Sunday, December 11, 2005

Superdaddyman Takes on the Evil Greektradgedius - Volume 3

I finally decided it was time to clean out the Superdaddycave yesterday, and unfortunately that involves actually getting off of the computer. The Microsoft Gods were on the side of the cleanliness, as the biggest, loudest computer crash, in the history of “Stupid Ass Dorks Downloading Porn” occurred, and I was forced to shut down and reboot. Being a total Dumbass in this instance doesn’t help either, since what actually did this whole problem to begin with was my genius inclination to run the Registry Scanner in System Mechanic, and then hit Delete All. Now of course during that stroke of brilliance I also unlocked the drive, and set it to do a complete surface scan when it reboots … there’s an hour with no computer. If this sounds like Greek to you, then I have just told you the biggest problem that Superdaddyman has, and that is that morons like me should stop speaking Greek.

So when I finally get the computer to get past all of the BIOS crap at the beginning, I see the surface scan start, and have a rather nice temper tantrum, this of course makes it so that I trip over the pile of crap {Dunkin Donuts cups, kids school crap that I am supposed to sign, old software boxes, clothes, } that I have in piles all throughout my office. The little light bulb goes off over my head, and I decide that if I get all ADHD on this, I can have this office clean in time to get back online and resume my porn downloads. Oh yes, another great challenge for Superdaddyman, while the evils’s are outside playing in the snow. At least that’s what they told me, but oh well, no screaming equals the perfect balance of out of sight out of mind that I live for anyway.

I started the way I usually do, pop in a KoRn CD … “This time, taking it away … I've got a problem, with me getting in the way, … Not by design. … So I take my face and bash it into a mirror. … I won't have to see the pain (Bleed, Bleed) … This state is elevating, as the hurt turns into hating. … Anticipating, all the fucked up feelings again. … The hurt inside is fading … This shit gone way too far. … All this time I've been waiting … No I can not grieve anymore. … For what's inside awaking. … I'm done, I'm not a whore … You've taken everything and oh I can not give anymore. … My mind is done with this … Okay, I've got a question. … "Can I throw it all away?" … Take back what's mine … So I take my time, guiding the blade down the line …Each cut closer to the vein (Bleed, Bleed)” … and I start by digging the dirty clothes out of the pile, before I simply start dumping armfuls of trash into a garbage bag.

I made really good progress I see, as I look over at my computer screen and see that Windows XP has managed to get 64% of the the drive surface scan finished, so I wander down stairs to get my vacuum cleaner out of the closet. Now of course what happens here is my fault as I haven’t even looked for my vacuum cleaner in quite a bit, but the empty broom closet gets me a little miffed. “Ok,” I am thinking to myself, “That fiendishly EVIL woman upstairs has broken her vacuum cleaner again, and has stolen mine to start working on it’s funeral!” With that I start storming up the stairs into the demilitarized zone known as the LIVING ROOM, where to my shock and horror, I find out I can not find my vacuum anywhere in the house. I utter some colorful Saxon expressions as I grab her vacuum cleaner and bring it downstairs, so that I can vacuum up about 3 months worth of cigarette ashes that are the only thing standing between me and a clean office.

The second the motor starts on the vacuum I get an uneasy feeling, I should have recognized the makings of a trap set by “Mophaka Al Queholic” {MAQ} when I see it, but I was too busy being an idiot today to see that Superdaddyman, might be in the middle of one of the evilest plots yet! …. POOF!!!! …. The entire room becomes this gigundous cloud of cigarette ashes so fact, that I almost immediately start choking from the lack of oxygen. More Saxon begins flying from Superdaddyman’s mouth, as he runs from the room. After peeking his head in, he realizes that, the cloud of ashes has now covered EVERYTHING! Damnit! The dusting continues, until the vacuum can be safely inspected. Yep, it’s broken pretty good here, huge hole blasted out the side of the suction shoot behind the brush motor {uh oh, he’s speaking Greek and acting smart again} which I assume I can fix with natures soldering iron … DUCT TAPE!! Oh yes, my instinctive genius, and ability to adapt to any situation is practically making me horny!!!! DAMN 82%!!!! … Ok might as well finish, the vacuuming, now that Superdaddyman has solved the worlds vacuuming problems.

Vacuum starts up … no exhaust noises … evil laughter from yours truly … contentment … exhilaration … the vacuum moves back toward the pile of ash that needs to be eradicated … THWARP …. POOF … CLUNK … SAXONNY!!! … $%^&^#$%$% (*&^* … The tape gets sucked into the motor the second vacuum hits the pile … The pile goes poof … The breathing ceases … The motor seizes … ARGGGG … I sit down in my cloud of ash, and light up a cigarette while all of the ash settles all over me … Oh cool my scan is over and the computer is starting up again!

So I sit here right now with the footprints all around me from the ash tracks that are still all over the carpet. I tried to use a broom after Greektradgedius Inyiddish came home and told me that she gave MY vacuum to my aunt {I’ll get her for this} since hers is working perfectly fine. I sat through a long whiney speech about how in her days you had to walk 5 miles uphill in the snow to find a wisk broom, to clean your carpet {and yeah she liked it that way} afterwards too. I think I am just going to lay down and make ash angels, and hope that I never get the inclination to clean again … DOH! That’s what I do for a living … ack … It must be pretty obvious now why I spend most of the day in the closet playing with my camera phone. ;8o)

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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