Sunday, December 25, 2005

The Jeremy Crow Christmas Countdown 2005 #1


Twas the night before Christmas, and Superdaddyman Sits
All the evils’s are sleeping, and wrapping gifts is the pits;
The stockings in thoughts for Superdaddyman’s a perv,
In my dreams the women will wear them, it’s what I deserve!
The evils’s were all wound up and quite lucky they ain’t dead
Did I mention all the stockings dancing around in this head?
Greektradgedius is whining and Imtoocutus is being great,
If she thinks she’s fooled Santa, it’s just a little too damn late!
When, out on the front my porch there arose such a clatter,
Oh Geeze, it looks like Neal, and he’s climbing a ladder?
Away to the window, to open and to holler,
“Hey Neal whatcha doin, and red ain’t your color!”
That Portly Old Elf looked down upon me with despair,
“I thought, I’d peek in your neighbors window, the one over there!”,
“But dude! She’s like 80, and her son is a cop!
Dressed as Santa or not, you are bound to get SHOT!”
“Oh thank you so much, your advice to the masses!
It was my fault you see the suit didn’t go with my glasses!”
More rapid than lightning his curse words they came,
For now he has fallen off the ladder and he lays there in pain
"Now, &^$And, @#$^! And, @#$nd !@*&!
I hope to god That isn’t the real Santa cuz then I am &^C@!”
I looked up upon the rooftop and to my great surprise!
There was Kayla dressed in a costume far more naughty than nice!
“I thought I’d show up to give you some real Christmas cheer
Hey look at Neal laying there, I didn’t know he was here!”
So now down the street, a big old Lincoln had just flew
Damn it slammed on it’s brakes, and it’s backing up with a crew!
Now out of the car came the passengers who knew?
Looks like Queen Lori, and Chrystal, and yes it’s Adriana too!
So around to the back went the queen adjusting her tiara,
Then she opened the trunk, and out popped Shuai and Sancira
Little Shuai he looked dizzy, and his hair was a mess,
“These crazy women kidnapped me, and I came under duress!”
Sancira was fine she looked none the worse for wear
But the smile on her face tells you she’s just happy to be there!
Chrystal walks around looking at all of us in such delight
She steps on poor Neal as she’s deciding who to bite!
Her evil little mouth all drawn back to show her fangs getting wet,
She looks around confused and says “Hey where the hell is Brett?”
I stood there confused too, as I didn’t even know about you all
I pull out my cell phone and yes it’s Brett I do call.
“You’ve reached my voicemail there hun, please leave me a shout!”
“Well I guess he is busy, so you’ll have to do without!”
Just then up in the sky, we all heard the loudest noise
“Look it’s Santa Claus and Brett! I knew he was one of his boys!”
“Hey guys I got called out on business, but I thought you’d understand!
Me and Santa we go way back from when we both were in this band!”
Up looked Lori, and Chrystal, and Adriana and even Sancira
As the reindeer, and Santa and Brett of course came nearer
They threw down boxes of presents, many toys that replicated boys
And the girls were so delighted as most made a buzzing noise
The boys just looked on rather puzzled, and made a fuss
“Let’s get the hell out of here, before they try to use them on US!”
So as the boys that were there ran away, and dragged Neal in tow
Happy Christmas Blogaholics Anonymous from your friend The Crow! ;8o)