Friday, January 13, 2006

Some More Reasons I am Jeremy Crow After All - Volume 6

So now it is day 3 of being sick as a rabid dog … first day of admitting it publicly. I have been taking care of 3 sick evil little a-holes and 1 really big evil a-hole while just wanting to curl up and die for far too long now, as it really ruined my disposition to WANT to go to work today. This is not going to be good I am thinking as I also have an appointment at the headquarters of OPNP {Operation Pain & Pleasure} to go to when I am so riddled with the flue that every joint and muscle in my body are killing me already!

The trusty cheap MP3 player broke {piece of crap} so I am listening to the wonderful tunage of Dig Dug {that viciously gay Atari game with the bicycle pump that you kill dragons with … yeah, that should tell you a little more about the carnival in MY head} as I whistle cleaning the offices of PMHQ {Pink Mafia Headquarters} and taking care of all of the plants, in the hours before I go and start doing my workouts at the rehab center.

A funny aside to all of this is I think I finally figured out what my two admirers {peanut butter cookies, and Peanut M & Ms today by the way} and I think it has to do with the crazy plant lady at work. You see this woman won’t let anyone throw away their dead plants, and she takes them and fills her office, and the office next to her with all of these plants everyone else has killed. The sad part is that she is absolutely NO better at taking care of plants, so a month ago, when I started doing the janitors job all of these brown disgusting eye sores sat for everyone to look at in misery. I never thought anything of it as I started taking care of them in my spare time, and they all within a week or so sprung back to life, and now 4 weeks later, they are vibrant and full and alive.

I had thought all along that they were simply enamored with the big two things … These being I am totally gorgeous {thank God for the computer screen blocking the fact that I can not keep a strait face} and more importantly I actually listen to these two when they talk. It’s actually one of those habits I have that sometimes goes good, sometimes bad. It qualifies as one of those things in this world that is a very good quality that I never think about. Here’s another … I happen to have a God given green thumb. Granted by birth as it is in all men in my family going back to the days of Umbg, Garglk, and Mufglw {my earliest known ancestors growing slimy things in a bog and fighting off T-Rex’s} and completely devoid in ANY of the women I am related too.

Back in the 360 days I used to have pictures of my house and yard in my photo galleries, what would amaze people was when they saw the BEFORE pictures. The house is built on a granite shelf, nothing is supposed to grow on it. I have sat at many different family gatherings as my mother, my grandmother, my aunt, and all of the other pathetically overbearing and full of shit women that have forced every man into an early grave {um … that sounds kinda bitter huh? … oh fuck it … let them get their own damn blog} sit around and blatantly lie about how I have maintained what they started so beautifully. This went on for years until finally our German {strait from Germany by the way} neighbor said to them at a Thanksgiving dinner “I hate to has to disagree vis you, but I vas going to sell my house until Jeremy took over here because all you ladies never could do anysing but push mud, and it vas humiliating to zee neighbors!” … needless to say, it is NOT allowed to talk about the lawn, or Ursula in this house anymore.

I don’t think of these things you see, as it is simply part of my instincts, as apposed to my ingrained habits. I happen to be very polite, I do all of the gentleman things like opening doors for ladies, pulling out chairs, introducing myself properly, etc etc etc … a quick introduction to roughly 95% of my family will tell you that that has NOTHING to do with genetics, but by watching Captain ADHD, as he takes a school experiment that involves seeds and dirt, that turns into a weed, would demonstrate that that is. The rest of his class simply has dirt and a sprout. While at the same time watching his sisters or any other woman in the family walk past plants that simply wither, at the mere sight of them proves it.

I find it quite fascinating actually, as I had decided to go onto the internet and look up my Great Grandfather who actually is the most famous writer in the family despite what my mother thinks, since he has written dozens of books on agriculture, that were must reads in schools around the country. Most people would only know him because of his extremely famous brother {like anyone couldn’t be the first person to break the sound barrier … sheesh!} and I actually found something to be rather proud of in my family history. He was ALL over the internet, and he has been dead for 30 years, who knew. Treasures abound in the very things we never think about because they are simply second nature.

I just want to leave you all with a quick note about yesterday in blogland … I took the day off … because I earned it ;-)

Question … Can you think about anything you do that people love, but it’s just second nature so you never even think about actually doing it? If you can’t think of something … ask me and I’ll tell you ;8o)

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! ..

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