Friday, December 23, 2005

The Jeremy Crow Christmas Countdown 2005 #3


So again the noise from inside the little room of the blogging computer was filled with the alarming noise of clattering, and jumbling around, as Jeremy Scrooge awakens to see a very beautiful young Ghost standing there watching him sleep. “Me sorry for waking you sweets, but I am the Ghost of Christmas Presents!!! Yeah, I like being that one … but um … you can call me Twinks”, her smiling little face was almost as sickening as the one of Pegahoot from the daytime, as her sunny disposition was pure wolfs bane to a crabby man like Jeremy Crow.

“I’m sure that in all of the clichĂ©’ you mean of Christmas Present, little miss?” said the whicked miser from his perch at the desk.

“Well if that’s how you see it, then I shall bring back all of the stuff I bought you then” she said with a giggle and stuck out her tongue at him, before she want back to walking around the room touching everything. “Hey SCROOOOOOGE wotcha hiding in this here box” she says with a twang of Texan in her.

“I would think that barging into a person’s home and touching his things would be against ‘haunting policy’ miss, and I will thank you to put my things down … you’re like a little kid!” he said as he jumped out of his seat and took the box away from her and put it back on the shelf. He then turned around to see her playing with his stuffed animals on his guest bed, “Excuse me?”

“Sorry, I’m a union Ghost, so I am on my cappuccino break, check back with me in 10 kk?” she said and started to giggle as she picked up Curious George, “I bet your kids love this one eh Sweets? … Oh lookie over here pictures …”

“Ok … so where are YOU taking me?” the now quite un-amused Jeremy Scrooge barked out at her, but she seemed to take no notice as she started thumbing through his picture albums. “Excuse me, you kinda seem to be a little lost in all of this … Miss Twinks did you call yourself?” he said while trying not to smile as the things she does really can be quite charming.

“Oh no, no , no, I happen to know exactly where I am, I am in your study at the moment, but I assure you when I get lost, I can simply disappear, I am a ghost … um … yanno? Is that what you say?” she giggled and went back to thumbing through his pictures, and right when Jeremy Scrooge was about to grab the pictures away from him she held one up right in front of his face “Who’s she?”

“Um … that would be my ex wife, she left last Christmas you see,” he said rather remorsefully.

“So is she the mother of your kids? … um wait .. she can’t be she’s pretty young huh huh huh?” and with that he saw where the name Twinks comes from as a twinkle lit up in her eyes.

“No she was my last wife, and not the one who is the mother of the kids, she acted more like a mother to them then their own actually, so as you can see in the pictures it gets confusing at times, but …”

“But she left too, and you add that as another one of those things that you use to hate the holidays … You aren’t very good at this whole secrecy thing … yanno?” and with that she put the pictures down and grabbed Jeremy Scrooge’s hand “Don’t worry, I won’t bite sweets, unless you touch my toes, then all bets are off” and the second she winked at him the scenery changed, and they were surrounded by people in the living room upstairs.

The Scenery was pretty much the same, just minus all of the in-laws that were in this location the year previous. A frazzled man who looks quite older than the one that we had looked upon in the past Christmas scenes is running around waiting on 3 kids a Grandmother, 3 of her 70 something year old friends, his Aunt, her fiancĂ©, and her two children, while they all bitch. The scene isn’t the happiest thing on Earth, but it seems to be going along the normal routines if you look at it the way it is working out.

“I hate those two yanno, my cousins, since my Aunt came back from her ivory tower that her ex husband had her locked away in for 20 years those two have been here to take any joy possible out of Christmas,” said Jeremy Scrooge with a glint of anger in his eye “Both years that I was without my kids on Christmas those two, made sure that I didn’t have Christmas at all!” he garbled out.

“How did they do that sweets, they look perfectly fine sitting over there?” was the response from the Twinkly Ghost as she started playing around with the things on top of the TV set.

“My first Christmas without the kids my Grandmother nagged me to go to my Aunts for Christmas dinner, and I had promised to go to the Crisis Center to put on the AA meeting because everyone else was out of town, it started at 7:30 pm so I had to leave by 7. It was all simple they promised me, as they would be eating at 5” Jeremy Scrooge stops for a second to grab a family portrait out of the Twinkly Ghosts hands and place it back on the TV “As they always do they called up to say they would be late, and I reminded them every 20 minutes that I had to leave, and I hadn’t eaten. Promises, made about making sure I eat before I go. Time ticked until it was finally 6:30, and I was actually getting pretty angry, and it was Christmas night, so nothing was open for me to eat on the way. They had the nerve to get angry at ME for not abandoning the people at the shelter that night, and when my Aunt was finally going to put food down for me at 6:45, and they showed up, and demanded that she make them drinks. I slammed the door pretty hard on the way out, and swore that I would NEVER let any of them ruin another holiday!

“Years I spent from that point on making enemies of the family, because I refused to go to family gatherings hosted by my aunt, because it has always led to complete and utter disappointment in the past, and look at what it earned me. They all sit here while I wait on them … ACK!” and as he looks at the Twinkly Ghost, he starts to ramble a bit, “Are you crying, why are you crying, this isn’t very sad?”

“I just hate to hear stories that sound so sad, I mean look at everyone here, they seem to be enjoying themselves, and you are simply doing whatever it takes to kill time. I mean don’t you ever take a second to enjoy what you have at the moment?” she said in a sweet voice, and it forced Jeremy Scrooge to look around and wonder about it for a moment, “You look like you don’t want to be here, but here is what you got, you could just make the most of it yanno?” and she sniffled back a tear, just before a loud boom and a puff of smoke opened up in the background. Nobody seemed to notice it except Jeremy Scrooge, and Twinks, who then added “Uh Oh, it’s the boss, just look remorseful, I already got a written warning this month and I need the benefits sweets!”

There in the cloud of smoke stood a beautiful brunette which made Jeremy Scrooge jump back a bit, and forced the Twinkly Ghost to say, “She isn’t that scary, sweets, she just likes to make a grand entrance, come on stop cowering”

The Ghost boss started to speak, “Twinks, how many times do I have to tell you, to stop playing with everything when you haunt someone, you AREN’T Santa Claus, so you DO have a schedule to KEEP … and what is he doing COWERING behind you, will YOU show some DIGNITY and stand up … Look my name is Lynn and I run the Ghost dispatch … stand up!” and she stood there looking at Jeremy Scrooge as the word Lynn seemed to change his stance a bit.

“Sorry, but you looked like my second wife, and she always has a habit of just appearing when I need to be kicked … um … might I say that this Twinks here is doing a wonderful job, and she has actually changed me around quite a bit, I am thinking all happy puppies and other various cute and furry things right now …”

The Lynn Ghost cut him off and said “Hey look man I am a GHOST … I am not STUPID, and I have been trained by a black belt in AA to see through BULLSH*T, um … well unless I happen to like the sound of the BS then I might play for a while, but YOU aren’t in the least bit mortified in YOUR behavior AT ALL are YOU?”

Looking at the Twinkly Ghost Jeremy Scrooge says “Does she always emphasize everything like that?” which gets immediate nods from Twinks, and a laugh from Lynn Ghost, as well, “Um well … ah … no … I actually happen to be quite famous for sitting in my own piles, it happens to be quite warm and comfortable to me you see …”

The Lynn Ghost again cuts him off and replies, “But it starts to STINK after a while and the FLIES are MURDER, but I can see where you are at, I’ve been there quite a bit in my days. I shall have to PULL OUT all of the stops with YOU Mr. Scrooge. Twinks, take him back, I am going to call in a special favor and get the … GHOST OF CHRISTMAS YET TO COME!!!”

“Thank God I might add, it’s bad enough to have to watch those little bastards spilling food on the carpet and ignoring it when I can clean it up, but while standing here all invisible, it is pure torture!” Jeremy Scrooge stated as he reached for the hand of Twinks.

She says back, as she takes his hand “Awww sweets, they are just kids!”

“I was talking about my a-hole cousins ….” Was the last thing that you heard from the mouth of Jeremy Scrooge in this setting as the two of them vanished … To Be Continued ;8o)