Friday, December 2, 2005

Things You Learn From The Girl at Dunkin Donuts - Volume 1

I have figured out that I have several issues in my life that stem from my childhood, and the fundamental values that I had come to rely on, to get me though. Many of them often include the things that everyone who reads my shit know about and often commend me for overcoming, drinking, emotionally abusive behavior, escapism, irresponsibility, and in a nutshell, I am just pretty fucked up. For the most part these things altered me from what would be considered “normal” as I often talk about. Not normal is not an insult, as I always say it is just human nature to accept that most people do not have some of the stigmas that I do. It’s nice that an awful lot of them do, and I am excited at times to help people out. I am learning that it is better to help people out in a real world environment where I can punch them when they get evil, but ya gets what ya gets.

I think I finally started a path towards understanding something about myself last night that many people have been trying to tell me for a long time, and I am sure that some people will be offended by what made me understand it. I understand all to well what a pain in the ass people like me who don’t learn very easily are like and I apologize to any of you who tried to teach me this revelation, but hey, I am here now, even if it is a little late to the party. You see, if we go back to when I was just a little Jeremy {you know up hill 5 miles to school with no shoes in the snow, 5 miles uphill home from school with no shoes in the snow … but I liked it that way}, and there are a few things, like most people I truly proved. First of all … Me and all of the other ugly kids, go to the school reunions simply to show off how we ain’t the ugly ones no more … muahahahaha … and Second of all … I was the kid that found vapid nobility in befriending the weirdos.

I bring you to Dunkin Donuts that I always go to on my way to work, and it has been a habit of mine to leave an extra 15 minutes earlier than I have to everyday, so I can “flirt” with the girls there. Ok that’s what I told all of you, and truthfully I do, but there is actually another reason. Hamid {sp?}, the guy who works the drive through window is my friend, not that we hang out or anything, but I always take time to talk to him, about baseball, or explain the rules of football to him, etc etc etc. I like him, and he used to be very shy. He is from Pakistan, and I know everything about him, because I ask, and I am very thoughtful in the way I talk to him. I just do it, I don’t actually know why, it’s in my nature. After being late for work a couple of times I added that extra 15 minutes to my leave time. The girls at this Dunkin Donuts are in love with me, that’s why they always flirt with me, and treat me like a prince and bend over counters etc etc etc. I of course thought it was because I am totally gorgeous, and how could anyone resist me … ok … honestly I thought it was because they are used to me, and that perception changed slightly last night.

Hamid was sick last night and didn’t go to work, so I asked Brittney {yeah real name, and she actually looks like a chunkier Brittney Spears, and she was the one who caught me staring at her ass that day too} where he was. She replied to me “He called in sick hun, but he wanted one of us to make sure that you knew he was ok,” to which I told her to make sure he knew I asked and am happy he will be fine. She added at that point “You’re the only person he talks to, and it’s really sweet how you have helped him be comfortable, we love you for that” and the little light bulb went off over my head. I drove the rest of the way to work, looking forward to writing a blog. I didn’t think that was going to happen again for a while, but when I make my self realizations, I like to pen them and use others as witnesses to kick the shit out of me when I fall into patterns that go against what I have written {grinning} … Oh and I also want to blame Boofy too, as I can’t for the life of me figure out what that fucking song is. Probably RAP … blech.

So here is my self realization, in a nutshell, despite the fact that I have been told this a million times by many people, and I will leave my comments open for the few of you who are allowed to see this, for the I told you so’s. My superhero complex, combined with the fact that I have to be the person who finds the good in everyone, intermixed with all of that AA crap about helping the fellow whatever the hell who suffers from MY shit, added with the superdeeduper co-dependant nature I have, AND a raging case of being a Pisces, has led me to ALL OF THIS!!!! …. Ok … I spend so much time trying to be a good person, and loving the meek, or the helpless, or the needy, and yanno, bout 80% of those are actually the pitiful, the hopeless, or the users. As I have come to realize a lot of those people don’t go away quietly either, when you finally realize that they might be nothing but a gang of blood sucking harpies either. It’s hard to let go of that which you thought you owned after all, and worse than that, it is better to destroy what you cannot have.

This leads me to the other realization, that came from all of this, and it is rather amusing, that I never saw it, I get told this enough. You become endearing to those that see you as being a good influence over people. It stems from either wanting some of that, or wanting to just watch it happen. Elonna and I always talk about being the givers in the world, and I am flattered to be in the same class with her on that {in her opinion} as she is the QUEEN of giving until it is draining. {note that I used her name as she desperately deserves the recognition of this out loud … period} I have talked ad-nauseum about the issues that arise out of sycophantic love of someone, the jealousy, the manipulation etc etc etc. Owning the one who has those said gifts just to be the metered focus of it all, it’s rather sickening.

As always I just want you all to know that this is MY OPINIONS, and I am not telling anyone how to think, so if it helps you as it did me, then great, if it pissed you off …. I am starting to think that it might be a sign, that it hit too close to home, as that has been the case a lot lately … God Loves You All and So Do I ;8o)

p.s. don’t think any of those assholes are gonna keep me from helping out the other 20% deserving of my friendship either … even if I get burned sometimes by the 80% in the process of finding em’

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} Mental Rants & Political Rage {For Those That Like His Political Rantings} Mental Imagry & Random Perversion {Adult Stories .. Assume they are rated X} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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