Friday, November 11, 2005

Superdaddyman Takes on Lazius Boycrazius - Volume 4

The hoards of adoring fans await Superdaddyman as he approaches the Jr. High School for his daily prisoner swap of Lazius Boycrazius {the founding member of The Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils’s aka TOKE}, the hoards of anxious mommies, just dying to be seen with Superdaddyman, and have it get back to their husbands. The Big Evil is here for the usual, “no homework passed in“, for like the last 4 years, etc etc etc … The usual Thursday procedure, which coincidentally, is going to come in handy today, because it gives Superdaddyman Friday night off from his “Virginity Defender” duties! How does this happen you may ask? Well it is simple, you see as “lil mis thang” here, has decided that she doesn’t want to do the educational stuff at the fun place {home}, then she will not do the fun stuff at the educational place {the school dance} … freed on Friday night.

You see this has been an ongoing battle over the last few years as my daughter has become rather sociable, and I am afraid that it interferes with her studies, in so many ways. Now with that concerned about educational crap daddy out of the way, let’s get to the important stuff … BOYS! Big Evil unfortunately {hopefully you read about it in past blogs} has become big in a lot of places, most notably, the brassiere area, and it is Superdaddyman’s job as “Protector of the Virginity” to throw on something that makes him look bigger, wear an expression that makes him look scarier, and stand by the door looking insane at all of these school dances. I guess they call it chaperoning, but we here at Casa Di Evils’s call it “Teaching”, and that is how we deal with Sex Ed around here, teaching them that “no” is better than … “No stop, please, that hurts, Oh My GOD, stop hitting me, I’m begging” and all of the etceteras that follow said “trying of the evil ass daddy”

>So I can actually sit at home tonight, and listen to the sweet sounds of a 13 year old evil ass daughter crying about how life is unfair, and how all of her friends are going to be there, and how she will never be able to show her face in school again, and LAUGH HIS ASS OFF … um … I mean … um … Try to calm her poor psyche, and hope that she sees the lesson learned in all of this. Of course the real fun will be in the way the other two evils’s in the house, will follow her around driving her nuts as well. This sort of adds to the lesson that she will not learn, like she hasn’t so many times in the past. The lesson is simply … do NOT fuck with daddy. There are other benefits to this sort of conundrum as well, you see, as today is a day off from school, and there is a ton of housework that Superdaddyman sure is to lazy to do, and this in turn leads us to the forced servitude nature of this Super Hero - Super Villain relationship. I can here her upstairs as I type, just talking to herself, and I think it is good for a young lady to get in touch with “self”, I mean I heard all that crap growing up, and now it is time to just teach her the ways of her kind. Viva le feminism, I always say.

Again I must add that it is always nice to see a young lady doing everything she can to get ahead in this world. The wonderful “life skills” that she is applying these days like, getting caught passing notes in class, giggling whenever a boy walks by, and of course acting dumb around them, is finally starting to pay off … um … well … for a Superdaddyman who hasn’t had enough time lately to vacuum or wash all the windows anyway. I am hoping that this trend continues, because the Mini Van still smells like trash from the last dump run, and I really need to get that cleaned out. She doesn’t really want to find out the hard way, what it is like to live out in the woods, this time of the year either. I am sure that we will have many more moments like this, so I just say, if you can’t beat em … ah screw it … beat em.>

>Now don’t get me wrong, she did have a few moments this week that made Superdaddyman shed a wee little tear also, like the whole 1700th maxi pad that I pulled out of the washing machine this morning. As always, I like to remind our viewers without ditsy daughters, that a maxi pad DOES indeed hold about 10 times their size in water, and if it happened to be thrown in with the whites, I will spare you those gory details as well. I also know that this is THE WORST girl in the world at getting away with things, because the “Lazy” part of her forgets where she hides the contraband. Forbidden objects that are safely hidden in pockets often get “found” the hard way by our favorite Super Hero, as he unloads the washer. Lipstick, and mascara, which are two Lazius Boycrazius “No No’s” are often found after re-soiling the clothes. This makes Superdaddyman so proud when he is forced to yet again give her the lecture, which usually sounds like an impassioned plea, to at the very least, GET SNEAKIER! After she promises to become much eviler, she then usually waits about an hour before being caught doing something else.

There are parts of me that desperately wish I had a clue as to how young girls work, but in reality, all I know is that they do barely. Unless it has to do with boys, or eating, there is NOT much working that they are willing to do at all. As I am sitting here typing this and making the observation, that I hear nothing moving upstairs, I should simply assume that she probably fell asleep in the middle of her floor. I learned a while back, when I took her to the Psychiatrist {assuming that she was depressed, when she would simply lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling, when I took everything she had away from her}, that she was as he said “Very lazy, and a lot more stubborn than you” but I mean come on here. The scariest part of all of this is that when I look at her mother {the only woman who ever lived with absolutely NO maternal instincts} and all of the things she doesn’t do, I fear about genetics, but if that were the case then she would be able to hide stuff. Um …. Come to think about it, I wouldn’t be defending a virginity either, by now. ;8o)

Ok … you all asked for it so let’s start this weekend off with a bang … Ask me a question … ANY question, and I will answer it to the best of my ability … you know the rules … you only get 1 question this time around {DON}, lets see if we can break 120 … thank you all ahead of time :D

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