Tuesday, January 3, 2006

Things You Learn When You Write A Blog - Volume 5

It was another one of those wonderful days off, that I so dream of, where I have nothing really to do, and I am just planning to relax a bit and catch up on some things. My day would have gone beautifully if I hadn’t done that dangerous thing I do called “thinking”. This is a very dangerous habit that I have if any of you haven’t noticed, but for the few of you that haven’t let me explain what last Sunday was like for me and you too will come to understand that a mind is a terrible thing.

I was finished up with all of my blogging responsibilities rather early, and being New Years day and all most of my friends had already used up most of today’s energies partying the night before {sober or not} and Superdaddyman of course had been at home defending the Evils’s from … well … themselves as he usually does during those fun periods that everyone else is enjoying the whole “Installing Life.exe into Reality.sys” so needless to say I was quite bored. My raging case of “writers block” {as well as my inherent fear of retaliation for my “big mouth”} were making it hard for me to be creative writing, so I decided that I would be creative in other avenues. I decided to build a website to go along with my MySpace page, and try to pretend that I am cool. Hey I discoed once I’m … um … groovy … or something like that. Oh boy, do I never learn.

I own a few domain names and a rather large web server, so it should be a piece of cake for me. I started by scooping up a pile of music videos, and placing those on individual pages on MySpace. Well that looks pretty cool, perhaps I should try to add a few other things, like … photo galleries … ok there’s a good idea, I kinda miss my HUGE photo galleries that Yahoo took from me when they killed JeremyCrow4Life, so I shall get right on that. I loaded up my copy of Front Page and popped open my Xara … loaded a few thousand images … cool little php database … upload … and … um … it doesn’t work. Damn! … Ok it must be in the .htaccess files that the Apache Server isn’t reading everything right, so that the Front Page extensions installed …

So now I imagine that a lot of you are reading this little lesson in Chinese and saying, I don’t have a clue what he is talking about, and in lies the problem …. Apparently neither do I, as my entire server went KAPLOOOOOOEEEEEE on me and I had to frantically get everything back up and running. Why you all may ask? It goes sort of like this … all of those cute little pictures that I put on EVERYONE’S blog comments were on THAT server, and the flaming co-dependent in me was having a full bore PANIC ATTACK because now I had just single handedly ruined everyone else’s blogs!!!! Throw in the horrible tendency to be every bit as bad as Captain ADHD, and we had some serious issues here. I was totally driven to fix this problem if it was the last thing I did! My kids even started wondering if daddy was ok, as he sat here hunched over his keyboard drooling like a lunatic {um they didn’t have to know that some rather … ahem … racy IMs added to that look of going to tear something apart, as well} and the best part of it all was that it was a National Holiday, so there was nobody to help me out …. ACK!!

I finally did what any *cough* *cough* normal *cough* person would do, and broke out the old FTP program so that I could start deleting files until I made it work. I’LL SHOW THEM!! As I started to delete everything imagining that I would start over again … muahahaha *cough* *ack* *cough* … Oh for the love of God the server company WHAT???? My IP got K-Lined for taking down the other domains hosted on the same computers, so now when you type in www.szarahco.com it would go directly to the InterNIC’s BANNED directory … *gulp* Ok … now I am no longer concerned about everyone else for a change I just realized that all of MY MySpace pages stuff is null … DAMNIT!

Ok … what to do … what to do … YES … I shall go to my other server!! So I start working on my primary website www.jeremycrow4life.com …. Well to make a long story short THAT one still isn’t up yet! So in 3 weeks I managed to have my name taken away by not only Yahoo but by InterNIC itself! Congratulations LOSER! So I still don’t really want to say die on this whole project, and I run over to Tripod to set up a free site, and at least get all of my pictures for MySpace working again … Ok let me see here I want the name JeremyCrow4Life … HEY!! Who the hell took that name damnit!!! That’s MINE!! Grrrrrrr … ok … Jeremy {#$%^%} Crow {%^$#@} 4 {%#$^@ *&%^ #&^%} Evah! … Fuck Yeah … The NEW me … Gawd Damnit!!! … Ok so I load up all of that I get the site running … Ok … Looks GORGEOUS … um … except for that stupid Flash Object that floats into the middle of the screen … um … oh screw it, I’ll pay the money to get rid of that … I am the NEW JEREMY after all … the one that won’t be doing the same stupid shit that the old Jeremy did anymore …

Ok, I have that banner ad gone now, and I am rocking and rolling, all I need to do is log into the administration thingy and … OH WHAT THE FUCK … It logged me in as JeremyCrow4Life damnit … and there’s those stupid banners ACK … um … oh wait, come to think of it I already had a Tripod account … teeheehee … um … Ok I have two now … no matter, but the paid hosting is on the wrong one … oh EAT me!

Well needless to say I have more websites than blogs, but the good news is that I have all of these wonderful web pages to link them all together now. The saddest testament to my whole existence is that I remember back in the good old days, when I was like … um … “kidless” and I wanted to be cool … well in a watches Star Trek compulsively and masturbates to downloaded porn sort of way, and I would add all of the cool little do-dads to my little GeoCities page, and my Tripod Page in hopes that everyone will just show up and sign my little guest book and post things to my little bulletin board, and then all of the other cool people {when taking a break from watching Star Trek and masturbating to downloaded porn} would come along and want to just post to all of these things. Well back then it never happened, and now as I am back to square one with my little Tripod page, and kids crawling in and out of my ass I have so many friends and things going on that I can’t even fit it all into a reasonable amount of space, on a web page. It must be the fact that I am hooked on Buffy The Vampire Slayer and masturbating to downloaded porn now … and my mother said I would never amount to anything ;8o)

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! ..

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes ...
Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog}
Mental Notes - MySpace Edition {Weekends}
Mental Notes - Yahell 369 Edition {Weekends}
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Join The Blogaholics MySpace Blog Ring
Join Blogaholics Anonymous {on MSN}
The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest