Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Musical Methadone & Mental Masturbation - Volume 11

Well I have taken the mantle of writing away from that simpleton Jeremy Crow so that we can get on to more pressing matters today, as I Superdaddyman have been infiltrating the super secret headquarters of none other than the Pink Mafia, while that dullard is off preaching and learning about politics. It is with a heavy heart boys and girls that your favorite super hero must advise you that he is going to take on a couple of subjects that might be a little scary for little eyes to read, but what kind of super hero would I be without partaking in a few traditions today along with the masses! As many Americans decide to celebrate their love for God by beginning a long process of torturing themselves today, it shall be the example of the Superdaddyman himself to also give up something for lent along with the rest of you! Three marriages should prove beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Superdaddyman is truly an expert on self abusive behavior. The very introduction of the second one has often placed the pain and suffering that Superdaddyman has endured on par with another great man who went by the initials JC.

It was a sneak attack, through hypnotic suggestion that triggered the first attack of musical hysteria upon the Superdaddyman, and the cruelty of such was totally unfathomable! As one of the horrific crime bosses in the Pink Mafia walked past Superdaddyman and used the term “bloke” to describe him. The chain of events that presented themselves from this one suggestive statement had the full force of the British Invasion upon Superdaddyman in mere minutes! “Mrs. Brown, you’ve got a lovely daughter .. Girls as sharp as her are something rare .. Mrs. Brown you've got a lovely daughter .. Girls as sharp as her are somethin' rare .. But it's sad, she doesn't love me now .. She's made it clear enough it ain't no good to pine .. She wants to return those things I bought her .. Tell her she can keep them just the same .. Things have changed, she doesn't love me now .. She's made it clear enough it ain't no good to pine .. Walkin' about, even in a crowd, well .. You'll pick her out, makes a BLOKE feel so proud .. If she finds that I've been round to see you (round to see you) .. Tell her that I'm well and feelin' fine (feelin' fine) .. Don't let on, don't say she's broke my heart .. I'd go down on my knees but it's no good to pine .. Walkin' about, even in a crowd, well .. You'll pick her out, makes a BLOKE { you fucker! } feel so proud .. If she finds that I've been round to see you (round to see you) .. Tell her that I'm well and feelin' fine (feelin' fine) .. Don't let on, don't say she's broke my heart .. I'd go down on my knees but it's no good to pine” and revenge is all that Superdaddyman can think of now!

The Musical Methadone finally came in the form of Mr. Big’s “Green Tinted Sixties Mind” … which led to Tesla’s “Song and Emotion” which brought Superdaddyman to Ozzy Osbourne’s “Mr. Crowley” and then finally into Judas Priest’s “A Touch of Evil” because as Superdaddyman has always told you boys and girls, Judas Priest is an “out” song! The mind was finally cleared to go onto the plans to infiltrate the Lavender Mafia {The Catholic Church} for the next 40 days. The only thing that is necessary now is to figure out what Superdaddyman is so bravely going to go without for that time to show symbolically that he is with his friends who will be suffering in the name of their God. This will not be an easy decision, for many of the things that people take for vice are valuable research materials for the Superdaddyman, and it would be a bad thing if Superdaddyman were not able to take down the Pink Mafia, and save the world from the Evils’s, so the decision making process had to begin.

Although the amazing farting ability of the Superdaddyman can be a very powerful weapon in the fight against the Pink Mafia {and comes in handy when you have a 5 year old Imtoocutus that won’t shut up as well} it still can be a rather big hindrance in many of Superdaddyman’s other duties in Megalopolis. Such duties as protecting the long legged damsels of this fair city from not be gawked at with drool hanging off of Superdaddyman’s lip in public tends to be hindered a lot when people have trouble being able to walk by from an unsafe distance. This of course leaves giving up meat off of the plate as all of that tofu will give Superdaddyman the types of farting powers that might be uncontrollable to say the least, and far to harsh for even Imtoocutus or the Pink Mafia!

Downloading and scrawling through heaps of pornography must be taken off of the list too, as such valuable research material is vital for the super secret plans of the Caped Pervader that the very thought of mentioning them means that Superdaddyman would have to kill all of you reading this, and that would not make him a very good super hero now, would it? Besides the fact that it tends to make him a little safer when protecting the long legged damsels of the great city of Megalopolis during the drooling that they so richly need! Without the aid of such clean, wholesome pornography it would probably force Superdaddyman to interact with these damsels thus twisting their minds at having to be in actually conversation with one of their heroes! The next thing you know it is like a Motley Crue world tour all in one city, and we kinda like our Hepatitis in Pam and Tommy where it belongs!

Well the computer is the next thing to be scratched off of the list of vices, as I know how being without the Superdaddyman for 40 days would be torture to all 12 of you, and I cannot be that cruel either. Besides that fact that all of the secret codes that are implanted in all of those veiled filthy IMs is crucial to the security of the planet, and you all wouldn’t want to see something horrible because Superdaddyman is not out keeping unity on planet Earth now would you? You can see what a tough decision this is now can’t you! The fact is that there is one vice left that as horrifying as it is for Superdaddyman to have to give it up for 40 whole days, he of course would do it, because he loves each and every one of you so much that the only responsible thing for him to do is to simply just give it up for lent. It sends shivers down the spine of this battle tested soldier in the war against the Evils’s but Superdaddyman is after all a man of his word, and a beacon of hope to all so I shall do this for all of you, and I know that all of your undying loyalty and appreciation will flow for this great sacrifice!

I Superdaddyman do solemnly swear, in the name of the God of the Lavender Mafia, to not in any way shape or form for the entire lent, leading up to the time that the “other” JC arose from his tomb … Watch Pro Football … I hope my sponsor “Bill Bellechik” forgives me ;8o)

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest