Wednesday, November 9, 2005

Superdaddyman Takes on the Pink Mafia - Volume 4

It is with great humility that Superdaddyman must face his newest challenge, as he was having a very off day yesterday, and his quaky, and distraught demeanor offered an opening through his Superdaddy Powers, that the Pink Mafia, was able to drive a truck through. They attacked mercilessly as he had entered the office that evening, and with the fiendish grin of any Super Villain, that has ever dared take on Superdaddyman. King Jose had gotten his point across as I was surrounded by the “Bad People” who run the joint. Apparently, they did not find the wonderful “gifts” of levities, that Superdaddyman had offered them over the last year, and were prepared to deal with the issues at hand with swift and harsh punishment. Superdaddyman had his pinky ring taken away and was handed a toilet brush.

As I had noted, I was not in the best of spirits Monday night when I went to the Pink Mafia HQ, and they decided that it was a good time to discuss my new “career” while I had no ability to do anything except stare at the floor, and try not to lose it. I knew that the evil that lurked in this place was far wider reaching than even I had comprehended with my excellent Superdaddy Radar {the one that makes my head hurt when my kids are up to NO good, in a totally different part of the house, not to be confused with the pain that is caused by Imtoocutus‘s “Vocal Cords of Eternal Torment“ weapon} They sat me down and explained to me what my new title would be, and the tasks that were involved. Cleaning the offices, washing the floors, cleaning out the microwaves, dusting, cleaning the toilets ….. Whoa ….. That’s when the Radar went off …. YOU MEAN JANITOR?

Since Superdaddyman has refused to see Hickory Dickory the Doc anymore {and by law he doesn’t have to as Superdaddyman does know how to use the Internet and Read Legal mumbo jumbo}, and it has eliminated a huge chuck of useless time in his life, they have struck back with what they called a “permanent light duty job” I did try to defend my position of not enjoying seeing a doctor for a ten minute visit that always takes two hours, while I am supposed to be asleep {as I work overnights remember} which fell on deaf ears. The fact that they are confused as to the difference between a “practical joker” and a “humor artist” {which we all know from our liberalism classes “Art is good” despite who likes it or not}, and again, I think these people need sensitivity training, for the love of God. I mean seriously my widdle feelings were hurt.

To make matters worse tonight they brought in the man who is going to “train” me to do my new cleaning tasks {ok if you saw my house, that might actually make sense} who actually looked like Mr. Miagi, and spoke “Engrish” a lot worse. Pisses me off that all of the time and effort, I have put into learning all of these stupid “Eastern Languages” like Serbo-Croatian is useless, as I am being taught how to scrub a toilet by a man who speaks “Whickid Eastern Languages” like Mongolian or something, and even I can’t comprehend. “Rue Ruse Da Schwub Bwush Rike Dis” and then he would scrub the little toilet, and I would stand there and look fascinated, and wide eyed. However have I made it this far in life without knowing how to clean crusty things out of a microwave? But this man, let me tell you, he brings vacuuming a carpet to an art form, believe me.

So we were now entrenched in the art of trying to get many nasty little things off of the bottom of a table. You couldn’t even picture the absolute horror, that crossed this weird little man’s face when Superdaddyman had the audacity to pull out a brass scraper, and think he was going to use that {yeah what the fuck do I know about cleaning sticky shit, I have only been dealing with asphalt for the last year}, and I think he was trying to give me a lecture about the joys of “Goo Gone” when I told him that I usually just use “Ronsonol”. “Ronshonawl? Ishn’t Shat Righter Fruid?”, and I nodded at him with that dazed and confused “Hello Mr. Turnip Truck Driver” expression I like to use on the really “Realistically Disaffiliated” of our planet. He poo-pooed my little comment, and I was a little saddened as I was hoping to take a little “Pink Mafia Discount” on my Zippo fluid habit, but who knows maybe “Goo Gone” works great in a Zippo too? Thank god working 6 am to 2 pm will give me more time to write, or I would be plotting against this guy before his last lesson.

When I was finally able to sneak away from this evil little man I met up with my Capo, out in the smoke shack, and she was looking for marching orders, as there was total chaos going on in there. This place DOES NOT run with out me, and I am enjoying the circus from just outside the door now. I didn’t know what to tell her, I was still kinda high from the orangey fresh scented stuff , that I was using to clean all of the places that the pee streams didn’t quite make the toilet. We also had to start working on “The Mother Of All Pranks” {MAP} which I can’t really go into details about, right now, but it will involve an inflatable sheep, one of her old bra & panty sets, and a lot of band aides. You didn’t think I was leaving the Twilight Edition Of The Pink Mafia, without a bang did ya? Who the hell you been reading up until now? ;8o)

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