Thursday, December 22, 2005

The Jeremy Crow Christmas Countdown 2005 #4


A long, long time ago, in a land that isn’t too far away from this one there lived a crabby old miser, who went by the name of Jeremy Scrooge. He was a mean {ok we ain’t saying old} mean man, with absolutely no love in his heart for anything that had to do with Christmas. His story is not dissimilar to those of many others, but mean Jeremy Scrooge had a tale, like any of us as well, and here is how it goes … The scene plays out with the knocking at the door, and Scrooge sitting at his PC hacking away at his latest blog entry …

“Who’s there to disturb me while I am hard at work to create the next masterpiece of blog nirvana?” said a very crabby Scrooge, who peered up from his keyboard at the door to his office.

“It’s me sir, Don McCratchet, and I have a favor to ask of you, sir,” was the words that came from behind the door. As usual Scrooge simply ratta tatted away at his keyboard pretending nothing was said, but Don simply opened the door and peered inside to the cold stare of Scrooge, “I was hoping with tomorrow being Christmas and all, that I could spend the day with my wife Cathy, and Tiny Daniel, who has been sick with a cold from his half naked head, sir?” still Scrooge stared at McCratchet with the icy stare of evil, “I can catch up on all of those funny blog comments the day after sir, I promise.”

Loathing, on his face, and a scowl upon his lips Jeremy Scrooge looked upon his faithful side kick in the war against boredom and said “Christmas! Humbug Yanno! Since I imagine that you will be no good to me with your mind elsewhere anyway McCratchet then I guess it is alright, but you better be working at those comments twice as hard on Monday, or there will be hell too pay!” and with that he was back to typing a blog about staring at QT’s in the town square.

“Oh thank you Mr. Scrooge, and a Merry Christmas to you sir” said a jubilant Don McCratchet, as he scuttled from the room. He wasn’t even there to hear the foul language that came from Scrooge’s mouth, and I won’t go into that here as this is a G rated blog today you see.

The knock on the door was from an old and dear friend, and she didn’t even bother to knock, as she already knew what that would yield. “Helloooo Scrooge my old friend. I was just on my way by and I wanted to extend my invitation to my house to share Christmas day with Sean and the kids, and you know we would love you to be there,” and that smile … to Jeremy Scrooge it was like vinegar in your eyeballs, as he pretended not to hear her, and go about his work, “I SAY, IF YOU ARE …”

“I bloody heard you the first time, and stop acting like I am deaf, my time is my own, and I think that Christmas is for fools and idiots, and I fear Miss Pegahoot, that I am going to be busy doing things like writing, so I bid you good day!” which wasn’t much of a deterrent as she just stood there smiling at Jeremy Scrooge and you can see how it bristles him so.

“Well, I just wanted you to know that there are people who love you, you old curmudgeon, despite your less than sunny disposition. You don’t want to end up like your old friend Punkin, all lost in the nether of Blogdom as she had given up on her own gifts, and denied the …”

“You leave her out of this, a finer partner in crime there will never be and I don’t want to hear you speak another word, now GOOD DAY!” said Mr Scrooge as he walked her to the door personally this time with his hand guiding her. The smile never left her face, and you know how Scrooge hates that, but he loves to be alone and that he finally has again, so he sits himself back at his keyboard, and begins to fret away again some more.

The time passes quickly, and the writing never actually finishes, and the time starts to drag into the time after and the time before. Jeremy Scrooge never actually knows when his eyes start to become to heavy to stay up, but they do, and he goes, and the next thing you know, there is a knocking at the door. Startled awake, Scrooge sits strait up in his chair, and bellows to the door “Be gone tonight, it is 11:45, and there is no need to peddle your wares here at this hour!” but the look on his face changes as he sees the ghostly form of his old friend Punkin coming through the door without it actually being open “What are you doing here, and how did you get through that door, the last time I checked you are not dead?” a very startled Jeremy Scrooge echoed out …

“Don’t ask me, it’s your dream, and to be honest with you, I am just happy you don’t have me in a nurses outfit, hanging out with you in a restaurant, you’re dreams are kinda famous after all,” and she stood there looking like a drum roll was supposed to be forthcoming … “Ok .. fine, I came here to tell you that there are gonna be 3 ghosts coming here tonight, and they are going to tell you off pretty good, you and all your stupid humbug crap. Look at me, I just got out of the hospital, and you don’t see me acting like a sad little girl do ya?” and then very faintly under her breath you could here her say “anymore” and then start coughing in a funny sort of way, which did not inspire, Jeremy Scrooge to laugh a bit. “Ok fine put me on Iggy Mr. but I have your IM and the other Ghosts do too, so you better start listening,” and with that she turned around and started floating away, until she smacked strait into the door, “Ha Ha, very funny,” she proclaimed while looking upward, and you could here a kind of giggle coming from the sky, but she opened the door and walked through it, as fate is an untrustworthy bastard sometimes.

Jeremy Scrooge of course starts talking to himself, as he often does “Damn Ghosts IMing me, trying to cheer me up, I’ll do what I want when I want …. To … whoa … sleepy ….” And with that he trailed off into yet another fit of sleep, just to be woken again 5 minutes later by very loud giggling, and a beautiful blonde ghost standing in front of him.

“Hi Love, I am the Ghost of Christmas past, but you can call me Flirty, I was sent here because I used to live in your town and story has it that I am the only attractive woman you never noticed, so I am here to dance and act silly until you see me now!” and she does the most adorable spin which comes pretty damn close to making Jeremy Scrooge smile, “Ok, I thought I’d try that one, but really I am here to take you back in time to show you some things you might not have been paying attention to the first time around, all you need to do is take my hand,” and with that the beautiful young ghost reaches out her hand to him, but then adds “and no funny business Mr. I heard about you, through something called a blog.”

Upon touching the Flirty Ghosts hand Jeremy Scrooge was transported back several years to a time he had almost forgotten, it was a trailer home with a 3 foot tree all decorated with popcorn and cranberries, and around it stood a beautiful young woman holding a small child, and a young girl standing next to her. The tree had no lights on it, but around it were many presents all wrapped in various ways. Some of them were big, some small, some wrapped rather neat, others rather sloppy, but they all had names on them. Some said “Big Evil”, some said “Mother of All Evils’s” the bulk of them said “Middle Evil” and there were even a few that said “Superdaddyman” and with that the face on Jeremy Scrooge lit up with glee, as he said “I remember this Christmas like it was yesterday, it was the first Christmas that Middle Evil was old enough to know what Christmas even was” and the Flirty Ghost simply nodded at him and pointed to the little boy who could barely walk as he opened up his first present …

“A box! A BOX!!! Look daddy I got a BOX!!” the little boy yelled as he ran around in circles, and started dancing and laughing. It was so obvious that he didn’t even know that the gift was inside the box, but he was so excited over just getting a box that the man sitting over in the chair that looked half dead from working 6o plus hours a week sat up and started laughing, and held out his arms until the little boy went running into them for a big bear hug.

“That was me!” Jeremy Scrooge yelled out “Oh BooBoo, come here, don’t you see your father?” Jeremy Scrooge yelled out to the little boy, who didn’t hear or see him.

“That man on the chair over there is his father, Mr. Scrooge. That man who used to do anything to see his children playing and laughing. The man who used to be you …” The Flirty Ghost said to a very soulful looking Jeremy Scrooge who simply looked back at her.

“We’re only going to have one more Christmas together as a family after this,” Jeremy Scrooge says to the Flirty Ghost, who gives him a stern look in response, but he continues “This was actually one of my happiest Christmas memories, why would you haunt me with one of my very few, for I know you are not going to let me stay here, your cruelty is horrible, and I want to be gone from this memory” and with that the Ghost takes his hand and they reappear in the very home that Jeremy Scrooge lives in now.

Gathered around this 8 foot tall brilliantly decorated tree, are now three evils’s as there is a third “Little Evil” who is barely two years old, while Middle Evil dances around handing out gifts from the pile of presents that is stacked over 4 feet high, and 6 feet across. At 4 years old he is already an accomplished reader, and he is actually the only child in his preschool class that can read. The little evil is having the first real Christmas that she can actually remember, and when she opens her first gift and starts running around frantically yelling “Daddy, daddy I got a BOX, look a box!!” in her little Minnie Mouse voice, the man standing next to the Ghost starts to laugh, and Jeremy Scrooge peers around him to see himself 4 years ago, laughing, and enjoying the company of his kids.

“You never would have known that I was in court 4 days before today, fighting my ex-wife’s second appeal to get the children back, and the kids knew nothing. I invited her to be here but she was so furious at me she refused,” Jeremy Scrooge said to the Flirty Ghost standing next to him, “The kids up until now had never actually gotten more than a few cheap presents, and a bunch of family’s fighting, I went out and got a loan against my taxes so that I could spoil them rotten this year,” and as the two of them looked around you could see nothing but beautifully jubilant children dancing and opening gifts, and you could hear Christmas music playing, but the most noticeable thing you could see was the man sitting in the chair in the corner, and the little girl on his lap as he is still trying to explain to her that the gift is inside the box, while fighting off his own laughter.

“You know we can’t stay here either J~ and we have to get back to the present, you still have two more of my friends coming to see you, before the night is over” and the Flirty Ghost reached out her hand as Jeremy Scrooge tried ever so hard to avoid it, you could see how he desperately wanted to stay here, and alas he could not, as the hand of the Ghost finally found his shoulder … To Be Continued ;8o)