturday, now was it? … ;8o)

I know not many people are reading this anymore, but if anyone wants to ask me a question today in the comments I will answer it to the best of my ability ... J~

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! ..

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest