Monday, January 9, 2006

Superdaddyman Takes on Captain ADHD - Volume 4

It’s a strange day, here in Megalopolis, as our favorite Super Hero Superdaddyman leaves for his covert operations infiltrating the Pink Mafia. The knowledge that later on in the day, it will be yet another epic struggle between Good and Evil as the diabolical mastermind Captain ADHD is on the loose and creating the type of total chaos, which requires yet another special guest appearance of Superdaddyman at the TOKE {The Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils’s} southern headquarters. The task at hand will be to decipher the exact means of the upcoming peace treaty that will enable Captain ADHD to officially take the reigns in his new secret identity … CAPTAIN SPED!!!

There is still the usual mundane tasks that need to be completed by Superdaddyman before he can embark on the mission for later in the day, which brings us back to Pink Mafia HQ for a little Environmental Engineering {cleaning toilets} before Superdaddyman is once again engaged headlong into another super secret meeting of “Operation Pain & Pleasure!” {OPNP}Now mind you, all of this is complicated by the fact that Superdaddyman is also being totally attacked by one of those rare Mojo Days that screw with his system nowadays, so this might get a little dicey! The new super secret spy equipment that Superdaddyman is toting with him today {a whicked cheap MP3 player} becomes a very important part of the plans. The KoRn that it was loaded with sets the stage for what is coming up next.

Assuming that the mood to be accomplished when riding a recumbent bike is not supposed to be horny, we will assume that Superdaddyman totally failed in the first stage of OPNP miserably. Superdaddyman has officially placed a mental note in the ledger that “Shaving Ones Privates” on a whim, is not an ingenious idea when a week later you will be peddling away on a recumbent bike with the Superdaddypickle tucked up in the leg of your pants so that the tightening and loosening of your pant leg and the scruffing of the ¼ inch hair surrounding it … um … well I think you get the point of this. Add in the fact that he subjected himself to this for an entire half hour, after noticing the weird tickle in the Superdaddypickle, and we shall just leave it at an adventure. The fact that his Superdaddypickle was making a grand appearance clean through his Wrangler jeans made Superdaddyman a little self conscious.

About 10 minutes into the bike ride Superdaddyman starts noticing something very strange going on as HE WAS RIGHT!!! All the women are staring at him. A glance into the mirror on the side of the wall next to the bike revealed Superdaddyman’s super chameleon like abilities to turn bright red and blend into NOTHING!!!! The volume on the MP3 player gets adjusted appropriately to drown out the voice in Superdaddyman’s head that is screaming “They’re looking at your bone dude!!” and now he is headlong into the self humiliation aspect of pedaling a bike while trying to adjust the Superdaddypickle, which is NOT going well at ALL! The absolute shock and horror, of the most attractive woman in the place {with a voice exactly like EX2’s by the way … LOUD, annoying, and with little or no point attached to it} comes strolling over to the bike. The only thing that Superdaddyman has going for him at the moment is that the MP3 player is rocking through “Make Me Bad” {a very POOR song choice for this particular moment I know} so loud, that this dingbat doesn’t have a clue that Superdaddyman can’t hear a word she is saying.

As our lovable super hero pedals his little bike along trapped by Queen Leotard, he makes not that despite the crimson tinge that his face seems to be displaying, she does maintain eye contact. This is a PLUS considering that a mere 2 ½ feet down there is another eye dying to make some contact of it’s own, and Superdaddyman already has to explain himself on a daily basis to so many as it is. Her lips are moving, but as Superdaddyman pedals all he hears is “What does it mean to you? .. For me it's something I just do. .. I want something. .. I need to feel the sickness in you .. I feel the reason as it's leaving me, no, not again. .. It's quite deceiving as I'm feeling the flesh make me bad.” So during the stops in her lips moving he just nods in agreement. After a few of these exchanges she seems rather excited, and our dutiful crime fighter doesn’t even think to be worried as she gives him a big smile and then looks down … DAMNIT! She partook of the Superdaddypickle!! .. um and I agreed to something??? … Uh Oh!

Our wonderful crime fighter was able to sneak out of the OPNP HQ without being spotted by Queen Leotard, so he will probably NOT learn what horribly wretched thing he agreed to until Wednesday {fucking KoRn … does it to me every time!} and the rest of the day at PMHQ went without a hitch, so it is off to the TOKE SHQ for the peace treaty with the tribunal of SPED to see the fate of Captain ADHD. Upon fighting his way through the throngs of Single Mommies sucking up to him {as he does suffer from being the ONLY Single Daddy in Megalopolis after all} he sits down for his conference. Four SPED Teachers, all female, and Superdaddyman, as the School Psychologist leads off with the same line that all of them had “God I just LOVED Captain ADHD, he is so smart, and sweet and eager to please ….” And after getting this same line from the fourth, it became blazingly apparent to Superdaddyman something that had scared him for some time now … Captain ADHD is restless, overly dramatic, overly sensitive, riddled with ants in his pants, a know it all at times, and adored by every woman that comes in contact with him … HOLY SHIT!!! My father DID get God to curse me with another ME for a child! ;8o)

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! ..

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest