Tuesday, December 20, 2005

The Jeremy Crow Christmas Countdown 2005 #6

Last Christmas for me was typical, in a lot of ways. My life has notoriously been riddled with some of the worst Christmas memories that a human being can imagine, and last years would probably look like one of the worst to most people, and the sad reality of it all is that it wasn’t even in the top half of bad Christmas memories. I am actually sitting here right now with Greektradgedius Inyiddish standing behind me nagging my ear off during my only free half hour between work and kids getting off of the bus, and as she is reading what I am typing right now over my shoulder. She appears to be getting furious; because I am totally ignoring her, and I don’t give a fuck … oh good that was the word necessary to get her out of my area.

That was a wonderful example of what has totally ruined my last few Christmas’s. This one shall be no different, except in the fact that I will only have one woman bossing me around, giving me no respect, crying at the hint of disobedience from anyone, and then taking full credit for it all while she was perched somewhere barking out orders. As a matter of fact, to have the last name Fink, and to be born with a penis, means that this is as instinctive as eating or peeing. Last year was far worse, as I had the last wife in the mix too. She had actually left around Thanksgiving officially, but she had this brilliant plan to pretend that we were still together until after Christmas. Can anyone see where this is going?

I have done the same thing for the last 3 Christmas’s since the kids were place in my soul custody, as far as Christmas was concerned. I would buy a ton of art supplies and candy making stuff, and the kids would make all of their gifts, for everyone. Last year the highlight of the whole Christmas was that Big Evil used all of her birthday money to make special gifts for everyone in her Home Economics Class {In My case she made me a stiffed computer, complete with mouse and keyboard … adorable stuff}, and everyone is invited here for Christmas, as I have decided that they are NOT going anywhere PERIOD. Kids spend Christmas in their own houses, and those that whine about not seeing them can get off their asses and come see them, or else SHUT UP!!! This year they didn’t even bother nagging, so apparently you can train inbreds.

The other thing I would do is that I would buy all of the supplies for breakfast, and make anyone anything they want. It’s a lot of work but it gives me something to do rather than listen to all of the family bullshit, and I had my former in-laws family bullshit to contend with as well, which I had learned the year before. My soon to be ex-wife downright MOPED for the entire day, and made everyone here uncomfortable to the best of her ability including her own family, and Superdaddyman borrowed some of the super hero juice from his distant cousin “The Flash” as he was a total whirlwind of good cheer in “Operation Cover Up for the Mopey Princess & The Greek Tragedy” … really not much to go into on that one. I did a damn good job too, and I use the fact that her mother AND best friends both came over and hugged me before they left and both told me at separate times “You are a great man” which I deserved based on the show that the two women who had made my life hell for the last year had put on.

Greektradgedius sat in the corner and did that “Old people jumpy thing” which basically means whenever anyone did something she didn’t like {yanno like breath at the wrong times} she would get noticeably flustered. All of the people she invited over would snap their fingers at me to fetch things for them as they sat around too, and I just did it all with a smile, because I was going to be damned if the kids had MY type of Christmas’s. EX3 sat in the basement most of the time playing with my computer while all of her guests sat around feeling uncomfortable, and I did my best to entertain them. The kids got spoiled rotten, and once all of the festivities were over and the guests had left, I did the mean daddy thing and had them go upstairs to put everything away. You see daddy had some explaining to do to the two women downstairs, and it was good to have the kids out of the way for that.

I will say that it was the first time I actually every told Greektradgedius to “SHUT UP” because her rolling commentary while EX3 was trying to talk to me got annoying damn fast. She had a good cry as she locked herself in her bedroom for 3 days afterwards, but to be honest with you all, I still don’t care. You order shit you eat shit after all, and she spent 3 days eating shit, having contributed again to one of the 26 of my 35 Christmas’s that down right sucked. EX3 simply got 5 words from me “Get your shit and leave!” because there was no point in working out the finer points of how bad she made Christmas. Did I mention that this was one of my BETTER Christmas’s?

I went to my AA meeting the following Friday after that fiasco, and I was asked to chair, seeing how I hadn’t done it in a while, and people often find my take on Christmas to be humorous, with all the irony and all. I happened to be in a rather remorseful mood all week, but I spoke for a whopping 10 minutes {for me VERY short} and this was my Coda, on the whole event. “My wife left me a month ago, and it was a very interesting ordeal. Being the one who actually has experience at marital breakdown, I help to talk her through it … Yes I know you feel trapped … Yes happier elsewhere … Oh I know, you’re just losing you … Of course it isn’t my fault, it’s you , yes I know … And that was actually how it went. We decided to pretend to be together until after Christmas, and what we ended up with was looking like we pretended to be together just for Christmas, but my kids had a wonderful day, and for that I am grateful, because I gave them a chance …”

Now for those of you who are reading this and feeling sad for me {Twinks} allow me to let you understand one thing. Above all of the talk of “That which doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger” … “I like to tell the tale if only to make those that saw it themselves feel less alone” … “It is the way I have dealt with the bad things that taught me how to enjoy the good” … and of course my favorite “Nothing disinfects like sunlight” there is what I am actually trying to get across with myself being a power of example, to the best of my ability, as we call it in AA “My EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH, and HOPE” another thing to note. I am what my parents made me, and I chose a different path, and my kids have a chance. My parents were not strong enough to break this cycle, and I often feel that I am not as well, but somehow I do, and trust me, as my sponsor always tells EVERYONE as he points at me “If HE can do it, then YOU can do it” … God Loves You And So Do I ;8o)