Wednesday, January 4, 2006

Musical Methadone & Mental Masturbation - Volume 8

Well it was to my ultimate terror that I walked into work today {song blaring in my head “Thoughtless” by KoRn} and saw a blast from my not so distant past that I was not too particularly happy to see. Here at Pink Mafia Headquarters {PMHQ} where your favorite crime fighter Superdaddyman is forced to go under “deep cover” to try to infiltrate the most heinous of crime family’s since the Lavender Mafia took over the Vatican, life can be rather touchy at times and often old wounds can sting for a very long time. It was that smirk sitting their on Paco Taco’s face that told me that he still feels he got the better of me after he shrink wrapped the Superdaddymobile and vacuum sealed it so that all of the crawfish he had put inside of it {except that one lucky bastard that scared the shit out of me while I was driving} had died making the Van stink for a week, that made Superdaddyman get that special little “tickle in his pickle” that can mean only one thing … EEEEEEVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLL!!!

Yes King George The Blind, the dutiful Godfather of the Pink Mafia “Morning Edition” had taken the day off, and King Paco Taco had moved into his turf for the day. Fortunately for King George, disguised as a mild mannered {albeit rather EEEEVVVVIIIIIILLLLLL} janitor, is none other than Superdaddyman … Defender of The Evils’s! … Virginity Defender! … and for today only {yeah right} CAPTAIN CHAOS!! There is no way the greatest criminally insane mind turned towards the plight of defending mankind from such evil as … *shivers* … Captain ADHD … *whimpers* … The Diabolical Imtoocutus … *gasps* … Lazius Boycrazius … and *lord help us all* Greektradgedius Inyiddish is going to let “The Smirker” think that he has the upper hand. Heaven forbid that every single CEO, and VP happens to be here at the moment to see any evil plot that might unfurl, no we shall chalk those little things into the “Mere Obstacles” category for today boys and girls.

The trick to being totally evil in such matters is to NOT let anyone think that you are straying away from your normal job functions. It is a little harder today, as the last time Superdaddyman had faced the Diabolical Paco Taco, he had his Capo’s along side him from PM Twilight Edition, and he had failed to create any alliances with anyone since he came back to this shift. Who knew that Paco Taco would ever have the stones to face the Superdaddyman again, but I guess it is like a Soap Opera after all where the Villains never die, they simply go to California, while everyone conveniently forgot that they once had found the “Dastardly Bastards” severed head and body that had been run over by a tar layer … no it was actually all a dream that an entire city had had at the exact same time and my dream of leaving Paco Taco back on PM Twilight Edition will be his nightmare … muahahahahaha …

Well it was going to be a slow day9 toilets and a few microwaves to clean, so I actually have enough time to squeeze in a few surprises. The plan had to be carefully laid out with all of the “obstacles” walking around in the broad daylight. The parking lot was kinda off limits as the Vice President in charge of whether I get a paycheck or not has the best window view of it, and he also happens to be rather intimately involved with “The Mother Of All Pranks” {MAP as it had been code named previously} since he was barely able to hold his urine as Paco Taco tried to explain it to him. He then gave me the obligatory “Well you know that we can’t prove anything, but I need to impress upon you … blah blah blah” but did you see the Superdaddyman crying when the crawfish crawled across his foot … Well of course NOT, I never admitted it in PUBLIC!!! It’s my FUCKING blog after all!

After eliminating the Parking Lot which would have been the easiest route to getting a rather evil deed done, I had to start weighing my other options. Can’t go after the office, it’s being shared during the day … he doesn’t have his beer hidden in the silo during the day … no … OH … muahahahahahaha … I shall do what any evil bastard would do in my situation … Consult his BROTHER, who happens to work on this shift and I have it on good authority likes ME a HELL of a lot better than he likes his brother! Hmmmmmm took me all of 2 and a half minutes actually to find out what I needed to know, and away I go to start working on unspeakable EEEVVVIIIILLLLL … did I mention muahahahahahaha? Did I also mention that this is the end as I have to actually go to work now, and institute my magnificent plot, because what Mauricio told me is that Paco Taco is working today, and that gave me more time to work on the fiendish plan? … Well now you know … Walks out singing … “All of my hate cannot be found .. I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming .. So you can try to tear me down .. Beat me to the ground .. I will see you screaming .. All of my hate cannot be found .. I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming .. So you can try to tear me down .. Beat me to the ground .. I will see you screaming” … I’ll see you guys later ;8o)

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Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! ..

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Jeremy Fink and The Crow's Nest