Thursday, December 8, 2005

Musical Methadone & Mental Masturbation - Volume 7

Ok boys & girls, it’s time for Superdaddyman to explain the days that have led to this new quandary he faces at PMHQ. You might find it hard to believe that I actually get fan mail here at the Superdaddycave, intertwined between the hate mail, death threats, and the occasional I think THIS person is the new 360 SNERT {Snot

Nosed Egotistical Rude Teenager, Snot Nosed Egotistical Rude Twit, or Sexually Nerdishly Expressive Recidivistic Troll … In other words JEFF} … The bulk of these lately have been geared toward asking me why there has been no “Musical Methadone and Mental Masturbation”, and I can actually sum that up pretty easily, for all of you in 5 simple words … MY JANITORIAL JOB HASN’T SUCKED … and because of that I haven’t felt the need to torture anyone at work with my fiendish pranks either. I know you are thinking as I am “What is the world coming too?”

I kinda found it hard to write about the subject when my own humiliation or the humiliation of others wasn’t involved, it seemed to take the fun out of it, but I shall make a stab at it for the people who asked. The Superdaddyman’s compassion is legendary after all, and perhaps the evil of the Pink Mafia can be shed out into the sunlight, now that Superdaddyman has been in deep cover, and actually allowed into their offices. Truthfully speaking, I am also a bit concerned as King George the Blind, is a faithful reader, I was worried that being honest about my new job, could put an end to the fun and frivolity. I keep in mind that HE has been one of the people asking as well, and has sworn himself to secrecy, or he shall suffer the wrath of Superdaddyman {this usually means great evil deeds that I shall call in Sean and Don to help me craft, and the fear of that ALONE should keep his silence} so away we go …

Today was actually a strange day for Superdaddyman, as he appears to be having another one of those “rare and spectacular Mojo days” that his ex-wife’s girlfriend had told him about over the summer. To properly have a “Mojo Day” you have to meet certain “standards” that make the Mojoness of the day obvious as it goes along … No shower this morning … CHECK … Funky looking hair, due to lack of shower … CHECK … Bad choice of clothing due to lack of laundry, and laziness … CHECK … Funky pheromone smell based on all of the above … CHECK … Ok we see that the basics are now covered for this “Mojo Day” so I shall now proclaim it as such, and start with the evidence.

I was stooped over cleaning a toilet, in the head offices up on the hill, where all of the secretaries, billing people, executives, etc etc spend their work days. I can see how this would drive most women crazy … Man with scrub brush, actually cleaning something moderately household … oh wait … I do have to be honest about another thing here, as I did put on all of my “Under Armor” today because it was freezing, so it’s kinda like girdles for men too, and despite what Elonna and Shannon say I am HOT in my mock turtle necks … sooooooo … back to the tale at hand, as I turned my head slightly to the left to realize that I was in the middle of a Lucky Vanouche moment. Two of the women from the offices, had actually stopped in the doorway to stare at me, and play with their necklaces {yeah women you do that when you are daydreaming … muahahahahaha}, and as I had my ass in the air pointed at them I actually stumbled in shock, and hit my head on the toilet. Needless to say, the fantasy ended for them at this point, as I sat there on the floor next to the toilet for a few minutes, after they scampered off, waiting for the pain, and the tears to go away.

Ok by this time I still had the song “Push It” from Static X stuck in my head as I have for days, since I got the wonderful info of one of the SNERTS {yes I said one of} from a source, that makes He/She’s smug ass attitude blog fodder, and the fact that I get to watch 40 guys fawn over the filthy words, of a man pretending to be a woman all that much more hillarious. This is my EVIL song … “corrosive .. tainted by my sin .. i'm spilling blood .. and i can hardly contain it .. corrosive .. hallowing the hand .. stiffened i eat away .. eat .. eat into the surface .. .. yeah you push it .. .. explosive .. more violent more violent .. all consuming throbbing .. strait to the circle .. explosive .. move on reaction .. i slow it down i slow it .. down, down, down, down .. .. yeah, you push it .. .. i see it. i need it .. i see it. i need it .. .. my mind is corrosive .. i trip on corrosive .. i freak .. see through me .. my eyes are explosive .. i feed on it .. black out .. crucify me .. .. yeah, you push it“ I realize the lyrics are a bit simplistic, but trust me it SCREAMS EVIL when you listen to it! Walking around singing this under my breath, has gotten me the attention of people as well!

So later on in the day, I am sitting in my office {translation = broom closet that is large enough for me to set up an easy chair made out of paper towel rolls, where I spend at least 4 hours of my day, playing text tag with my phone … shhhhh}, and I am taking pictures of myself with my phone, and sending them out {most of them were clean, get your minds out of the gutter damnit!!}, when I start hearing a pounding on my closet door. I’m not too happy about this as it is interfering with a great conversation I am having about cow poop, but I open the door, to see the Human Resources director, who believes that I should fill out an incident report for hitting my head on the toilet. “Did it ever occur to you that I am in charge of taking out all of the trash, and cleaning 17 toilets, and that alone should be my daily humiliation, without having to add to it a signed statement that I hit my head on the toilet and saw a few stars?” Oh yeah did I ever mention that this woman has NO sense of humor, and “Mojo Day” or not she rarely finds me charming. I did find a way to wriggle out of this situation by putting “After discovering that two of the secretaries were staring at my ass, I slipped in shock, and hit my head on the toilet” as the reason for said incident. Before I left for the day, I got a DC from her stating that she was going to overlook this incident report, after all. King George said it was because the women involved refused to deny it after he called them.

So aside from an interesting confrontation with King George where I swung out my telescoping duster, and with my best Darth Vader voice saying “I am here to f*ck your ass up Luke, now take out the f*cking trash like daddy told ya” the day was rather un-eventful. I did enjoy using my Mojoness on a few of the women at Dunkin Donuts, and Wal-Mart on the way home. It resulted in free donuts, and an ego problem, but I am sure that tomorrow when I am back to showered & shaved, I will simply write a blog about friends or kids, because thank f*cking God, my life is becoming less interesting ;8o)

Question … I’m doing another blog dedicated to 360 people who have been integral weaves in my basket tomorrow … Assuming that aside from Cathy, Don, Lori & Kathy, these are the
NEXT
two most important weaves in my 360 basket … Who do you think these two are? {It should be REALLY obvious if you have read me for any length of time}


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The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of J~ Crow}


Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, fuck ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! ..
Jeremy