Sunday, November 27, 2005

Things You Learn From Your Ex Wife's Girlfriend - Volume 6

I would be lying to you if I said I saw this one coming out of the blue, but it was quite a shock, since I had seen this thread dying with my last “My name is Jeremy and I am a Drunk” thread. The inevitable issues that surfaced when we had Captain ADHD’s birthday party, were the cause of it, and if ya didn’t read about that then screw ya. I hadn’t heard from the Rainbow Coalitions answer to Jay & Silent Bob since that day and I figured that perhaps, my words had bitten in a little two hard on my poor EX3, and her Girlfriend, to actually heal the wounds that I often have been able to inflict with my keyboard. Shows what I know, as I was having my normal Sunday morning, woken up to early, with a pile of an old ladies bullsh*t, followed by her interjecting herself awkwardly into anything that could possibly make me happy.

I was actually sitting in the middle of an IM that I felt to be rather important, as it was working rather beautifully on my fragile psyche {Ok it was someone talking dirty to me … sheesh}, when Greektradgedius decided to come down and demand my attention like my 5 year old daughter. During this spectacle of utter insanity that practically had me in tears the first phone call came, EX2 {long story short … wah wah wah bitch bitch bitch}, immediately followed by a phone call from EX3 which was vaguely reminiscent of one of her manipulations, but had the slightest hint of sincerity to it. In either way, I said yes to her, to get her off the phone, and then told the old lady standing behind me to go away. I realize that sounds harsh, but it is my story and I am sticking to it. I opened up the IM and thank God the conversation had continued without me even having the window maximized. I changed the subject though as we had a good honest laugh at my life for a moment, and then I set forth on the plans that EX3 had talked me into.

I was thinking to myself that this was going to be a funny blog, as I am now driving out to Maine, about 40 minutes away to pick up the evils’s, and drive them 5 minutes down the road so that EX3 can take them from me, and then drive the 40 minutes back home again. Let’s face the facts that that is just plain screwed up without factoring in that in a span of 10 minutes I will probably be dealing with my last two wives, and God knows what else is involved when I talk to either of them. At the former in-laws house it was rather uneventful for they had disowned EX2 for the 7238 time the night before, so I was spared any of that trauma of dealing with her, but after the next ten minute drive I realized that there was a scheme going on. These things are bad enough, when one woman is involved but when you have two, you might as well just surrender to evil, and hope God takes pity on you.

I waited at the hostage swap location until EX3 showed up with her girlfriend in tow to take the kids to the annual Christmas Parade that always follows Thanksgiving around here. She jumped out of the car, and started whisking the kids in until I felt that arm on my shoulder, and the voice of EX3’s GF saying “Let’s walk over to the Dunkin Donuts, and I’ll buy you a coffee”, I felt like I had just been patted on the back by Charles Luciano, and I was asked to sit in the back of the limo with Benny Siegel, and Meyer Lansky. I seriously don’t know what the hell was going on here, and I am so damn paranoid these days, I was kinda expecting some sort of other sneak attack on my feelings, while I had spend the drive to the former in-law’s house, and then here steadying my brave face for the kids, and now what?

“Dude, I was reading that blog you wrote last night,” she started saying {mental note … do all lesbians use the word dude to start all of their sentences? I do after all have 5 other chains of reference to go on here, but that is a little off topic} “I can really get into your killing people vibe, but seriously dude, I want you to get back to writing about the funny stuff, and f*ck these people,” which I actually found totally shocking, because I honestly had forgotten that she had ever even read my stuff it was so freaking far back in my little world. “I see a lot of good people hanging out around your page but you always forget about the people who just read you, get a smile and go about their day. You don’t owe us anything, but we have been pretty damn loyal to you,” she ended with.

“You sound just like another one of your enemy camp online. I kinda thought you two were off to better things, and I really thought something went wrong, didn’t it?” I said to her bluntly, as I wasn’t used to talking to her in such a less cryptic manner actually, I am rather flat footed here, but what she said next was probably the key to my salvation at the moment, even if every one of my friends online had said it to me, the fact that someone was looking me in the eyes and about to say this got to me rather quickly.

“Well she was whicked pissed off that you had the nerve to say something about her that was true. I take it all the way it is, I just have you in my favorites on my computer at work, and it gives me a chance to steal some paycheck dude, so I only miss you on the weekends really. You completely nailed her on the being in love with you still, and it isn’t your fault, she couldn’t take it, just like you said. I’m cool with that, she’s cool with that now, and you aren’t as bad as you want everyone to think you are dude. Sh*t, you’re the only guy I’m in love with a lot of the time too, so f*ck those freaks that want you down, and write for you, and me, ok?” and then she actually kissed me on the cheek, and ordered my large Ice Coffee black before I even had to remind her, what I drank. Now of course I romanticized this a little {her language had to be cleaned up a lot, as this is NOT one of those types of blogs, and she did have to look at a few people menacingly, during the conversation, but you get the gist of it all, and I may never wash this cheek again either}.

Well here’s to threads that never die, in my Blogosphere, and how they ended up being in the first place. From the first “Things You Learn From Your Ex Wife’s Girlfriend” until this one, it has been a blessing to have both of them at times. I did promise her that I would be the Ubra-Jeremy again and hold on to that as long as I can, and the fact that I finally found out where the ignore switch is in 360, my chances are better than ever … God Loves You All And So Do I ;8o)

Question … Who’s the last person on Earth you expect to find your salvation in at times, and often do? And how about an example pleeeeeeaaaaaaassssssseee :D

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} Mental Rants & Political Rage {For Those That Like His Political Rantings} Mental Imagry & Random Perversion {Adult Stories .. Assume they are rated X} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group}

Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy

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