Thursday, February 9, 2006

Musical Methadone & Mental Masturbation - Volume 9

It never ceases to amaze our fearless super hero to what lengths people will try his patience. Today it was the diabolical Pink Mafia head King George the Blind {KGTB} who decided that Superdaddyman had nothing better to do than to sit and listen to his views on women, and how it has landed him in a marriage of 20 years that still requires many levels of control. It appears that The Caped Perverter needs a better glossy look to defend against such attacks on his already sleep deprived ability to stay awake! The song that was required for this mission was Static X – Push It, and after a quick scan of the archives in the Superdaddybrain, the song was loaded and ready to attempt drowning out the useless clatter.

“Well you see, I told my wife, that I am selling the house and I will give her half of the money, but she’s gone! I’m taking the boys, and all the stuff in the house and buying me a smaller one!” which prompted Superdaddyman to bite his tongue quite a bit, as KGTB has been married so long that he really doesn’t have a clue as to how these things actually work, or who will come out of a divorce trial wearing who’s penis! The man who thinks he is selling the house and giving her half of that money while he takes everything else including the kids, or the woman who stayed home and doted over all of them for the last 20 years. Just for him to GET to that conclusion shows that he isn’t exactly playing with bright and shiny jewels in the attack! It’s not Superdaddyman’s job to teach the Megalopolis court system to him, it’s his job to clean these f*cking toilets and take down the Pink Mafia in his spare time!

“You do realize while you are sitting here splaying out your diabolical scheme like the bad ending of a Scooby Doo cartoon, she has probably invited all of her friends over to discuss, where she is going to live with your shit and your kids after she gives you the 25% that the court may let you have if you learn to shut your yap through half of that!” Our favorite super hero was forced to blurt out purely out of friendship to his arch nemesis {kinda has that whole X-Men irony too it you see} as he truly is in need of guidance from a man who learned to simply walk away with nothing and keep the hair, after the third divorce. KGTB can’t afford to lose any more hair, and simply dealing with his wife’s menopause the way he has for the last two years has finally turned his hair white. “You really should just go for the mild apathy that most married couples shoot for and have separate bedrooms. I have a feeling that she puts up with quite a bit of your shit too yanno,” but it fell on deaf ears as it always does.

He continues again on his agenda of explaining how he needs to be free of the agony of dealing with a woman who is having her whole insides completely transformed on her, and feeling totally unloved and unattractive … um … well that isn’t how he was explaining it actually, but Superdaddyman has now officially installed StaticXv1.6-PushIt.EXE and can’t hear anything anymore other than “corrosive .. tainted by my sin .. i'm spilling blood .. and i can hardly contain it .. corrosive .. hallowing the hand .. stiffened i eat away .. eat .. eat into the surface .. yeah you push it .. explosive .. more violent more violent .. all consuming throbbing .. strait to the circle .. explosive .. move on reaction .. i slow it down i slow it .. down, down, down, down .. yeah, you push it .. i see it. i need it .. i see it. i need it“ and the next … Holy Long Windedness Superdaddyman … 2HOURS! … Goes by rather painfully, leaving our trusted Guardian of the Evils’s hardly any time at all to do all the things he needs to to get out of PMHQ at noon.

Tearing out of that parking lot in the MiniSDMobile {as the actual SDMobile is out of commission for the time being} our brave and noble crime fighter is on his merry way back to the Superdaddycave to work on important crime fighting maneuvers through the internet {*download porn} and StaticXv1.6-PushIt.EXE has been successfully uninstalled for WRKOv680.EXE which is talking about Kerry Healy running for Gubernor of MassAssChewsIts, which immediately gives Superdaddyman that infamous “Tickle In His Superdaddypickle!” for she would without a doubt be the HOTTEST Gubernor in the history of the universe!! She always wears those totally HOT business skirts that give Superdaddyman the “Painful Tickle in the Superdaddypickle!” Too! … Alas, the dream faded along the route toward the Superdaddycave as Superdaddyman realized that a state full of raging liberal emasculated men, and ardent liberal feminist twit women would NEVER vote for a hottie, as she is also an enemy to the more equals … RATS!

No matter for the Superdaddycave awaits and the important work that needs to be done there {*keyword “stockings”} so Superdaddyman uninstalls WRKOv680.EXE {for teasing the Superdaddypickle!} and installs KornV3.4-Blind.EXE and heads along. “Deeper! .. Deeper! .. Deeper inside me! .. To live a life that seems to be a lost reality .. That can never find a way to reach .. My inner self .. I stand alone! ..How deep can I go in the ground that I lay? .. If I don't find a way to see through the gray that clouds my mind .. This time I look to see what's between the lines! .. I can see, I can see, I'm going blind

The most infuriating stuff starts happening as Superdaddyman tries to initiate the upload of PornW/StockingsV367.9.EXE to the Superdaddybrain, and it comes in the form of “Operation Bore The Superdaddyman” {OBS} part 2, when the phone rings from the Northern Headquarters of the Evils’s {Elementary School} from the same number that has called the Superdaddyman 3 times in the last two weeks to come get Imtoocutus and her imaginary friends jumping off of her head. Superdaddyman answers the hotline with his usual cheer “What now?”

“Um … this is the school music teacher,” came through the phone, which was a voice that has not plagued Superdaddyman before with complaints of great evil. Fear took over the Superdaddyman, as he tried to ascertain, which of the Evils’s had committed atrocity this time so that he could apply whatever EXE it takes to drown out this person who sounds like the female version of Arnold Horseshack! “Captain ADHD has been really hard to control today, and I just thought I would tell you about it,” the voice weakly continued.

“This is different than any other day how?” our noble defender of the Evils’s rings back, and after her assurances that Captain ADHD has NEVER acted up in her class, the response was, “Don’t any of you over there talk to each other? You should talk to God about why he loves you and get grateful about it really quick, or this plague of locusts will invade your classroom like it does all the other classrooms. This is every day for all of THEM!” which was met with an “Oh Really?” … “He’s getting an AEP plan and going into SPED, you all were supposed to be told this?” the incredibly confused crime fighter retorts, to her obvious bewilderment. “Well now you know, I will have a talk with him ok, and you have a good afternoon,”

When the usual daily call came in from the Guidance Councilor at the school to report on the daily “What Captain ADHD did to US” guess who got to do the talking then?


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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! ..
Jeremy

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest