Tuesday, November 1, 2005

Musical Methadone & Mental Masturbation - Volume 3

Well I was introduced to my new boss … yeah you heard me right NEW BOSS. The song that the stupid NFL radio show had completely rammed into my head was “Bathroom Wall” by Faster Pussycat {and yes the name of the band kinda had me giggling to}, which didn’t help matters any. My Capo was standing behind me when King Jose was crowned, and the first thing out of her mouth was “Guess he finally found the Crawfish huh?”, which didn’t exactly get the spirits up of the new king. I can’t believe that Superdaddyman has been undercover now in the Pink Mafia Twilight Edition for less than a month, and has had to watch 2 Dons get whacked already. The rumors are abound that I drove the last one insane, and I think the attitude {kinda timid really} that the new Don is giving me kinda adds to that belief.

Well the first problem we now have is the whole procession that always follows a new Don, as they assume that I need to be placed into a subservient position. Despite the fact that I like that sort of stuff, I really prefer it from a woman, and King Jose, aside from being NOT a woman doesn’t even qualify as a hot male either, but I have bigger fish to fry as usual. This freaking song is driving me mental “I saw your number written on the wall … said baby for a good f*ck call … 555 … 7 … 66 … 8 … Oh baby I can’t wait … I got your number off the bathroom …… wall” … Oh God kill me. My Capo’s amusement as usual turned to opportunity, as she decided that “Don’t You Forget About Me” {Simple Minds}, would be the cure to this song, and she was quite right, but we found out later on that my rendition of it was going to turn her strait, if we didn’t find the Methadone to that one, {which coincidentally ended up being a long involved process which finally brought us back to the little purple man} so while I was doing “Let’s get crazy” yet again, complete with the stop in the middle of the hallway “Pelvic Thrusts” and deep breathing, until I managed to claw my way into “When Dogs F*ck” {Just for you Deb}, and away the path that brought me to “High Enough” and free from the bondage of music. By this time I had a new problem, as my Capo had her feelings hurt by the new Don.

Ok … you still with me here? After a beautiful rendition of Mandy {cuz she seriously digs when I do Barry Manilow, and I was desperate to cheer her up}, we found ourselves in quite a quandary, as revenge was definitely called for. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, picks on this Fags Hag, and gets away with it! Of course the conundrum that we face is that it is Halloween, and to play an ubra-prank on Halloween at work is rather de’ classe’, and if we were to break our Vampire oath on that one, what would be next April Fools Day? We plotted for a while, and decided that we would have to think quick, as his lunch was coming up rather soon. We knew it would have to involve the portable MIG, because most of our best pranks involve the portable MIG, when it hit me, like a bolt of lightning! His chair! That asswipe desperately loves to roll around in his chair. The sight of the two of us welding the wheels of his chair together was probably a little shocking to the guy we named Captain Hockey Helmet {although my Capo, a former marine prefers Private Hockey Helmet, as he is too stupid to make it to Captain}, when he barged into the office because he saw the arc.

“What are you two doing?” he belted out at us as he came into the room, which my mind of course {I seriously am very quick when it comes to being a smart ass, especially when dealing with a dumb ass} threw back at him “I’m playing with my easy bake oven, you want a brownie Corky Pig?” … Oh yeah he was Corky Pig {Dumb as a tree stump, and would eat your food if you left it around} before he was Captain Hockey Helmet {you know ... with a chain so you can attach it to the back of the seat} … That came along later when he started driving around Da Yiddle Lello Fork Bus. He threatened to tell on us, and that of course was when my Capo did her best work ever, which I will leave out, because it ISN’T one of THOSE blogs. But I did get to hear the F-Bomb at least 30 times in one sentence and you know how that just makes me giggle.

Needless to say, King Paco Taco, wasn’t too thrilled with his chair, but I think we got the point across. Fortunately we were standing under the office when we heard the THUD, which was probably him hitting the floor when he tried to play Speed Racer with his chair. He obviously learns quick, as he never even mentioned it for the next two hours I was there. Probably a good thing, because I still wanted to just tell him off anyway. There’s always tomorrow. ;8o)