Sunday, February 12, 2006

Livin' With Evils's - Volume 19

Here comes the white stuff again, as the snow simply falls all over the innocent citizens of Megalopolis, Superdaddyman is forced to defend the simple folk from the Evils’s at the Casa, and somehow figure out how to keep 3 wanton criminal masterminds at bay. This is no easy feat as their genders and age differences don’t blend well at all, and it always ends up being a two on one scenario if left unchecked! If Big Evil and little Evil combine forces it is simply a ruthless attack on the sanity of Middle Evil {which isn’t very hard to do} and will of course transform him into the most psychotic Super Villain known to mankind CAPTAIN ADHD!

Once unleashed the fearsome terror that is Captain ADHD blows through the Casa like the Tasmanian Devil from the Bugs Bunny cartoons, but far more damaging and far less coherent. This of course was the level of psychosis that was attained right before breakfast even started and continued well through a very noisy and angry “Mafia Style Sit Down” which had your favorite crime fighter Superdaddyman desperately wolfing his food down {like always} to try to just get away from the chaos and noise! Little evil has now transformed into Imtoocutus, and is counter attacking the crazed logic of Captain ADHD with her own brand of “lunacy creation tactics” which most people would call “babbling” but we know better, don’t we boys and girls?

The truth always lays at the hands of “The Quiet One” as it was taught to Superdaddyman in his “Wild Animal Training 101” class. The most conniving of them all, as she does have the ability to NOT broadcast her next fiendish move is sitting to the right of Superdaddyman trying to finish her breakfast as quickly as he is, which could only mean one thing … She has now transformed from Big Evil to the mater schemer known as Lazius Boycrazius, and our brave middle aged “Defender of the Evils’s” has let it slip by him, but not for long as he looks at her and says “Ok what did you do?”

No sooner had the “Wha??” come out of her mouth before a flurry of menacing voices start flying out of the other two mega criminals, about “she did this”, “I wanted to do that”, and “that wasn’t fair” {and don’t fool yourself in the least … that was what was decipherable from the nearly 10 minutes of a 5 and 7 year old screaming over each other to make sure that THEIR opinion on the matter was MORE heard than the other ones!} that Superdaddyman now has to process and determine .. A. Does it mater? .. B. Can it be fixed? .. and of course .. C. Can I find a way to dig out of that snow bank blocking the front door and make a break for the airport before they can grab me?

“Don’t take your brother’s things and hide them in your room … don’t take your sister’s things and hide them in HIS room! Actually just stay out of his room all together and ….” This is where they know they have the Superdaddyman because he can’t arbitrarily send them outside, it’s EVIL CENTRAL and HE has to deal with it …. *gulp*

“Well can we play video games?” was snuck in from the always calculating Captain ADHD thinking that the wits of Superdaddyman are faltering as he tries to think of things for these evil lil bastards to do while he defends the Internet from unfound porn! Of course the diabolical mastermind himself knows full well that he isn’t allowed anywhere near a TV after being thrown off the prisoner transport device {school bus} on Friday for trying to punch the driver!

“Not if it were the only thing left in this house that was operational Boo Boo, now go upstairs and clean your room,” which was the first phase of “Operation Keep the Evils’s Busy” {OKEB} which was met with the usual “Then Can I play Video Games?” which was instantly thwarted with the counter measure of “NO!” which simply starts his plans of “Operation Make This Miserable” {OMTM} which in and of itself will make this day pretty damn long, as he stomps his feet as hard as he can the whole way towards his room. Amazing how much stomp he can get out of his 60 pound body after all.

Back to the Lazius Boycrazius {who also doesn’t get to imbibe on the “other” babysitter as she has decided that getting a report card full of F’s and D’s was a brilliant idea} and this is where she really hold the Superdaddyman hostage as she gives him that look of “It’s ok, I’ll spend the day winding the other two up and make your life a nightmare” which you can actually see the “muahahahahahahaha” coming from out of her eyeballs. She doesn’t know though that her lack of educational effort creates that self righteous side of Superdaddyman that can be quite opportunistic at times as well.

“Go outside and start shoveling,” which was met by a rather unhappy gasp, “Well you aren’t going to learn anything in school, you might as well learn what it is like to do really hard labor that is never ending and seems like it takes forever … Make sure you wear gloves!” was my reply even though the snow isn’t going to stop until tomorrow, it’s about time she learn who owns this fucking house!

She’s been out there a good twenty minutes at this point, and Captain ADHD is still upstairs stomping on the ground, but the good news is that it gave Superdaddyman the opportunity to chronicle his many exploits in the war against the Evils’s. If the rest of the day goes this smoothly then score one for the “Not completely Evil” guys ;8o)

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! ..

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest